Career & TTC

bmo88

Just a question for you ladies.

Have you ever made a career decision based on your desire to TTC/have children or made a TTC decision based on your career path? 

My concern is that I am 27 and while I planned on waiting another year to TTC, but given my career and stress, I may push back our TTC by 3-4 years. I know that isn't that huge, but DH and I are really feeling the desire to start a family soon. We are financially sound, our relationship is very strong and soon my family is moving near us to provide a great support network. But our careers could be a major deterrent. I know legally, FMLA is an option, but from a logistics and stress stand point, I can't seem myself being able to take more than 4 weeks off comfortably, if that.

This isn't an impossible situation, but it's a really stressful one to think through right now. Would love some perspective others right now.

mrsmtothek

Thats a toughie. Its so hard to speak on your behalf, but if I were in your shoes, I'd wait a bit before TTC if your DH was on board with it. I think you might regret passing up such an incredible opportunity if its only going to push back your timeline by a few years. 27 is still young IMO, young enough where you can afford to wait a bit before you start battling against biology and fertility statistics (versus being at say 35, for example). Worst case scenario, you take the job and realize perhaps your priorities have changed and you'd like to start TTC, and then adjust accordingly. I believe after starting a family, there are so few times you have to focus on what *you* want--that you should take advantage of those opportunities before TTC. Just my two cents! Good luck!!

Designermomma

You can have it all! A senior manager recently had twins and took FMLA leave. No major crisis happened. I say take the job. TTC when you feel ready and the job will still be there when you return. I guess worry about the rest when the time comes. There is a saying I heard that puts it all into perspective..."no one ever looks back on their life and says, I wish I worked more" I put off TTC because I wanted to advance my career but it didn't happen so I got preggers. Looking back I regret waiting. I am now 36 with 2 boys and running out if time to try for a 3rd. Also, look into how friendly the office is tword pumping. I didn't last very long with breastfeeding with my 1st because of the office conditions for pumping. You'll probably have your own office so it won't be an issue for you.

StarbucksShip

If I were in your position at 27 I'd probably jump at the job immediately. But then, 27 feels young to me in retrospect. My husband and I waited to TTC until 32. So from this "old lady's" eyes, you've got time to try the job AND for a family. 

Also consider: You could take the job, spend a year or two working and adapting. If it's a leadership position you may be able to help shift the company culture into accepting that sometimes people can, without fear, take time for their families and themselves. However, you might also find that this is NOT the role or work you want. My mother was a lawyer who willing stepped down into a paralegal role. It wasn't pressure from being a mom, she just realized that she preferred doing what her staff did.

But, if you do find, whether for work, family, or sanity reasons, that this job is not the right fit for you at least you still have the experience. Much better than not taking a chance at all.

Xstatic3333

Designermomma said:

You can have it all! A senior manager recently had twins and took FMLA leave. No major crisis happened. I say take the job. TTC when you feel ready and the job will still be there when you return. I guess worry about the rest when the time comes. There is a saying I heard that puts it all into perspective..."no one ever looks back on their life and says, I wish I worked more" I put off TTC because I wanted to advance my career but it didn't happen so I got preggers. Looking back I regret waiting. I am now 36 with 2 boys and running out if time to try for a 3rd. Also, look into how friendly the office is tword pumping. I didn't last very long with breastfeeding with my 1st because of the office conditions for pumping. You'll probably have your own office so it won't be an issue for you.

This is my attitude. I would take the job if you otherwise want to and then TTC when and H are ready. American work culture has got to stop treating having babies as an inconvenience and realize it is just a part of life. I know it may mean a shorter leave (6-8 weeks) which is a bummer, but female execs and CEOs do make it work.

I do identify with how you are feeling. I am up for a promotion right now due to restructuring, and while my boss was explaining the new responsibilities to me I did ask about maternity leave policy (there wasn't one written anywhere). There are four people at my job, so it's hard for anyone to cover for me. Her answer was "we'll make it work-don't put your family on hold for job stuff." I think that's the philosophy our country needs to adopt if we don't want to fall behind internationally.

