Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Complete Miscarriage--Blame?

Hello everybody,
I haven't posted in this community before, and I wanted to introduce myself. My husband and I were TTC for almost two years when I finally got pregnant. Needless to say, we were ecstatic. Last night, I woke up and I was bleeding heavily. I bled for two hours (passing a lot of tissue) before being able to go to the ER. After an ultrasound, they said I had a complete miscarriage. I was almost 9 weeks. I am devastated and I can't help but blame myself. Yesterday, we had field day at my school and I was outside for about two hours in the morning and an hour or so in the afternoon in 85 degree weather. I really didn't do any physical activity and kept myself hydrated, but I had a headache and I felt warm all last night. When I was outside, I didn't feel like I was getting overheated. Do you think being in the heat for a long period may have contributed to the miscarriage? My husband has been so good to me and he keeps telling me that it was probably a chromosomal abnormality that caused it. I just keep thinking I could have prevented this. I'm sorry this is so long. I just feel so empty and I just needed to get this out.

Re: Complete Miscarriage--Blame?

  • I'm a teacher too and was on my feet and doing recess duty... Don't blame yourself. It is not your fault.
    I know how hard it is... My husband and I had tried for one year!
  • Liz622Liz622 member
    I am so sorry for your loss.  Please realize that this is not your fault. 
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  • I am so sorry for your loss, but it absolutely was not your fault.  My understanding is that, absent some sort of severe abdominal trauma, your hormones usually have to drop significantly before you actually start bleeding.  Meaning that the miscarriage was probably underway days or even weeks before you actually started bleeding, and it had nothing to do with being outside in the heat.  Also, keep in mind that air conditioning is a relatively new invention and is only in first world countries -- pregnant women have living in 85+ degree weather for a long time.  

    Having had 2 miscarriages myself, I totally understand the need to make sense of it and figure out what went wrong, but the reality is that unless you were smoking, drinking alcohol, and drinking in excess of 3 cups of coffee per day, you did nothing to cause this.  
  • kimey1kimey1 member
    Dont blame yourself. It was my initial reaction when The doc told me there was no more heartbeat but we can't beat ourselves up. Unfortunately, it just happens. Or fortunately, it happens, without it being our fault.

    Please eat well and rest well to give yourself time for your body to heal first. You didn't do anything wrong. <3
  • Thank you all so much. I think I just needed some reassurance. I know that most miscarriages happen because of hormonal or chromosomal issues. I just couldn't stop thinking it was something I did. Reading your responses did bring me some relief.
  • I think the first phase of MC is to blame yourself, what could you have done differently to have a different outcome.  I don't think any one of us on here is going to place the blame on you, and neither should you.  I think your husband is probably right that it was a chromosomal abnormality, but it is just one of those things we will never know.

    Please be kind to yourself!  So sorry for your loss.
    BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
    DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16).  "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
    DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18).  "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
    BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21).  "Round 3 FIGHT!"
  • momurphmomurph member
    So sorry for your loss. Know that it wasn't your fault at all. It was most likely something that was set into motion from the moment of conception. I'm in a similar boat as you are... Ttc 2 years, finally a BFP, then lost the heartbeat around 9.5 weeks, just had my D&C Monday. So many of us know this heartbreak and devastation all too well. Big hugs to you!
  • This is my second loss and I've learned that you can literally blame anything. I've blamed what I did do, what I didn't do, what I ate, what I didn't eat, what I took (meds), what I didn't take, even what I drank (actual beverages, not alcohol) or didn't drink.... all centered around the premise that it's my fault. It is a normal reaction to such a traumatic loss. The fact of the matter is that it is unlikely it was your fault in any way... but that fact offers no answers and very little comfort. In the absence of answers, and sometimes even when we have an answer, it is human nature to try to figure out why and since we as women carried our angels we are our easiest target. (((HUGS)))
    Mom to 2 earth angels (2006,2010) and 2 angels in heaven (2009- 20w 5d; cause unknown, 2015- 7w4d; trisomy 22).

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