anybody in a relationship with a man that already has children ?

kate015

My boyfriend has two kids already ones 5 and the other is 9. When I got pregnant he swore up and down this is what he wanted but also accused me of loving my child more and treating him differently than the other two. My boyfriend would not talk about baby things with me at all even when the kiddies were in bed he had no interest in the fact I was carrying his child I was excited and he was well more less just nodding and agreeing while watching tv. He didn't start talking about the baby until he told his kids... His reasoning was he wanted to make sure they were okay with it which I understand but if they weren't what was he going to do just ignore the new baby? Anyways lately I've found he's had no emotional reaction to anything he went to my appointment for the FIRST time in nine months and heard the heart beat I expected him to smile or say something when we got home but he never said a word it just feels like I'm the only one that wants this baby and he's going to ignore it because he already has two. He also does not understand the aches and pains of pregnancy and that I'm moody and can not help it our sex life has already taken a dive because I find it hurts now I've tried but I just can't and its almost as if he's irritable with me about something I can't control ! Advice please!!!!?

jamisynr

my boyfriend has a 2.5 year old. I worried at first about him favoring her over our LO but we had a long talk about it when I became pregnant. I had always treated his daughter like she was my own and he worried that would change. So it was a mutual feeling. But we both are open about it and I love his little girl and couldn't imagine changing my feelings towards her. And he is very excited to have another little girl. 

I could see where there could be resentment though, especially with lack of communication. Communication is key! If he wont talk to you and gets defensive, maybe try counseling? 

My boyfriend used to get defensive when Id bring up concerns and Id just calmly tell him that I wasnt trying to fight, I was just trying to talk about the way I felt before I got to a point of being upset or mad. After awhile of that we have been able to communicate and talk very openly about everything. Things that normally would have turned into a big deal are just minor conversations now. We have our issues dont get me wrong. But we get past them easier.

kherman14

Is there any way you could talk with his mom or kids mother on his behavior? Just a thought? Maybe he is scared how things will work out, if his ex wife is like some crazy woman calling him telling him stuff that brings him down his joy? You two should definitely talk about it alone. Google online for good questions to ask your partner.


Honestly, I did warned my sister about dating a guy that has a child, knowing his background, his childhood, etc...and that he would definitely compare to his little girl to her little girl.

Sure enough, I was right! He did start comparing in anger way and blame it to my sister for having a great family and that we MUST include and be fair.... That examples: it isn't fair that my parents and I babysit my sister kid, take her to the park to trail ride, vacations and all those fun jazz activities. Well.....she is my half blood family and I definitely do not want to be responsible for his kid cuz his kids mother is one crazy bashing threatener mother. We did take them on vacations....I told my parents, don't. They were like why not. Because he gets jealous. Of course we go on vacation....guess what....who had to deal with his girl's behavior (while daddy does no shit about it!), cook, pick up after THEM two!?! Me and my MOM! Then when packing up time...he sat there the entire time and never even touch anything just because he doesn't have to. And, he didn't even want to pay for NOTHING...cuz my niece GETS EVERYTHING and spoiled. So...my parents had to pay for SOMEONE else kid to avoid conflict. Seriously? Again, I was right. I knew it was gonna happen. Basically always ruined our fun moments.

Sooooo...be ready. Give your kid the best life as possible if that daddy doesn't want to be part of it. All men always swore til time gets closer then they freak. Or, be ready if your parents provide more love than his family does...it will hurt him because his other kids cannot have the same. Well...your parents SHOULD NOT provide to ALL kids to be same. It gets expensive!

karaelaine1991

kherman14 said:

Is there any way you could talk with his mom or kids mother on his behavior? Just a thought? Maybe he is scared how things will work out, if his ex wife is like some crazy woman calling him telling him stuff that brings him down his joy? You two should definitely talk about it alone. Google online for good questions to ask your partner.


Honestly, I did warned my sister about dating a guy that has a child, knowing his background, his childhood, etc...and that he would definitely compare to his little girl to her little girl.

Sure enough, I was right! He did start comparing in anger way and blame it to my sister for having a great family and that we MUST include and be fair.... That examples: it isn't fair that my parents and I babysit my sister kid, take her to the park to trail ride, vacations and all those fun jazz activities. Well.....she is my half blood family and I definitely do not want to be responsible for his kid cuz his kids mother is one crazy bashing threatener mother. We did take them on vacations....I told my parents, don't. They were like why not. Because he gets jealous. Of course we go on vacation....guess what....who had to deal with his girl's behavior (while daddy does no shit about it!), cook, pick up after THEM two!?! Me and my MOM! Then when packing up time...he sat there the entire time and never even touch anything just because he doesn't have to. And, he didn't even want to pay for NOTHING...cuz my niece GETS EVERYTHING and spoiled. So...my parents had to pay for SOMEONE else kid to avoid conflict. Seriously? Again, I was right. I knew it was gonna happen. Basically always ruined our fun moments.

Sooooo...be ready. Give your kid the best life as possible if that daddy doesn't want to be part of it. All men always swore til time gets closer then they freak. Or, be ready if your parents provide more love than his family does...it will hurt him because his other kids cannot have the same. Well...your parents SHOULD NOT provide to ALL kids to be same. It gets expensive!

I'm not in this situation, but this response is really harsh, IMO. A kid is a kid, regardless of who their parents are, and if their dad's a part of the family, they should be, too. Believe me, I know that behavior issues can be really difficult to deal with, especially if the parents aren't doing anything about it, but treating kids differently than their half siblings is cruel - and not at all what OP was suggesting she wanted to do. I feel terrible for that little girl - shame on you for trying to exclude her! Also, not ALL men act this way. I'm sorry that your sister's in this situation and that OP seems to be as well, but please try to avoid blanket statements like that. 

OP, my opinion is that you should stay as far away as possible from PP's advice. If there is a conflict of any sort between your boyfriend and you, discuss it with HIM, not his mom or his ex. That's immature. And I think that your feelings about this are definitely worth discussing with him. He may not be intentionally making you feel this way, and if he isn't then he should know how you feel so he can make more of an effort. If his behavior IS intentional, then you need to know that it is so you can do what you feel is best for you and your baby. I hope things work out well for you! Good luck!

Kbchavez23

My husband has a 3 1/2 yr old from a previous relationship, and I have a 7 yr old from one as well. He treats my daughter like she is his own and even though his son is a disaster lol, I try my best with him because his mom isn't so great. My parents spoil his child just as much as mine. It isn't a competition and he is a isn't child, you can't disown him like the other girl said, regardless if they are your biological children or not. Pretty sure you knew about the children and the situation when you built the relationship with him. My husband is very excited about this baby and honestly is excited to have a child full time since he only gets weekends with his son.

Try talking to your boyfriend definitely do not go to another source. Especially not the ex. Best of luck. Always remember to keep your baby's best interest first!!

kaila8

My DH has an 8 year old from a previous relationship. We waited for an appropriate time to tell him/talk about me being pregnant simply because DH didn't want him to feel like his family was being replaced. DH has a very good relationship with his child's mother, they have been best friends since high school and had an "oops" drunken night and they tried to make a relationship work for four years and realized they didn't feel that way about each other and were better parents apart than they were together. They are still very close and we all hang out all the time (a lot of people think our "dysfunctional" family is weird but it works so great for us). When we told my stepson about having a sister he was beyond excited. His mom is equally excited because she has baby fever but isn't in a situation to have another child so she is excited about her son having a sibling and being able to be around a baby. I realize that my situation is a lot different than most people's and I am very lucky, but I think it is important for the children to feel equally as important and loved from everyone involved. My child is the first grandchild on both sides of my family so obviously they are super excited about the LO, but my mother treats my stepson as if he is a grandchild as well. I think these types of situations really depend on the people involved. My husband was very hesitant at first because he was afraid of upsetting his son. But once we told him and involved him in the situation DH became way more excited about having a new baby. It is definitely a difficult situation to be in. But I really hope it all works out for the best for you. Take it one step at a time and just do what's best for your family as a whole. Good luck!