Grandma doesn't know best...

cag11890

my mother is being a nightmare! I got a few things given to me for my first pregnancy, two major ones, a car seat and a crib. The car seat is expired and the crib is a drop side crib. My mom told me to just use them! I'm not, I've already purchased new ones. But I don't know what to do about her thinking it's ok to use these things. She used to have a daycare over ten years ago and thinks because she did it then that it's ok now. I just don't know how to explain to her that hey expire and are banned for a reason.

mrs1374a

Yesssss same with my mom and she means well, but my parents had 4 kids and she breastfed us all. The day my first daughter was born she asked the nurse when I needed to give her a little bit of water, they explained to her thats not the way things are done. And she told me alllllll the time my daughter needed water. Haha

SweetnessG

My mom is like this too!!! I like to remind her that the last time she had a baby was 30 years ago. Things have changed since then. Hell, I had my last child 4 1/2 years ago and so many things have changed.

kales0719

My mom and I got into countless arguements about my brother's crib (he's 22) and matching dresser. It's from a very nice company (that no longer exists) but is a drop side crib. Like screaming fights...finally she just gave up. Stick to your guns mamas!

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ksimo6

Both of our cribs have drop sides. My husband fixed them so the sides will not drop anymore. We have not had an issue in the 19 months my daughter has been in her crib. The crib thing does not bother me.

The car seat should be current and not expired.

Sammy K

DH's grandma went off on how much money we wasted buying a car seat. "You don't need that! We brought our boys home in a shoe box and they were all fine! That is too much money to be spending anyway!"

So I tried to explain we were required by law to have a seat. She was 93 at the time, so I tried to be patient and gave her a pass.

47923ang

I have no complaints about grandmas and great-aunts, they are all really on top of things.

But my aunt gave my sister a "what to expect when you're expecting" type book from the 70s (knowing that some of the things wouldn't apply). My sister got the biggest kick out of,"the safest place in your car for the baby to travel is on the floorboard behind the passenger seat."

ETA: how in the hell did we all survive growing up in the 80s???

mindaa

Sammy K

A shoebox in the car - that's the best.

Mine haven't been too bad, but both grandmas have or are working on making blankets "for the crib", and I've had to explain that nothing is going in the crib but a sheet.  At least I have to repurpose both blankets and not decide whose gets to go on the crib.

rodriyessi94

My ex tried to get me to use a 5 year expired & recalled car seat. In that case I think I'd just carry my baby in my arms.. But I bought her a new one

mccall35

My mom is pretty good, but then again she likes to tell the story about how when my eldest sister was a baby my mom brought her to meet my great grandmother. The baby was crying and my mum was rocking and shushing her. My great grandma took the 5 day old out of my mums arms, grabbed her by the ankles and flipped her upside down.

My mom freaked the hell out, and let's just say didn't let the baby too close to great grandma after that.

Eta: apparently that's the way they got the gas out of baby's back in Poland in the 30s... It didn't work with my sister though... Both her and my mum were in tears for a while.

krk09

Oh the drop side crib...my mil is still upset that my husband's cousin wouldn't use the crib AND mattress she loaned them 4 years ago. "It was good enough both of my sons."

Uh...30 years ago! And, eww, why would you still have a 30 year old mattress.

She has already brought it up with us. We told her to throw out the mattress immediately, but that we will fix the sides for when we visit. More likely, it won't happen and lo will sleep in the pack and play.

laurendutch

I'm pretty lucky that my family gets it...even my grandmother. But they are pretty on top of things. My one grandmother knows more about computers than I do. But one thing that bugs me is that MIL (her family) has a family cabin. It's pretty tight on space. And they have this crib in one bedroom that is 40 plus years old. It's a drop side that is being held up by a rope!!! We all want to get rid of it but one cousin swears they use it...I can't even fathom putting my child in this crib. Let alone, the germs that must be on it!

cag11890

The what to
Expect when expecting is HILARIOUS! Lmao I would definitely read that book!!!

KarasTwin

I talked to my dad's sister today and she told me when she had my cousin apparently he cried all the time and her friend who she claims is a nurse would come over and hold him really tightly with his back against her chest and put a blanket over his head so he would feel like he was in the womb again. She told me if LO is fussy to try that. I just told her they encourage swaddling now and that we have a blackout curtain in the nursery so it's nice and dark. Yeah, let me put a blanket over my kid's head.

virginiaunicorn11

This thread is hilarious!! I can't wait to see what my 96 year old grandmother says and does now when we bring LO home.

karaelaine1991

Both of the grandmas-to-be seem like they'll be fine for us - when I tell them about things that have changed they always seem willing to just go with it and respect our wishes/our doctor's orders. Great-grandma-to-be on DH's side of the family, however, is full of well-meaning but unhelpful advice. I think I've posted already about how she tried to encourage me to drop everything to bring LO the family fourth of July party, even if the doctor advises me not to. Her method of going about this was to tell me that when she got right back into the swing of things after childbirth, her resulting hemorrhage wasn't THAT bad. :-t This conversation had me totally upset for a few days but now I can laugh about it. And I basically intend to smile, nod, and promptly forget about any other advice that she gives me.

klkonwi

My MIL had a cow about not using baby powder but I just blew it off....

kherman14

My grandma in law had gone off her meds and apparently in her head she had sent me an nasty email my mother in law emailed me immediately as when gil called mil about what she had done. I was puzzled cuz I did not get anything from grandma in law but mil explained what happened. I had given her (and everyone else) same song over and over. #1 that I wanted to have bonding time with my first child....sooooo back off we won't have anyone coming in UNTIL I am ready. #2 my dh will be only one in my delivery... #3 in case of emergency my mom or sister will come in to interpret for me and dh.

Apparently grandma in law who is off meds, did NOT appreciate how I responded. Well, its my medical event, not hers. She had told mil that everyone should be there during delivery and right after delivery. Etc.

I find that funny because I never got any emails and that she was calling everyone saying that everyone should be there! While grandma in law few weeks agreed with me that I should do what I want and how I want to do with my FIRST child. LOL. I felt bad for MIL because she was so overwhelmed on how she said things to me which I didn't get email..thank god! I don't need negativity.

joyfuljenny

It's funny the things that have become big issues... my MIL bought us our crib and mattress (so very thankful for that!) and asked if we needed a mattress cover. I said no, that the mattress was already waterproof and greenguard certified, so I didn't really think I needed one. Wasn't crazy about putting a super plush mattress cover on (which is what MIL wanted, to make it softer) in the early months, because I know they're supposed to sleep on a firm surface to help prevent SIDS; also didn't want to put on a non-greenguard certified cover that might emit something potentially harmful... I've read things about vinyls, etc. (I realize these are both probably things I really don't need to worry about, but FTM here and if I can possibly make baby's sleeping environment a bit more safe, why wouldn't I?). MIL got VERY upset that I was considering not putting a soft cover on and started making a big deal about how much the baby was going to sweat if there wasn't a cover, and then even called my husband so upset saying that if we didn't make the bed softer, the baby was going to bruise or damage her bones (!!!). When she brought over the mattress, she made up a story (I'm pretty sure) about how a Target employee told her she really needed to buy a cover with the mattress (I suppose it's possible some faithful Target employee was really concerned about upselling, but I doubt it), so she had gotten that for us too -- a very soft and cushy, 100% polyester one. I thanked her and we moved on... and I really AM so thankful for their gift of the crib and mattress we picked out!... but I returned the cover for a Target gift card.

My mom, on the other hand, gave birth to 6 children with unmedicated labors and keeps mentioning three things to me: epidurals (she thinks they're dangerous and was really upset when my sister got one to deliver her baby a couple months ago), episiotomies (she had one each time and thinks I should too, no matter how many times I tell her that's just not common practice anymore), and the birthing chair (which, from what I gather, is a chair with a big hole in the bottom, so you push the baby out from a sitting position... she says she delivered all of us in the birthing chair and she wishes she could find one for me, because it just makes so much more sense with gravity working with you rather than lying down...).

Things will only get more interesting once baby girl arrives, I'm sure. My mom and MIL have no shortage of opinions... and no qualms about sharing them forcefully, regardless of what I say.

jessieR358

My mom, who will be watching my baby, refuses to baby proof their house....pool and all. She says she raised all 4 of us without baby proofing and won't do it with her grandchild either. I told her she can't watch him at her house then. 2 sets of stairs and a pool!! She's an ER nurse and should know better. It's really making me upset but I'll fight the battle again when he can crawl. We may be hiring a nanny!

vflor87

As much as I feel sorry for anyone dealing with an overbearing, stubborn mother, I am SO GLAD that I'm not alone in it! My mom, who's been absent most of my life, has now become the most obnoxious, stifling, tyrannical, lunatic I've ever met in my life. All of a sudden she's completely codependent on my family & it's driving me nuts. She's had 5 kids of her own, raised NONE of them (I have a half sister in the Philippines that isn't even a year older than me. She had 2 kids with my dad & tried having more with her current husband. Considering how she's walked out of the lives of all of the kids she HAS had, it's probably for the best that they couldn't conceive), & has had little to do with me until her own life started to fall apart. NOW she's moving into an apartment two miles away from me, insists on being over here all the time to "help" me with our kids, but as you can imagine, our parenting styles are very different & she doesn't listen at all when I try to tell her how we do things for our son. I can't tell you how many times he's gotten hurt while she's watched him, how many times she's given him food that he's intolerant of, & just fed him junk food if she even tried to get him to eat. It's a  N I G H T M A R E whenever she's here. My husband's mom is really pushy & particular about how she thinks we should raise our kids, too, but my husband can deal with it really gracefully and she's kind of used to him ignoring her opinions. She's pretty much always taken an opposite stance on any decision he's ever made - even his service in the military. We can't wait to tell our moms that we want them to be respectful of our space & time when the twins are born. Just waiting for the right time to tell them!

NotISaidtheCat

I've got nothing on y'all...but my MIL has been annoying me to death trying to convince me to give drinking stouts to bring in my milk supply a shot. I've heard this advice before, I don't disapprove, I just absolutely hate beer...and I've nursed before, and it's very easy for me, so I'm not going to torture myself, dang it!

KaLikeAWind

@NotISaidtheCat yeah... But have you HAD a good stout? People say they don't like beer, but then they haven't really had any good beer. And don't tell me you've a Guinness and it was terrible. Cause I'll believe you, cause they are terrible representations of the stout style of beer. Just for poops and giggles, find yourself a Founders Breakfast Stout, or a Left Hand Brewing Nitro Milk Stout. Drink both from a glass, not the bottle. The Founders Breakfast pour proper beer style but Nitro Milk Stout you'll notice it says 'pour hard' and pour that sucker HARD. As in, uncap it and tip that bottle immediately upside down and let the beer glut out of there in a rage. It activates the nitro, which activates the taste....oh my.

Mostly, I just want people to experience what a good beer should taste like. Not that mainstream swill. I admit it, I'm a beer snob. Somebody get me a pumpkin peach ale.

(A breastfeeding bonus for stouts will not be unappreciated, tho. Not at all.)

NotISaidtheCat

@mellymar I get you, but I truly do hate beer. My in laws are beer snobs and alas, I simply cannot be converted!

KaLikeAWind

NotISaidtheCat said:

@mellymar I get you, but I truly do hate beer. My in laws are beer snobs and alas, I simply cannot be converted!

Tell them to get you a Founders Breakfast or Left Hand Nitro Milk Stout then. Have them pour it out and they can finish what you don't drink, lol! They won't mind!
:P

J/k. You do your thing. Should I ever run into you IRL tho I will make you taste my Founders Breakfast. Prepare for that almost impossible eventuality

47923ang

@mellymar have you been to the Great Taste of the Midwest? DH and I have gone every year for about 5 years.

I'm not much of a beer drinker, but I have some styles I enjoy. At festivals, I give myself kind of a plan, such as try every beer with fruit in it. Or, try every Berliner Weiss. I enjoy the sour, funky stuff.

KaLikeAWind

@423ang no, we just moved into the 'middle' of the US last year (actually, pretty much a year ago exactly). So we heard about it last year but could not get tickets cause they sell out apparently *really* fast. So we put it in our caps to try to go this year, and... Well... Yeah, we won't be going this year. Maybe next year :-<

karaelaine1991

@mellymar I am not a beer drinker, but DH is. If you're ever in the Pittsburgh area, you NEED to go to Church Brew Works - it's DH's favorite! I like it too because even though I'm not a fan of beer, the food is delicious  

https://www.churchbrew.com/our-brews.html

Sammy K

@mellymar We would get along beautifully. Not too many women truly love beer. :x I love Boulevard's Dark Truth stout. I also make a mean chocolate stout cake. I wonder if that also has breastfeeding benefits?

KaLikeAWind

@karaelaine1991 beer food usually is pretty damn good. I just checked out the menu at your joint... And now I have to go to Pittsburgh. Get a sampler. Mmmm, beer

@Sammy K dude, WHAT!? A chocolate stout CAKE!?! OMG 8-} As an aside, I have never seen a Boulevard beer. I just used their beer finder, looks like I'll have to go to Chicago or Minneapolis or somewhere near there.

Its times like this I think to myself - ROADTRIP! And then remember I'm gonna have a kid now.

Edited - my phone just decides to drop words!

47923ang

@mellymar
Yeah, tix are hard to get. DH gets in line at 3:00 am for tix that go on sale at noon. I waited in line with him for a few years, now I let him go by himself.

KaLikeAWind

423ang said:

@mellymar
Yeah, tix are hard to get. DH gets in line at 3:00 am for tix that go on sale at noon. I waited in line with him for a few years, now I let him go by himself.

Yeah and I am way up in Door County. We would have to leave the day before and drive down and camp out. Or leave at midnight and drive all night to get in line at 3am when we arrive. Bleh.
Do they let you have a beer while waiting in line, at least?

47923ang

@mellymar. It's a party in line, for sure (especially after 6 am). Many people get in line with big groups of friends, and they grill, play football, etc. We live about 1.5 hrs from Madison, so we go the night before.

At Capital Brewery, they let you in the the beer garden at 9 am with a numbered wristband, so you can wander and drink til they line you back up at about 11:50.

You can try the mail in lottery, too, but that's just luck of the draw.

virginiaunicorn11

@Sammy K I want that cake, too!!

@mellymar I like the Left Hand but not Founders. Founders' barrel aged stuff gives me a thick taste in the back of my throat, like whiskey. I am a big fan of Samuel Smith's stouts. Oh, I could go on. But really it is a Sixpoint Apollo that I am missing for my summer seasonal right now...

KaLikeAWind

The beer snobs have hijacked this thread. I was thinking about you @amark11! I don't really like the Founders barrel aged stuff either, but I'm a sucker for the Breakfast Stout. Tastes like breakfast. Oatmeal, maple, coffee. Last time I had Sixpoint Apollo was forever ago. My fav seasonal I'm ashamed to say comes from a brewery owned by AB (which for me is a huge no-no, usually, tho I will make some exceptions for favorites). The Kona Wailua Wheat. If I could find some, I would buy them all. So good.

@423ang I could deal with chilling at capital. I could very easily pass some time with some beverages and pub grub. Even early in the morning. Or could stay in line... Especially if its a tailgate like atmosphere. Damn. Now I really want to go next year.

47923ang

I was wondering if I should apologize for hijacking the thread.

auburnmamma

mellymar said:

The beer snobs have hijacked this thread. I was thinking about you @amark11! I don't really like the Founders barrel aged stuff either, but I'm a sucker for the Breakfast Stout. Tastes like breakfast. Oatmeal, maple, coffee. Last time I had Sixpoint Apollo was forever ago. My fav seasonal I'm ashamed to say comes from a brewery owned by AB (which for me is a huge no-no, usually, tho I will make some exceptions for favorites). The Kona Wailua Wheat. If I could find some, I would buy them all. So good.

@423ang I could deal with chilling at capital. I could very easily pass some time with some beverages and pub grub. Even early in the morning. Or could stay in line... Especially if its a tailgate like atmosphere. Damn. Now I really want to go next year.

If you can get your hands on Good People's Coffee Oatmeal stout, I think you would like it! Good People is a brewery based in Alabama and their beers are oh so good!

KaLikeAWind

Dear thread. And OP (@cag11890). Sorry for hijacking. Please resume regularly scheduled programming.

Serenamarr

@mellymar @Sammy K beer girl here too! It all started when I became a bartender at a place with 50 craft beers on tap... And I have to say that the two best stouts I've ever had were the Kentucky Breakfast Stout and the Dogfish Head Worldwide Stout. The first is only brewed once a year and you can only get it around the Kentucky derby, the other is between 18-20% abv and is only sold in sixtels. Both of those we had to put a 2 per customer limit on because they are so hard to come by, yet so delicious!!

virginiaunicorn11

Today my mom got all huffy about no blankets in the crib. "You never died of SIDS." Well, can't argue with that, Mom! Lol - but no.