My brother is expecting a child with his wife in September. I am expecting my child in August. My mother was going to do a baby shower for my little one at the end of June seeing as my husband will be deployed for the birth of our child so I was trying to do it so he would be home to atleast enjoy opening and putting everything together. My sister in law less then half a day after I tell her the date we picked for the shower informs me that she will then do hers two weeks prior. This one set me off because it seemed very intentional and two she's not due for an entire month after I am. Why couldn't she wait? My mother trying to be the peace keeper then doesn't say anything to my brother of his wife about their date. Then after three weeks of my husband telling me that we do not need a baby shower and would be just fine without if my mother wasn't going to ask them to move their date. ( mind you my mother had asked us to move ours around several times prior to picking that date due to her previous plans. Clearly not easy when he has only certain days he can be away from base) So here we are three weeks later and my mother orders the tent to be used at both parties and the food for both parties.. Which I know I shouldn't be so childish but it upset me because she has her own mother who can do things for her. My husband is estranged from his family and will not be inviting even his mother. Yet by the end of the planning these parties are similar except for the size. Hers being much larger because she has two families and we only have one. Then I start thinking how some people will not come because it's two Saturday's in the same month two weeks apart and how that's a lot of time commitment and financial commitment. I feel this is unfair and am thinking of canceling and just taking the money we would've spent and buy what we need as we go along. Am I wrong in expecting them to have their shower later in the summer? It's not really like we can change ours if I want him involved.
Re: Baby shower issues.. Help
Much like a wedding, you get one day for a shower. It does not matter who has their shower first, and her shower has no bearing on yours. Maybe she had conflicts too and that was just the best date for her. I seriously doubt she is trying to one-up your shower.
If they're similar events so what? All baby showers are pretty similar...you go to someone's house, eat some food, watch the mom open gifts, eat some cake, and leave. This is not an event with a lot of variety like a wedding or something.
It sounds like you're jealous that your SIL will have more guests at her shower than you will. It's not a big deal. Keep in mind that the people who attend are going out of their way to voluntarily buy you gifts for your baby because they love you. You should be thankful for anyone that attends, no matter the size.
Buf if you want instead to turn this into a competition with your SIL, go right ahead. You are going to look much more childish than she will if you throw a hissyfit about this and cancel your event.
Um, yeah. Ditto the previous response. It's a baby shower. Don't overblow the importance of it. Do NOT make this AN ISSUE that divides your family. Come on... really.
As she has more people, there could be very valid reasons as to why she picked the date she picked. She may have family who she wants to be there but for some reason, this is the only weekend that works.
Don't assume it's about you.
And people aren't going to give you shittier presents just because your shower is 2nd. That's ridiculous and your SIL is amazingly petty.
Don't give her so much power in your life. Realize that if you can see this about her, others can too. Just sit back and laugh about it. The less upset you get, the less reactionary you are, the more foolish she's going to look.
Has it occurred to you that your mom might be excited for your shower? Many grandmothers on here have stated that it's different when their daughter is pregnant compared to their daughter in law. Cancelling your shower is just feeding the beast drama that is your SIL.
You want to really get your SILs goat? Have a sip n see right after she's due. Your baby will be a bit older and thus cuter. SIL won't be able to come most likely and you get everyone oohing and awning over your kid.
If you're jealous that your mom is also throwing a shower for her... I can't fault you for your feelings there. But at the same time, your mom wants to do this. That is her choice. Don't make this harder on your mom by having a temper tantrum over the order of the showers.
Figure out what your REAL issue is here (jealousy, perhaps?) and then find a better, more productive way of dealing with it. Because what you're doing right now really isn't productive and really does make YOU look like the petulant child. "She's going to have hers first, well, then, FINE ** foot stomp ** I just won't have one!".
I'm not saying that to flame you. I'm saying that because this is how you are coming across. DON'T GIVE YOUR SIL so much damn power in your life!!!! Cancelling your shower over this only shows that she has too.much.power.
