Funerals and pregnancy

Gingerella8

Its been a rough week for our family, My husbands father passed away this weekend . DH and his father haven't spoken in over 15 years and I had never met him. Despite thier strained relationship we have decided to step up and handle his final expenses. The funeral will be over two hours away in his home town, so it will just be a graveside service .

So... Today I have had several people mention to me that I should NOT attend the funeral, including my mother . Apparently it is a big superstition and no-no in the jewish faith (we are not very religious) to not go to a cemetery while pregnant.

I was planning on going anyway, I can not imagine not going and being there for my husband. I was thinking of having a red ribbon with me (ok I'm a little superstitious ). Has anyone heard of this???

StephN310

I haven't but I'm not Jewish.

I have to go to a funeral tomorrow too.

nsaid4u

I have never heard of that and it sounds ridiculous to believe such a thing...although i am not one to believe superstitions. It seems irrational.

leah665

I'm not sure what the red ribbon symbolizes, but if it makes you feel better I say do it!

LiveNLove44

This was so interesting to me! I've never heard of this, but I obviously had to look into it! It sounds like there is a lot of history with many pregnancy beliefs like this, and many of them are religiously tied. When I told DH what you'd mentioned, he said, "Hocus pocus!" and walked away. I am clearly not on board with poo-pooing another person's beliefs, so I am interested in learning more about what you believe. 

Personally, my relationship with God is one that is rooted in trust and faith. I do not believe that celebrating the life of a lost loved one is going to curse my unborn child, and I do not believe that notion or related beliefs align with my faith. In my opinion, it just seems trivial and, as you mentioned, superstitious more than faith-based. 

I was checking out other beliefs, and this came up: https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-life/pregnancy-superstitions/#page=10 so I thought it was worth checking out. Best of luck with your decision!

BlueTopazBride

First of all, I am sorry that you guys are going through a rough time with this. Even if you weren't close with your father in law, events like this can dredge up old feelings from the past.

I am a little superstitious too. While intellectually I understand that my superstitions have no basis in science or fact, I can't imagine blowing them off. It's only crazy if it doesn't work. Do what feels right for you and your family. If you feel like you should be there, then be there. If wearing a red ribbon brings you peace or you feel safer or protected, then do it. Your heart won't lead you wrong here.

BRIANNAT711

I went to my DH's grandmothers funeral 4 days ago and so far baby and I are fine. I am not superstitious but you should do whatever makes you comfortable.

BbyCastillo

I am very sorry your family is going through a loss my heart goes out to you guys. Funerals are never a pleasant thing to go through wether close or not with the deceased it's always sad but it's a part of life do whatever makes you feel comfortable! If wearing a red ribbon or using crossed safety pins (I did that when I attended a funeral during my first pregnancy) my grandma told me to...I've heard of this before, my family is catholic & I attended my best friends viewing/burial. I trust in God & my faith is stronger than any superstition although I know I turned to the myths of safety pins protecting me from any evil as I've heard about red also being good for that & a "deer's eye" with red as well...I did what I had to do to get through my loss and to also feel safe & comfortable while being pregnant. Best of luck to your husband his family & of coarse you! So sorry!!!

Boonhilde

I haven't heard of this. I'm not Jewish though. I can tell you that many expectant mothers go to funerals and everything goes just fine.

If you were closer to the deceased, then I'd encourage you to ignore superstition and go, but since you're not.... Well, if I were you I'd talk to the hubs about it. See how he'd feel if you weren't there. If he really wants you there I say go.

deanna1313

I am not jewish and have never heard of this either.
How would your husband feel if you don't go? It is his father and even though they haven't spoken it is still ,understandably, a hard time for him I'm sure.
I would go and although I am a little superstitious I'm not serious about it. A lot if people feel it's risky to buy things for your baby or decorate a nursery in advance. There's no way I'm waiting on all that stuff. Did it with my first and he's just fine!
Like I said in not jewish so it's hard to tell you what to do.

Krysta6

I have never heard of this! I went to a funeral around 8 weeks pregnant and me and baby are still good :-)

My mother recently told me that I can't go in the ocean and let a wave hit me because someone told her it will cause a miscarriage. I plan to go into the ocean

I guess I believe that what is meant to be will be, so if I'm meant to have a healthy baby I will have a healthy baby. So you have to decide what you believe in

Telebell

I'm Jewish and have never heard of this!

ELParker814

I am Jewish... also not very religious... but this is something that would make me uncomfortable. I would probably not go unless it was someone that I was REALLY close to. 

There is NO LAW that says that you can not go... Here is a great article:

https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1246130/jewish/Pregnant-Women-in-Cemeteries.htm

Ultimately, you have to do what makes you the most comfortable. When my grandmother passed away my cousin's wife did not go to the funeral. No one thought anything bad of it. It is a cultural superstision and you have to decide how much faith you are going to put into it....

xpaperx

I am Jewish and have never heard of this. I grew up reformed and recently visited my dads gravesite. I also went when pregnant with my first, who is named for my dad.

MamaOwl15

I think it's up to you and if you decide not to go, it shouldn't be because of superstitions YOU don't believe in, but perhaps because you weren't really close to the deceased.

However, it sounds like this might be important to your DH; even though he hasn't spoken to his father in years, he won't be able to go back and change his mind about attending the funeral. I'm guessing he'd want you there.

If it were me, if someone in my extended family died, I'd attend the funeral, superstitions be damned.