OP: Have you thought that since he knows your schedule and you are gone for a large portion of the day, that he may have wanted you to walk in? It may seem a little far fetched, but it's obviously gotten your attention. Maybe he's hoping to motivate you a little bit in the bedroom!
I'm a guy and when my fiancee was in the last month of her first trimester and first month of her second we had very little sex because it was painful for her so I was pleasing myself often because I knew when we did have sex it usually could not be for very long or very fast and thus I most likely would not be able to achieve an orgasm. I did this so that I wouldn't end up frustrated later and my fiancee knows. She knows that I simply look at pictures of her or sometimes just being on the phone with her will help me. To her she loves the idea of thinking of me pleasuring myself just as much as I love knowing she thinks about me when she does it.
As a guy I'm not going to pressure my fiancee to have sex if she isn't in the mood, doesn't feel well etc but I know that I have a high sex drive and she normally does so going from having sex every day to only a few times a week is bound to cause me some frustration so why not save us both a headache and take care of myself. Maybe I just have the best fiancee in the world but I would think most women would appreciate that their SO is cognizant of the fact their SO may not want to or cannot have sex and don't pressure them to. I am also very open about the fact I pleasure myself.
@whymista, while I agree with everything you said (my husband and I have a very similar relationship), I would emphasize a sticking point to this whole discussion. I think ultimately, the division here from almost everyone does not come down to masturbation, which everyone seems to agree is healthy and normal, but to the use of pornography. You specifically mentioned in your post that you use pictures of your wife or talk to her on the phone in order to provide the stimulation you need. This is means that she is, directly or indirectly, involved. That seems to be what frustrates a lot of women - the fact that their significant other is either not seeking them out or is looking at other women in order to get off. I know that's the sticking point for me - I feel like I am being cheated on if my husband is looking at other women, since I have provided him with pictures of me if he is away from home and am usually more than willing if we are both home.
But I think that communication you mentioned is critical. Knowing what, exactly, it is that upsets either partner about the behavior is key in making sure both are able to function without putting excess strain on the relationship.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
@whymista, while I agree with everything you said (my husband and I have a very similar relationship), I would emphasize a sticking point to this whole discussion. I think ultimately, the division here from almost everyone does not come down to masturbation, which everyone seems to agree is healthy and normal, but to the use of pornography. You specifically mentioned in your post that you use pictures of your wife or talk to her on the phone in order to provide the stimulation you need. This is means that she is, directly or indirectly, involved. That seems to be what frustrates a lot of women - the fact that their significant other is either not seeking them out or is looking at other women in order to get off. I know that's the sticking point for me - I feel like I am being cheated on if my husband is looking at other women, since I have provided him with pictures of me if he is away from home and am usually more than willing if we are both home.
But I think that communication you mentioned is critical. Knowing what, exactly, it is that upsets either partner about the behavior is key in making sure both are able to function without putting excess strain on the relationship.
Well its not that I have never used porn before while we were together but again because most of us men are visual I used it for initial stimulation. The woman in the video is unimportant to me it simply helps you get going. I do agree that if it does bother your SO that there are ways around it. For me I still prefer the images I have that she has sent me or we've taken together, sexually charged text and my own imagination because I can imagine and remember all of our times together which is way better than any horribly acted porn where the woman is clearly faking everything.
I am glad that my fiancee has never had an issue with it but if she did it wouldn't be an issue since after the first month or so of us being together I have plenty of good memories to get me through times I have to pleasure myself. I may also be weird in that when it was painful for her or she was just too tired I adapted to her libido and really didn't miss it. I still was really sexually interested but I didn't actually miss the sex if that makes sense.
@whymista, while I agree with everything you said (my husband and I have a very similar relationship), I would emphasize a sticking point to this whole discussion. I think ultimately, the division here from almost everyone does not come down to masturbation, which everyone seems to agree is healthy and normal, but to the use of pornography. You specifically mentioned in your post that you use pictures of your wife or talk to her on the phone in order to provide the stimulation you need. This is means that she is, directly or indirectly, involved. That seems to be what frustrates a lot of women - the fact that their significant other is either not seeking them out or is looking at other women in order to get off. I know that's the sticking point for me - I feel like I am being cheated on if my husband is looking at other women, since I have provided him with pictures of me if he is away from home and am usually more than willing if we are both home.
But I think that communication you mentioned is critical. Knowing what, exactly, it is that upsets either partner about the behavior is key in making sure both are able to function without putting excess strain on the relationship.
Well its not that I have never used porn before while we were together but again because most of us men are visual I used it for initial stimulation. The woman in the video is unimportant to me it simply helps you get going. I do agree that if it does bother your SO that there are ways around it. For me I still prefer the images I have that she has sent me or we've taken together, sexually charged text and my own imagination because I can imagine and remember all of our times together which is way better than any horribly acted porn where the woman is clearly faking everything.
I am glad that my fiancee has never had an issue with it but if she did it wouldn't be an issue since after the first month or so of us being together I have plenty of good memories to get me through times I have to pleasure myself. I may also be weird in that when it was painful for her or she was just too tired I adapted to her libido and really didn't miss it. I still was really sexually interested but I didn't actually miss the sex if that makes sense.
I would freak out if my husband was looking at porn...that's just the way I feel. In no way do I find it right for your other half to be looking at other women.. that's just me I'd be really hurt.
Everyone seems to focus on the porn but I think the OP's feeling regarding herself is the real issue here. I suppose there are people who have zero sex drive but then maybe counseling is needed to increase compassion for the faithful spouse who doesn't. Not having sex with your partner and then making them feel bad about needing that release on their own seems like a recipe for long term unhappiness. I sincerely hope that she reads a book or seeks professional help before sharing her hurt feelings with her spouse. If she really is that non-sexual he probably has some hurt feelings as well.
Seeing ur not a sexual person it's my fair for him to sit on the sidelines waiting for you to be in the mood he's understanding for ur low libido u might want to be a little understanding of his needs. It's better then him running off and doing it with someone else. Just a thought.
Re: Ever walk in on your SO 'pleasuring himself'?
But I think that communication you mentioned is critical. Knowing what, exactly, it is that upsets either partner about the behavior is key in making sure both are able to function without putting excess strain on the relationship.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
*please excuse the post interruption*