Figure this out and stop putting your mom in the middle.
Edited: just read your follow up comment about "shittier presents". So sorry you have to deal with her. Ugh!
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Her basically pushing the shower on your mom- so what? That's between your mom and her. Your mom could have said "no" if she wanted.
The ultrasound? So what? Really- SO WHAT? Why does it matter? Yes, it's childish, but SO WHAT? How does it really affect you? It doesn't.
She started digging through my basket of stuff and picking things she didn't want out of hers and swapping it.
WHy didn't you stop her? Why didn't you say "Don't do that. Those are mine"? You're annoyed that your mom won't speak up, but you won't either!
Yes, she's petty and childish and I do understand how that can build up and basically now, ANYTHING she does is going to annoy you. I get it.
But at some point you really need to take a step back. Because no matter how many examples and stories you throw at us, YOU cancelling your shower just because she's having hers first VERY MUCH makes YOU look like the petty, childish one. You're playing right into her hand.
This is glaringly the problem here - she is SOOOOOO BEC w/ you (Bitch eating Crackers, which means that ANYTHING she does, even eating crackers, is going to piss you off) that you can't even comprehend gently saying something to her about her taking YOUR stuff from you. You think it needs to be a CONFRONTATION and that you need to air all your issues. No. There is a huge middle ground here - HUGE.
But you can't see that because you clearly don't like her and anything she does makes you want to blow up. You've lost the ability to be calm and rational when it comes to her.
Thank you everyone for your comments we've decided we can cover everything on our own and will have a baptism party and a big first birthday party for her instead
My point is- having a conversation will clarify matters rather than wonder why and potentially jumping to conclusions. Everyone thinks and interprets things differently.
Please enjoy your time and not focus on her or your Mom's involvement. Your Mom wants to provide for both her children
I'm beginning to think this is MUD. You're talking in circles, acting incredibly dense, and then totally changing what is supposedly the issue.
If this isn't MUD, well... then KOKO and have a long, hard road ahead of you when it comes to your SIL.
I'm not dense I just refuse to accept that people allow others to be this way and they let it go. So I told my brother I had an issue with this and it was shitty behavior and that it was clearly intentional, he told me she planned it there because she was worried about getting poor presents and that it shouldn't matter that they needed to use the same tent I rented because my husband makes more and that the tables and stuff shouldn't matter because they were already going to be there.. Just entitled child problems to the fullest. So I just told them that I wasn't doing it and I wouldn't help at all and they could cover the tents and tables themselves because why should I pay to make their baby shower easier when they've caused me this grief over the whole thing.
Instead we are going to have the baby shower at the lake house with round tents and pretty tables with it being catered by a tea party company with cute little China tea pots.. My mother told everyone not to tell her about it because the simple picnic that I originally planned she wanted the same thing same foods ect. So to avoid her asking my mom to switch hers to being the same thing everyone has been asked to keep it quiet. All of which I will not invite her to attend.
Between this post and the one about hosting your own shower, holy Pregzilla batman. I can't even. Woah.
So much entitlement.
Excuse my quote fail as I am having technical difficulties, but I TOTALLY get what your describing. I have witnessed people who operate like the description of your SIL. @wassuphoes has an amazeballs idea there... grab that ish up. Moving forward, have your shower with your mom and DH and ENJOY it. Also, you can make plans to individualize it with your mom and DH. Just make it VERY VERY VERY clear that you don't want the details shared AT ALL. Also, in the future, ya know when you plan your LO's birthday's and such...do NOT share details, especially if you know your SIL is like this. She just will get an invitation to said event and that's all. It would help you not get pissed at your mom, your mom doesn't have to be in the middle and SIL won't have the intel to burst your bubble. I hope that helps....but seriously, sip and see's are cool events. I want 1...maybe I'll have one...thanks @wassuphoes (sip and sees are my like baby obsessions...the baby can be like a mini celeb and then you can make a cool photo album for when they are older annnnnd it's a good way to have less visitors at your house)