FTM vent sesh — The Bump
December 2014 Moms

FTM vent sesh

Im a FTM to a perfect 5 month old (Thursday) baby boy who's the light of my life. But that's not the point of this post, lol.

I have ALWAYS gotten along with my fiances family (mother & grandmother). We've always had a great relationship, and I guess you could say we still do, BUT since my DS has been born everything they do drives me CRAAAAAZY. Literally everything. For example, I'm not the matererialstic type, but when it comes to my son, i want him to have have nice things (although, wouldn't consider baby clothing expensive). His mother can't seem to spend more than a dollar on her grandsons clothing. I'm all about stretching a dollar, sure. But I'm also not going to be thrilled when you bring over a 25cent onesie that you got from the Salvation Army. (Like I'm glad you're excited, but is he not worth more than that?) and that's every piece of clothing she's ever bought him.

That's just ONE thing she does...

His grandmother, (whom I was so close with before LO arrived) bless her heart, I know she means well but shut up, stop, do you see the look I'm giving you right now? Enough. Eveything she does, says, gives me anxiety through the roof. For example: although she's known for 6+ months now that baby is a HE, she called HIM "IT". "Aww look at IT" "IT'S laughing" "ITS hungry"

......it makes me cringe yall, & I have told her it bothers me over & over & over again, but does it stop? Nope.

Another things she does is constantly speaking on how she "never gets to see him" & "she's missing out". She seems him every two weeks, if not more, and that's not sufficient? My grandmother lives 5 hours away, has seen him 3 since he was born, one of those times being his actual birth, but YOURE the one missing out?

I could literally go on & on about things that bother me with them. But I'll spare you. Last thing I'm going to adress is their recent visit.

His moms got a couple screws loose, but nothing compared to my mom so I never thought anything of it. It never hit me how crazy she actually is until this past weekend.

They get here, M's asleep on my chest, and instead of waiting for him to wake up, MIL just walts' over and scoops him off me. Well, that's didn't blow over to well, and he FREAKED OUT. I mean huge crocodile tears, screaming crying. GIL sits there repeating herself saying "he doesn't know us, he doesn't like new people, he's not used to us, he doesn't know us..." And I'm just thinking I'm my head like "NO, that's not it. If someone I knew or not, snatched me out of my mamas arms while I was snoozin, and then proceeded to yell in my face, and cackle like hens then I would freak out too"

FYI, I was loving every second of it. Terrible of me, I know, but man, was it satisfying to snatch MY BABY back and him calm down right away.

Visit proceeded normally, you know, then asking me questions while they're torturing my child and then when I answer the talk over me and don't listen to a damn word I say, until I finally give up and shut my mouth. MIL says to me "you guys should go to a movie and you an drop him off to pops and my house" I simply responded with, "we don't really go to the movies" not a yes, or a no. Idk if it's just me, but I don't wanna leave my baby. I'm perfectly content at home on the weekends, with my family, living the mom and dad life. It's nothing against her, I just don't want to. Not right now at least. Anyways, visit continues, and she states again "you should really go out and drop him off with us and let us watch him" I didn't say anything this time, & I honestly don't remember what fiancé said, if anything. But she responds with "you know, if you keep pushing people away, then no ones going to be there when you need them" .....um what? I said nothing. She sat there for a while quietly, then all of a sudden stood up, and said "I'm leaving, bye" and left. I was just like woah.

I thought about it some and kinda felt bad for a second. (For some reason, since M's been born, I feel like I shouldn't step on people's toes, but then I remember, HEY, he's my baby, hate me if you want too.) and that's exactly how I felt, like I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt, but you'll get over it, if I did something to you personally, then I'd apologize. But I certainly won't apologize for anything that has to do with how, what, or where I do with my child. Maybe I'm wrong?

Feedback would be greatly appreciated, thoughts, questions, comments, anything. Thanks for taking the time to read my rant lol :)
pchungUseTheTriforce94

Re: FTM vent sesh

  • jbird1222jbird1222 member
    edited May 2015
    Holy cow. You're definitely justified in your anger. Who seriously calls a beautiful baby an "it"? That would definitely put me over the edge. Have you tried having fiancé talk to his family about all their craziness? Maybe they'd be more willing to listen to him.
    ebilbaoheyitstoriUseTheTriforce94
  • bjb1979bjb1979 member
    I completely understand. I have never really seen eye to eye with some of the in-laws, they just take over and don't care that's she's our baby and we plan to raise her our way, not theirs.
    And the "asking questions then talking over you", holy crap thats my in-laws all over.
    I was just a vessel for their grandchild.
    Luckily, even though they live below us, they said they'll stay out of our business, it was meant to be a guilt trip but I love it haha!
    UseTheTriforce94
  • Loading the player...
  • I understand. My in laws definitely get to me. Like, my MIL refuses to learn how to put a cloth diaper on. She insists on pushing the stroller in the street instead of using sidewalks in each of our neighborhoods (which I'm going to stop because, hello, it's where cars drive), and she always tries to give him bottles even though I breastfeed. My FIL doesn't do too much in regards to the baby but he has so much nervous energy that it gives me anxiety. And he drinks a lot. And he's a bit mysogenistic. Ugh. They mean well, but seeing them once a week is a bit too much.
  • bjb1979 said:

    I completely understand. I have never really seen eye to eye with some of the in-laws, they just take over and don't care that's she's our baby and we plan to raise her our way, not theirs.
    And the "asking questions then talking over you", holy crap thats my in-laws all over.
    I was just a vessel for their grandchild.
    Luckily, even though they live below us, they said they'll stay out of our business, it was meant to be a guilt trip but I love it haha!

