Why did I do this? — The Bump

Why did I do this?

My junior year of high school I moved two states away. Needless to say it was a very long and lonely school year with no friends. I met my husband during the first couple of months after I moved, when we turned 18 we got married and became pregnant with our first daughter Emily(3 1/2 now). I have been a stay at home mother since I became pregnant with our first daughter. Our marriage is amazing, our first child was such a blessing and made everything feel like it was fitting together perfectly. Emily is such a beautiful social butterfly, so intelligent, and raising her had been an absolute breeze. She listens to everything we tell her, she just doesn't do anything she isn't supposed too. She was the happiest and brightest baby, even during teething time she hardly fussed at all. Then we had our second daughter Abigail(7 months now) we were also very excited during the pregnancy and we were so excited to see our family grow. She has been just a delightful as Emily and watching her grow has been great. A couple weeks ago my husband and I found out that we will be having a THIRD child(I am currently 11 weeks along). We are still super excited to add yet another addition to our family, however, I am not sure if it is hormones or what. I have been extremely depressed the past month. Abigail has been teething and it seems like she is so unhappy. It seems like all she does is cry all day, every day.. No matter what I do she isn't happy. My daughter Emily seems like she has been acting out all of a sudden - and I am sure that it probably all the changes of having siblings, so this I can understand. I feel terrible, I feel like in my frustration of Abigail being so unhappy that I don't want to be around her, or interact with her. I push her off onto my husband because I just CAN'T listen to the crying anymore. Then I am frustrated that I am frustrated with my baby girl. To top it off I also feel horrible because right now finances are extremely difficult and we have had to ask for a lot of help from family. I am constantly asking myself - "Why are we having another child if we can't even afford to take care of the first two??" and then finally I am asking myself "why am I even a mother if I cant deal with the crying of my children?" I feel like a terrible, neglectful mother.

I don't know if this is hormones, or the excited burning out child after child. I don't know if it is because I stay at home day after day, I don't know what questioning all this means.. I have no friends and the only family I know in this state are my parents. I don't ask or have anyone babysit. Since my children have been born there have been 4 times that someone has babysat my children for a few hours. Right now I am just so unhappy about the way my life is, I feel stressed and depressed by everything going on. I love my children so deeply, I really do. I am just wondering if anyone can relate to these frustrations??

Re: Why did I do this?

  • I feel your pain. Emotional pain that is. Don't feel like you are alone with this. I have three kids and I am having my fourth. I have a boy (12) and two girls (7&5). The kids are great but my 7 year old, from the time that she was 2 until about 5 was a total terror at night and during the day. I knew she came from me, I knew I am her mom and I love her, but I didn't like her much and it was so so hard to feel that way about your own child. My 5 year old is that way now. She is a challenge. I feel like the only attention she allows me to tide her is negative attention while I referee between them for being ugly to each other. I too also dealt with not having the money for one kid, let alone three. I was on food stamps and Medicaid and I had to ask my parents for help. I am remarried now and things are different as far as finances go, but I have been where you are. If I may, I have some simple pointers for you that will help at least a little bit.
    1. Get a babysitter for four hours. A family member or friend would love to have the babies. They are still cute and little. You have to do it for the sake of you and your husband. You guys need to recharge. Dinner and a movie and some time to be a couple and not just parents at least once a month can make a huge difference. My husband and I feel so much better after going on a date. The connection gets us through.
    2. You will never be financially ready to have kids. They are expensive. Find resources and put your pride aside. Look for coupons and free products. Utilize WIC or assistance for a while if you need it. Take away some of the burden. You know those kids are a gift. Enjoy them as a gift and not a financial hole.
    3. Take a little quiet time for you and each child each day one on one when your husband is home. Bathe the baby alone. Play with her in the tub and read her a book. For your older daughter, have her help you make dinner or watch a tv show with her and only her or play one game or put together a puzzle without distraction. Connect with just that one child at a time. They love the attention. Fifteen minutes to you is not long, but for them it's so much more.
    4. Do you. Take one day a month to drop them with your mom and go home and sleep. Watch a movie you want to watch. Eat lunch by yourself without picking off of their plates. Get your nails done. I know money is tight, but do a simple thing for you and allow your husband the same. Give him a day away every once in a while to be "him". He will appreciate it.
    5. Cherish being pregnant for maybe the last time. I am doing the same thing right now too.
    6. This too shall pass. Crying and teething and outbursts come and go. They are frustrating and make you want to crawl out of your skin. I know. They do the same to me and I'm not a perfect mother at all. Just breathe and walk away for two minutes and come back. Redirect their behavior and move on. It's hard, but you can do it.
    7. Don't feel guilty for feeling angry and sad and overwhelmed. You are putting too much on yourself. Get out of the house and stop being a martyr. Ask for help. Hug your kids when you feel bad. They probably feel bad too. Breathe and know you will feel this way 1000 more times over but it will be okay. You love them and they love you.
  • All of what @carlyhbennett said!!! 

    I would add - part-time daycare was HEAVEN SENT for us!!!  I need that time to recharge.  Nothing more, nothing less.  It doesn't do any of your kids good to be that spent/exhausted.  Hormones have little to do with it!

    As for the crying, there's a reason for the crying, and it may not always be teething - make sure there isn't a silent ear infection cooking (my kids RARELY got/get fevers when they get them!)...  Or a food intolerance..  It could just be she needs a snuggle day or two.  You need to take an evening just for you at least once a month if not once a week.  It will help you re-center and get to the bottom of what's causing the screaming.  If you need to employ the use of Tylenol around the clock for a few days, that's o.k.!  With DS it may have been sourced to teething, but the reality was he was usually hungry from having not eaten his normal amount AND under-slept because he was hurting so hard from the teething.  Fix those two things and suddenly he was easier to be around.

    Chin up!  Take care of you too!!!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards