An I being unreasonable?

mishmardhiono

My mum asked to borrow our car to move something's as we have an SUV. The babies seat has been installed. We do not smoke. The car seat is $600. She smokes and decided to smoke in our non smoking car with our car seat in it. Am I being unreasonable by telling her to a. Get the car professionally detailed to get he smoke out and to replace the cat seat? I am so so so angry I'm just stewing on it and haven't said anything yet

foxa319

Nope do it! That's a douchey move on her part esp when you are doing her a favor!!

laurendutch

I'd be so pissed! I would ask but probably expect nothing to come of it...

klkonwi

Second hand smoke is not cool so no you are not being unreasonable. And you don't want your car seat reaking!

karaelaine1991

Not unreasonable at all!

TheEA

I think it's totally disrespectful of her to smoke in your car. If this happened to me I would demand she pay for a supreme detail cleaning and replace the car seat. You are definitely not overreacting. My blood is boiling just thinking about this!!!

mishmardhiono

Thanks everyone, approached it totally crazy pregnant bitch styles. It was denied, my dad then came out to the car had a spaz out that she'd be so stupid because it stinks and we are having it detailed and replaced. The consequence of not doing it would be I pay for it and refuse her access to the baby. At least I can take comfort that once baby is born I'm sure she will remember her expensive mistake and not smoke around the baby.

mrs1374a

You're not being unreasonable, second hand smoke is no joke and I hate the smell and would be livid if someone did that to me. But have you tried washing the car seat?

Cuij

It's awesome you stood up for yourself and that your father backed you up! Good for you! I think I would have been OK just washing the car seat cover but I have no idea how bad it likely was. It was so incredibly disrespectful of your mother to borrow your car and literally poison it for her grandkid. Maybe consider making her pay for a new air filter as well? It was the first thing I thought of.

My parents don't smoke. But I do have a fear that one day my MIL will secretly baptize my children!

mishmardhiono

mrs1374a said:

You're not being unreasonable, second hand smoke is no joke and I hate the smell and would be livid if someone did that to me. But have you tried washing the car seat?

Yeah I could have but I don't see why I should pull apart a brand new car seat that hasn't been used to wash it for no reason other than someone else's stupidity. I have said to them they can keep the car seat for web they need to use it but we work hard for the things we have and have been separated for most of this pregnancy to gain enough savings to give our child the best start. I'm not having someone come along and damage our sacrifices because they are stupid and self absorbed. If it was going to financially effect my parents maybe I'd wash it but they are in a position that they can afford to replace it

mccall35

Good for you. I don't know if I would have had the guts to stand up to my mum had I been in your situation. I'm happy you did, and will try to channel your confidence at my future roadblocks!

aj1327

We just got a brand new SUV last night with no car seat yet. I'd go ballistic if anyone smoked in it. Glad it got worked out and glad you stood your ground!

bee19831

No that's awesome ! I would flip

enigmaticjj

I would be infuriated and feel violated (like she'd just take a crap in the middle of your car!).  I'd feel that way even if I wasn't expecting a baby, but more so while expecting because you want the best and be protective of them.  My entire family smoked while I was growing up and my only sanctuary was my room so I would get upset if anyone was even hovering around the doorway smoking.  It also upsets me when people think I'm overreacting about not wanting that stank on or near me...besides it being unhealthy...it's nasty smelling!

I'm pleasantly surprised to see everyone else (so far) feels the same!

lovethatcolosun

I'd be pissed too, but please don't be wasteful. The cover easily comes off to be washed because baby accidents will happen. Wash it and wipe down the plastic with a Clorox wipe. Have the car detailed and send her the bill so she can see how much her stupid misjudgment costs.

mishmardhiono

Thanks for all support. I'm not being wasteful. I'm not throwing the car seat in the bin. From being a previous smoker I know ash floats all through the car. We have had the car seat installed and adjusted professionally. To go and pull it apart would defeat the purpose of having paid someone to do the adjustment for us. I have no issue with them washing it and using it for our child but we work hard for our things ad shouldn't hve to compromise on what we will accept. It was a lot easier for her to not smoke in the car ten for us to pull it apart and put it back together and hve it readjusted. I also think this is going to be a very strong lesson in years to come about boundaries and respecting us as parents not as her children. I do appreciate your poit of view thiugh

lovethatcolosun

I'm not sure which brand you bought but there is usually a base that the seat locks into. You can take out the seat and leave the base. The cover usually easily comes off because it's attached with snaps and clips. It's done this way in case the baby pukes or other bodily fluids leak onto it. In my experience you'll have to wash it numerous times throughout the first couple of years. That's all I was saying. Good luck to you.

finchfeeder80

I'm sorry, I've got to go with @lovethatcolosun on this one. What are you going to do every time there's a diaper blowout, projectile vomit, bottle spill, etc.? Replace the whole car seat?

Yes, it was disrespectful for her to smoke in your car and I understand that I'm very in the minority but I feel that replacing an entire car seat that can be easily cleaned is too much. By all means, have her pay for a detailing but I personally find it so grossly wasteful the replace an entire car seat for one incidence of smoking. If she had had the car for weeks and smoked non stop in it with the windows shut I may be a little more sympathetic. You've got to learn a little flexibility as a parent or you're going to be angry and absolutely miserable all the time.

If you insist on getting rid of the car seat, please donate it to a family less fortunate who would be more than happy to clean it and have a perfectly serviceable car seat they otherwise would not have been able to afford.

mishmardhiono

We haven't got a capsule, we hae a seat. I have no issue with the baby spoiling the babies things. I have an issue with an adult smoking around a baby's things and thinking it's perfectly okay. That's bullshit. I will be more than happy to be grumpy and miserable if it means in the end I am looking after my child's best interests.

The car seat will continue to be used. I would never toss it out. If it doesn't he used then it's going to be donated. But I want my child to lay in a new car seat. The one I paid for. With no smoke, no ash, no washing detergent because someone was so self absorbed and decided to damage my property. I don't think we will have thee issue of her disrespecting us again. If she spilt something on it I would wash it, but smoking? I'm not making any allowances for it.

Serenamarr

@finchfeeder80 I think she said she would wash it and have her parents keep that car seat for them to use in their car when they watch her child. So it's not so much the not wanting to use it as it is making a point to her mother.

Which hopefully that point does get made because if you plan on them having their own car seat hopefully you can trust her not to smoke in the car with your baby!

KonaCoffeeBean

I think you should ask her to detail the car, and also to wash the car seat. If it still smells at all, then ask her to replace it.

jessieR358

I'm just in shock that you spent $600 on a car seat. I'm all for high end items but What brand did you buy? That's crazy.
Agree that your mother should pay for detailing. Maybe you can buy a new insert for the car seat from the company. But I would just wash it.

dancegurl1118

Good for you. I don't care about being wasteful, second hand smoke bothers people at different levels and that would eat at me.

Jen61811

Have her detail and wash the carseat. You mentioned having her keep the carseat to use for your baby? Is this not going to happen again? If she is sincerely apologetic then move on and dont dwell on it. I agree it was extremely disrespectful but you stood up for yourself and hopefully it will not happen again. So no you arent being unreasonable in being upset but having an entire carseat replaced or forbidden her to see the baby is a little extreme. But then again we dont fully know your relationship with your mom so just my opinion.

kbbtah

@mishmardhiono you're more thoughtful than me...if I were in your situation HEADS WOULD ROLL. Yes, she should get it detailed, pay for it, and apologize for being ungrateful and disrespectful. You have my support!

Frogger5

I think this is pretty absurd when you step back and think about it. If she is going to still use this "damaged" car seat with your baby, how are you protecting him? If you're freaking out about the toxins from this brief exposure to the car seat probably weeks before the baby is going to use it, how can you justify ever letting your baby around your mom or anyone that smokes ever? The toxins will be all in their hair, on their hands, on their clothes, and in the air around them. And you're ok with the baby being in her car (where she undoubtedly smokes A LOT)? Sorry, you just sound like you're having a temper tantrum. I get that it was rude and disrespectful, but I don't see how you punishing her and basics humiliating her is going to help (besides making you feel powerful and righteous).

HoosOnFirst

I agree with a few of the prior posters. It was absolutely unacceptable for her to smoke in your car but the reaction seems to be about 5% too extreme... I think the point could have been made in other ways. This could mean you alienate her.

gracieloohoo

Which car seat is $600? I would make her detail the car and wash the car seat cover. Its not tainted just smelly. I agree its disrespectful to smoke in someones elses car regardless of a baby or not.

sspyles

Frogger5 said:

I think this is pretty absurd when you step back and think about it. If she is going to still use this "damaged" car seat with your baby, how are you protecting him? If you're freaking out about the toxins from this brief exposure to the car seat probably weeks before the baby is going to use it, how can you justify ever letting your baby around your mom or anyone that smokes ever? The toxins will be all in their hair, on their hands, on their clothes, and in the air around them. And you're ok with the baby being in her car (where she undoubtedly smokes A LOT)? Sorry, you just sound like you're having a temper tantrum. I get that it was rude and disrespectful, but I don't see how you punishing her and basics humiliating her is going to help (besides making you feel powerful and righteous).

All this.

mishmardhiono

I slept on it, became far more reasonable. I will admit I am having a temper tantrum. It's got to do with disrespecting us and our property. Not the safety of the baby being exposed to her smoke in weeks to come. I am making a point.

The car seat that is $600 is in Australia, we need seats up until the child is 7 ad this seat will last from 0-7 with a 7yr replacement if it is ever in an accident. May seem expensive but it is our child's life I'd rather spend $600 on a car seat than an iPad or a pretty cot.

The car seat won't ever be in her car, it would be in my fathers car that doesn't get smoked in and has never been smoked in. She will not be smoking around our baby. No one will. It suprises me how many people expect to have accomodations made for then because they smoke. They will not be up at 3am with our baby being sick because we chose to allow them to smoke near our child. Maybe it'll be a good kick for her for her to give up smoking which would be the best for everyone.

I am goin to get the car detailed, take out the car seat and have it dry cleaned and she will pay for all of tht plus the reinstallation. Thanks for all of your opinions they were appreciated.

littlemagen&ben

I don't think you are being unreasonable, some people are failing to understand that you can't just wash cigarette smoke off of things no matter how briefly it was exposed, I think the fact that you worked very hard for something nice and new is good enough reason alone.

Frogger5

littlemagen&ben said:

I don't think you are being unreasonable, some people are failing to understand that you can't just wash cigarette smoke off of things no matter how briefly it was exposed, I think the fact that you worked very hard for something nice and new is good enough reason alone.

You can, though. That's how washing things works.

Frogger5

mishmardhiono said:

I slept on it, became far more reasonable. I will admit I am having a temper tantrum. It's got to do with disrespecting us and our property. Not the safety of the baby being exposed to her smoke in weeks to come. I am making a point.

The car seat that is $600 is in Australia, we need seats up until the child is 7 ad this seat will last from 0-7 with a 7yr replacement if it is ever in an accident. May seem expensive but it is our child's life I'd rather spend $600 on a car seat than an iPad or a pretty cot.

The car seat won't ever be in her car, it would be in my fathers car that doesn't get smoked in and has never been smoked in. She will not be smoking around our baby. No one will. It suprises me how many people expect to have accomodations made for then because they smoke. They will not be up at 3am with our baby being sick because we chose to allow them to smoke near our child. Maybe it'll be a good kick for her for her to give up smoking which would be the best for everyone.

I am goin to get the car detailed, take out the car seat and have it dry cleaned and she will pay for all of tht plus the reinstallation. Thanks for all of your opinions they were appreciated.

I think you should be commended for coming to a very reasonable compromise. Taking time before reacting is something I really struggle with but it's easy to see in other people's situation! I'm still interested in this car seat, though. Even a considering you might be quoting Australian dollars and that it is convertible, that still is really expensive. Is it because some things are just hard to come by there? Excuse my ignorance; I've heard, for example, that furniture is really expensive in New Zealand compared to the states.

mishmardhiono

Sleigh cots in Australia are $1300. Capsules are between 250-600. Cheapest cot we have seen is $200. Car seats range from about $150-$700. We chose the upper end, we could have gone cheaper but preferred not to. Online I have seen the US is far cheaper than here you also have a lot more options. The chicco lullaby at babies r us USA is$189.99. In Australia the Chico lullaby is $549.00. Totally the same product

Frogger5

mishmardhiono said:

Sleigh cots in Australia are $1300. Capsules are between 250-600. Cheapest cot we have seen is $200. Car seats range from about $150-$700. We chose the upper end, we could have gone cheaper but preferred not to. Online I have seen the US is far cheaper than here you also have a lot more options. The chicco lullaby at babies r us USA is$189.99. In Australia the Chico lullaby is $549.00. Totally the same product

Well, the availability of cheap consumer goods in the US hasn't necessarily been good for us (or lots of other countries), but that is a pretty considerable difference. I hope the benefits of being Australian outweigh having to pay more for stuff ! You can't win on all fronts.

queequeg09256

I just have to say sorry for the drama there op! That blows! The last thing I want to do right now is worry about getting stuff washed, detailed and reinstalled. I'm also bad about freaking out and try to now take the time to really think about it, I really like your new solution. I know I get a little upset about people smoking near buildings here, even though my dad smoked for many years in the home. Luckily no more smokers in the family. I wish you all the best and think the dry cleaning will really help!

mishmardhiono

Frogger5 said:

mishmardhiono said:

Sleigh cots in Australia are $1300. Capsules are between 250-600. Cheapest cot we have seen is $200. Car seats range from about $150-$700. We chose the upper end, we could have gone cheaper but preferred not to. Online I have seen the US is far cheaper than here you also have a lot more options. The chicco lullaby at babies r us USA is$189.99. In Australia the Chico lullaby is $549.00. Totally the same product

Well, the availability of cheap consumer goods in the US hasn't necessarily been good for us (or lots of other countries), but that is a pretty considerable difference. I hope the benefits of being Australian outweigh having to pay more for stuff ! You can't win on all fronts.

Can't complain really, I'd rather pay more for unimportant things then have to worry about medical bills. I don't think we realise how tough Americans have it compared to us and being on thebump totally opened my eyes to how lucky we are (free medical, continued salary payments for 6 months, 12 months leave with gaurunteed job to return to, childcare subsidies to get us back to work). I hope you guys one day soon get the same.

KiwiMumof3

@mishmardhiono we have an ad over here in New Zealand that says the toxins from smoking in cars can stay there for 7 years. You can't just clean it out as some have said.... I'm sure as a one off though that wouldn't be the case. Also agree with you about the being a little shocked by the difference in what we get compared to America. I love free health care! Don't so much love that a pram cost me $1400....

ElRuby

Wash it in vinegar... That neutralizes just about any smell and you don't have to worry about the added chemicals of dry cleaning.

a_bushey

I would have done the same thing, except maybe seeing if the car seat could have been professionally cleaned for less before replacing it.  You were being a kind person allowing the use of your SUV and your feelings were not respected.  Good for you for standing your ground.