Congrats on your new opportunity!

peppers1227

Xstatic3333 said:

Designermomma said:

You can have it all! A senior manager recently had twins and took FMLA leave. No major crisis happened. I say take the job. TTC when you feel ready and the job will still be there when you return. I guess worry about the rest when the time comes. There is a saying I heard that puts it all into perspective..."no one ever looks back on their life and says, I wish I worked more" I put off TTC because I wanted to advance my career but it didn't happen so I got preggers. Looking back I regret waiting. I am now 36 with 2 boys and running out if time to try for a 3rd. Also, look into how friendly the office is tword pumping. I didn't last very long with breastfeeding with my 1st because of the office conditions for pumping. You'll probably have your own office so it won't be an issue for you.

This is my attitude. I would take the job if you otherwise want to and then TTC when and H are ready. American work culture has got to stop treating having babies as an inconvenience and realize it is just a part of life. I know it may mean a shorter leave (6-8 weeks) which is a bummer, but female execs and CEOs do make it work.

I do identify with how you are feeling. I am up for a promotion right now due to restructuring, and while my boss was explaining the new responsibilities to me I did ask about maternity leave policy (there wasn't one written anywhere). There are four people at my job, so it's hard for anyone to cover for me. Her answer was "we'll make it work-don't put your family on hold for job stuff." I think that's the philosophy our country needs to adopt if we don't want to fall behind internationally.

Congrats on your new opportunity!

Love this post! I agree, I recently changed my attitude a bit about when to TTC related to work. I kept waiting for when I thought worked best in my career, and then had a wrench thrown into my plan with some sudden restructuring, and I had to start a new job. I used to want to be in a position for at least a year before TTC, but since I realized that my company will never be that accommodating to me (I work for a very large company and accepted I am a number- they could lay me off in a heartbeat), I can't plan my whole personal life around work when it can all change in a moment. Not to say that I don't consider work at all in my current TTC timeline because I do, but not as much as I used to. I plan to start TTC this summer, and I will have only been in my new position ~6 months. If I am fortunate and conceive quickly, will have been in my current job just under 18 months before leave, which is acceptable enough for me. 

Given my experiences, I would take the job, and stick to your current TTC plan. Your current plan of waiting another year gives you plenty of time to get established in the new job before you go on leave. Sure, maybe you will feel more pressure to come back sooner, but at a high level position, you are always going to be feeling pressure, so I feel like that thinking will delay TTC indefinitely. 

Good luck and congrats on the opportunity!

vampbride99

I'd say take the job, you can have it all!  It's an amazing opportunity for you that you won't want to give up.  If it turns out that you don't want to wait any longer to start a family, then start ttc when you originally planned to. You can make it work with the new job.  A year into it would be enough time for you to become settled with the position.  I would rather take the job and adjust if your priorities change, than pass on it and possibly regret it later. 

PibbleMom

60-70 Hours is an awful lot of time to work. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I prefer to work to live, not live to work. I also don't work in a corporate environment, I own my own business, where there are occasional 60+ hour weeks but I try to make them few and far between. Everyone needs time off to spend with their families. We only live once, I personally want to live my life, and incorporate work into it, not work my life away and look back in 10-20 years and wonder where my 30s went. If you're financially comfortable, I would sit down and figure out what is the most important to you. Some people enjoy climbing the corporate ladder, and I don't take away from that at all. But some people start climbing and realize that they want more time than money.

bmo88

PibbleMom: While some weeks may allow for less, it's generally expected that will happen. Fortunately, about 10-15 of those hours can be done at home. Not ideal, but better than sitting in an office building. This is actually at a nonprofit organization, not the corporate world. 

We are very financially comfortable now because our of incomes and our jobs. If we were to lose them, that would change our situation. We are actively saving our money, paying down debt and live very far below our means. Our goal is to save enough within the next 5 years to give us much more flexibility in our employment choices though. This position, though very demanding, would help that goal greatly. I don't think I will ever be able to be a SAHM (partly due to not wanting to and partly because I will likely always be the primary income earner), but would love the opportunity to work in more flexible positions (in terms of salary and hours). 

It will take us some time and sacrifice, but given we are young and have the opportunity now, I think it makes sense to pursue the position and delay TTC. While the urge to start a family is growing stronger, the reality is that it would be very stressful and challenging now. Waiting 2-3 years would make the most sense. Thanks for the advice everyone!