I feel like I need to be able to support myself and our children if something should happen to my husband or his job. Of course I'd rather stay home all day, but I have great peace of mind in knowing that I can take care of myself, my husband, and our twins if I need to. I support (and encourage) working if you need the money, as long as it's okay with your doctor.
It seems like you are unable to compromise. You don't want to get a job and help support the family. You don't want to even try to go to the lake to spend time with your family. It sounds like you want to use the pregnancy excuse to get out of everything. I would love to even have the opportunity to go spend time with my husband at the lake but we both work, both he and I. Do us all a favor, if you don't get a job at least enjoy your unemployment as most of us would love a day off. Take care of your husband and spend time with him even if it tires you. Try to understand the stress that he's under and how your childish reactions aren't helping.
Btw I have had a miscarriage and I still take out the trash, grocery shop and lift the bags, and keep the house clean all while working over 40 hours. I also look forward to camping this summer with my awesome husband and our pups. Unless the doctor says that you can't do this stuff please don't use pregnancy as an excuse. Women are strong and are capable of so much. We don't need women like you acting as though we are disabled bc we are growing a human.
I just want to say, I'd be sooo grateful if I were able to do housework and keep up a normal scedule! My doctor has told me I shouldnt do much or lift much, because of some complications in my pregnancy, so I'll listen to her. If your doctor doesnt have you on rest, rejoice and live life, girl! Remember, some of us would LOVE to be able to do household chores and work (volunteer, in my case) but are unable to. If you're able to work/help around the house, get up and do it.
Have you looked into signing with a temp agency? I am a teacher and I usually sign up with a temp agency in the summer to earn extra money. Since companies are only usually looking to hire people for short periods of time, being pregnant might not be much of an issue. Plus, they often ask you about the skills you have and the type of work you would like (choose something where you can sit a lot if you are worried). I often got put into jobs as a receptionist or something along those lines for a week or two while their usual employees were on vacation, so it is a good time to do it with summer around the corner. It might be worth looking into...
Like another poster has said, my husband and I had an arrangement long before marriage that I would be a stay at home mom. We also decided that when we were trying and pregnant I may not have to work because I am bipolar and am not taking any of my medicine for it because it is dangerous to the baby and added stress of the job is dangerous to my health. We also made the agreement that if our financial situation changes at all between me quitting my job and baby, then I will be getting a job. My husband at this point can easily take care of us, so I don't work and watch my niece and nephew because my sister had to go back to work. I also know this could all change tomorrow. I would much rather work with my husband to keep the things we need than argue with him and tell him to divorce me, because honestly if he were to divorce me I would have to get a job and live with my parents.
Sit down and discuss the budget before you jump to the extreme. There are plenty of easy jobs in this world that can be done while pregnant. Pregnancy is not a disability. If your Dr has put you on bed rest though, that is a completely different story. I would be more stressed about not having the money we need rather than having to work. Think about your priorities a little.
As for jobs, try care.com It is a website that people list their needs for nannies/babysitters. I used it all the time when I was working. Starbucks is another great option. So are the maternity/baby or consignment stores. A lot of places will hire pregnant women. Plus it's illegal for them to discriminate because of that and you do not have to tell them.
Have you ever considered that if you divorced him the court would award custody to your husband due to the fact you are not financially able to look after a child? That's how it would work in the UK. My partner is working 8am until 9pm every day and is self employed, and I work full time for a bank. I don't even get to sit down and eat dinner with him at the moment because he is working so many hours to save for our child. We split our mortgage and bills 50-50 and we each save to contribute to my maternity leave so that I can look after our child for the first year before HAVING to return to work full time to help support our family. I am fortunate that In the UK healthcare and education are free but if they weren't and things like that had to be paid for the baby I would get an additional job on top of my full time one. I would love to have a weekend with my partner to chill out with our family. He is worried that he won't be able to even take a week off work when the baby's born. So I have secretly saved an average weekly wage for him so that he can. That's what being a team is about. I still do all of the cooking and housework when I get home at 6pm so that when my partner comes home we can spend time together. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and I understand that it is heartbreaking and worrying, I have had extra appointments with the midwife and my baby is doing brilliantly. If working even 16 hrs pw is going to make a big difference then I say do it. Pregnancy is not a disability. You will probably feel so much pride when you buy your baby the things it needs with money that you have earnt.
Have you ever considered that if you divorced him the court would award custody to your husband due to the fact you are not financially able to look after a child? That's how it would work in the UK.
Maybe it's different in the UK, but I couldn't imagine this to be true in the U.S. Typically the court will send the child to live with the parent in his or her own best interest, and often, that would be the stay-at-home parent (as this is the person the child tends to be with nearly 24-7). Besides, after a divorce it would certainly be possible to pick up a job, and the non-custodial parent would pay child support. Lawyers feel free to weigh in... I'm not a lawyer, but I cannot imagine a court would take a child away from his or her mother simply because the mother had not worked during marriage and is now getting divorced.
In the US they definitely side with the parent who has and income. From my experience anyways. My friend was a legal advocate and seen it work that way all the time, even here in WA where its considered to be a womans state. Especially since he wants her to have a jpb and she is the one fighting that, it also sounds like she had a job when they got married. Sometimes she wpuld be awarded custody and alimony/ child support but he would almost have to turn down custody if the other two statements are true.
It would be nothing to do with the act of getting divorced. I was simply saying that she said that she would divorce him and I was pointing out that it wouldn't necessarily work in her favour. Just because she is the mother doesn't mean she gets the child. I was highlighting that it was an irrational thing to suggest just because he's asked her to get a job to also provide for her family.
I work my ass off at a full time job 40 hours a week, come home, cook dinner, clean the house, do laundry and much more. Like other posters have said, you're pregnant, not disabled, and quite honestly very selfish and unreasonable. If you got a divorce, you'd DEFINITELY need a job to support your child.
Have you ever considered that if you divorced him the court would award custody to your husband due to the fact you are not financially able to look after a child? That's how it would work in the UK.
Maybe it's different in the UK, but I couldn't imagine this to be true in the U.S. Typically the court will send the child to live with the parent in his or her own best interest, and often, that would be the stay-at-home parent (as this is the person the child tends to be with nearly 24-7). Besides, after a divorce it would certainly be possible to pick up a job, and the non-custodial parent would pay child support. Lawyers feel free to weigh in... I'm not a lawyer, but I cannot imagine a court would take a child away from his or her mother simply because the mother had not worked during marriage and is now getting divorced.
I just went through this ! I have custody over my son, he will be 4 in September ! went to court May 7th ! His father tried to argue the fact that he has a job right now and I do not, I have SPD this pregnancy and it makes it difficult for me to work. So currently I am a stay at home mother. The judge sided with me because I have my son 7-8 days straight before his father will see him because he works. He had work and failed to take him to a drs appointment once and the judge ate him up, saying work was more important then his sons health ! He's supposed to get visitation, 2 nights one week and 3 nights the next week, I'm primary care giver and I have final decision making, HOWEVER .. I must consult him about his doctor appointments and in the case of a disagreement I get to make any final decision necessary based on my sons best needs, not my own selfish needs !! In Canada, specifically Nova Scotia it is extremely hard to take a child from its mother unless she can be proven unfit. @jenboston22 you made a good point !
I think new moms worry about the baby being healthy- new dads worry about providing for baby. When I found out I was pregnant my husband instantly began looking for college funds! It's natural that he's worried about money. You both sound really afraid- just about different things. My advice is to talk honestly about your fears and more importantly to listen to each other. You're going to have a million moments as new parents when you disagree. Don't threaten each other, Learn now how to talk with each other and come to compromise.
DH and I have a great marriage and are good communicators. We discussed parenting before there was even a speck of a baby. That being said parenting has been the greatest strain on our marriage. Even though we discussed it.
I hope that you can sit down and talk with your DH and each can lay down what you are thinking. Threatening divorce is childish and a cop-out. And what are you going to do with a baby if you are divorced??
I know personally that a previous miscarriage makes the next pregnancy awful and scary. But...you didn't miscarry because of something you did. Pregnancy is not a disability. You can walk, bend, clean, lift reasonable amounts, and stand on your feet. It isn't always comfortable but it is doable.
I recommend looking up a Financial Peace University class in your area. It is a great class for anyone at any stage in life to go through. It would help you reevaluate your budget, and get on track together as a couple. You may find that your money is controlling you, instead of you controlling your money. You may find that right now you need a job, but not a forever job if you follow Financial Peace. Also, if you do need to get a job, perhaps there is a work from home job you can do.
To be honest, I think it is a bit out of order of you to refuse to work. I would love to spend my pregnancy not working, I guess who wouldn't, but where does the money come from?! What about when baby is here, your husband needs to pay for two! Doesn't matter if you get maternity leave/pay or not. Make money now and save it if you can. Not sure where you live, but here in the UK you don't even have to tell your employer you're pregnant until 20 weeks.
Re: Depressed about husband wanting me to get a job
Sit down and discuss the budget before you jump to the extreme. There are plenty of easy jobs in this world that can be done while pregnant. Pregnancy is not a disability. If your Dr has put you on bed rest though, that is a completely different story. I would be more stressed about not having the money we need rather than having to work. Think about your priorities a little.
As for jobs, try care.com It is a website that people list their needs for nannies/babysitters. I used it all the time when I was working. Starbucks is another great option. So are the maternity/baby or consignment stores. A lot of places will hire pregnant women. Plus it's illegal for them to discriminate because of that and you do not have to tell them.
Especially since he wants her to have a jpb and she is the one fighting that, it also sounds like she had a job when they got married. Sometimes she wpuld be awarded custody and alimony/ child support but he would almost have to turn down custody if the other two statements are true.
I just went through this ! I have custody over my son, he will be 4 in September ! went to court May 7th ! His father tried to argue the fact that he has a job right now and I do not, I have SPD this pregnancy and it makes it difficult for me to work. So currently I am a stay at home mother. The judge sided with me because I have my son 7-8 days straight before his father will see him because he works. He had work and failed to take him to a drs appointment once and the judge ate him up, saying work was more important then his sons health ! He's supposed to get visitation, 2 nights one week and 3 nights the next week, I'm primary care giver and I have final decision making, HOWEVER .. I must consult him about his doctor appointments and in the case of a disagreement I get to make any final decision necessary based on my sons best needs, not my own selfish needs !! In Canada, specifically Nova Scotia it is extremely hard to take a child from its mother unless she can be proven unfit. @jenboston22 you made a good point !
I hope that you can sit down and talk with your DH and each can lay down what you are thinking. Threatening divorce is childish and a cop-out. And what are you going to do with a baby if you are divorced??
I know personally that a previous miscarriage makes the next pregnancy awful and scary. But...you didn't miscarry because of something you did. Pregnancy is not a disability. You can walk, bend, clean, lift reasonable amounts, and stand on your feet. It isn't always comfortable but it is doable.