    This. I almost always feel as if I was just a tool to get what the in laws wanted... MY baby... And my mother-in-law is living with us for a while and at playtime she always tries to get baby's attention away from me... And don't even get me started on the crazy social media sharing! She clicks away like a mad woman and sends the pics to whoever she wishes! I know they're all little things, but over a period of time, they start annoying you more than you can stand.. I keep praying for patience and hope for the best.
    UseTheTriforce94
  • I feel all of your pain. My mil recently tired giving my 5 month old icing I got mad told her no then agrees with me the next day that we're ( she is included her self with everything involving my baby) not going to give her junk. I siting there like do you not remember what happened yesterday. Plus we see her twice every week but she is also missing out and calls everyday to see what baby is doing ( really she is a baby she's not doing much of anything).
  • Yes, yes, yes! Why are they like this?! I had a gear relationship with my in laws before but now can't stand them! Everything is about them and how they don't get any time with her at all, they are always in the way and can't seem to do anything actually helpful when here, so annoying! I feel your pain :)
  • I'm so glad I'm not the only one, lol. I try sooooo hard to just let it go, and not let it bother me, but I can't. They're comments/actions eat away at me. You'd think they would want to respect our wishes and appreciate the fact that we're doing this without relying on them every step of the way, but nopeeee.

    I could literally go on all day about it.

    But, he is MY baby, and WE (fiancé and I) are the ones who will make any and every decision that has to do with him. And with that, they can get over it, or not, it's not my problem either way.
  • I think you all need to step up and lay the metaphorical smack down. My ILs have actually been decent, but my mom has been super awkward. Fortunately they live 1000 miles away - but she still managed to drive me nuts!! During one visit, she was picking up LO and said "come to momma." Ummm, WHAT?! I know it's likely a strange role shift, but he has a mom, thank you very much. But I told her so! Don't just bite your tongue - that won't fix anything.

    When LO was really young, my mom used to text that she was being left out if she didn't get a new pic of him within like, 12 hours. This was before he was sleeping thru the night and I woke up once at like 3am to feed him and had a text from my mom about how she wasn't getting her due. Because THAT'S what I am worried about at 3am - you getting your due!! We had a good long talk afterword and things haven't been perfect but I can tell she is trying to reign herself in.

    The moral of the story is that you - or your SO - needs to say something, otherwise your LOs will be 5, 10, 15, and this shit will still be happening.
    BFP on 4.3.2014
    EDD 12.10.2014
    DS #1 born 12.16.2014 - He's perfect!

    image
    jbird1222UseTheTriforce94
  • I think you all need to step up and lay the metaphorical smack down. My ILs have actually been decent, but my mom has been super awkward. Fortunately they live 1000 miles away - but she still managed to drive me nuts!! During one visit, she was picking up LO and said "come to momma." Ummm, WHAT?! I know it's likely a strange role shift, but he has a mom, thank you very much. But I told her so! Don't just bite your tongue - that won't fix anything.

    When LO was really young, my mom used to text that she was being left out if she didn't get a new pic of him within like, 12 hours. This was before he was sleeping thru the night and I woke up once at like 3am to feed him and had a text from my mom about how she wasn't getting her due. Because THAT'S what I am worried about at 3am - you getting your due!! We had a good long talk afterword and things haven't been perfect but I can tell she is trying to reign herself in.

    The moral of the story is that you - or your SO - needs to say something, otherwise your LOs will be 5, 10, 15, and this shit will still be happening.

    I agree completely. I'm a speak my mind type of girl, as to where my SO is a bite his tongue type of guy. And his mom is a little nuts. So I know he tries not to hurt her feelings. When I approach her about something she always says she "completely understands" and she "never wants to overstep her boundaries" but honestly, it all depends on the day what her actions/mood is going to be...unfortunately.
    UseTheTriforce94
  • pchungpchung member
    I read this and had to look up to make sure I did not write this.  Sorry for bring a old post up again but just could not resist.

    Kinda nice to know I am not the only one with IL issues. 
    heyitstoriUseTheTriforce94
  • Don't apologize! It's great to know I'm not the only one with these feelings. I try so hard lol and it's gotten a little better but I know it'll never be an ideal situation. We're in the same boat mama, I feeeeeel you lol.
    UseTheTriforce94
  • They get here, M's asleep on my chest, and instead of waiting for him to wake up, MIL just walts' over and scoops him off me. Well, that's didn't blow over to well, and he FREAKED OUT. I mean huge crocodile tears, screaming crying. GIL sits there repeating herself saying "he doesn't know us, he doesn't like new people, he's not used to us, he doesn't know us..." And I'm just thinking I'm my head like "NO, that's not it. If someone I knew or not, snatched me out of my mamas arms while I was snoozin, and then proceeded to yell in my face, and cackle like hens then I would freak out too"
    Extremely late to the party! Lol I'm sorry but this cracked me up way too much. This sounds completely BSC.


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