Pregnant = designated driver

frasch21

Anyone else get annoyed by people automatically thinking they now have a dd because you are pregnant and can't drink? I'm in a wedding soon and was asked to drive a bunch of people home. Not a big deal except I'm worried about being exhausted and ready to leave by 11 when they want to stay until 1230. I feel bad saying no because I don't want them drinking and driving but it gets annoying being expected to stay out and drive them home. I can't expect them to leave when I want to leave either beings that two of the people I have to drive are the bride and groom.

dramaphile

I know what you mean! I would be honest with them and say, "I'm willing to be the DD, but my energy level is not what it was, and I'm probably not going to last all night." You shouldn't be forced to stay out just to be polite. Warn them ahead of time and they can deal
with getting back to the hotel. How much would a cab cost? Would it be worth it to arrange for a cab for the bride and groom?

buckwheatpancakes

I agree and feel the same! I now feel I take care of drunk grown babies sober. Quite annoying.

I, too, would Share with the bride and groom that unfortunately bed time for you nowadays is 11pm and you don't plan on staying out late. You're pregnant! Most people don't realize what pregnant ladies are going thru. I for one was one of them years ago and thought pregnancy was all glorious and happy times. Ha!

Gapeach83

Maybe give bride and groom taxi/car service money as a gift.

frasch21

Unfortunately where we live our cab company only runs during the day. We live in a town of only about 23000 people. Otherwise I think that would be a great idea. I had no idea being pregnant was going to be so exhausting already! I'm glad I know now so I dont expect rides from pregnant friends in the future.

buckwheatpancakes

Is there a horse-drawn carriage service in your area? That would be quite the romantic way to go back home/to your hotel.

phyllisnefler

I agree with ^^^, particularly regarding the bride and groom -- maybe if a few people chip in, you could get them a car service as a "gift" and then you won't feel guilty about them in particular and can be a little bit more firm on timing and expectations with the other guests. It's a rough situation to put you in when you don't know how long you'll be able to last! Good luck! 

phyllisnefler

Oops, just saw your response about the cab company. Perhaps you could call and ask them for a referral on a driver who might be willing to work off-hours? 

brianna91chavez

So annoying. My sister in law's sister is getting married and I could tell it was expected that I was going to be the designated driver for her bachelorette party. I told them I would, but I wasn't going to be out past midnight. It's annoying that it was expected. I'm not losing out on my precious sleep to baby sit a bunch of drunks. I told them if they wanted to shut the bar down they could call a cab. I don't feel bad.

urby87

The ladies on my husband's side are going to an out-of-state wedding in August.  Apparently, my MIL is very excited to know that I'll be DD. 
8-|

angula06

Being DD is so annoying!! Mostly cause I'm doing it for my husband who needs to drink less anyways. I'm pretty straight up with my rides. I'll drive if I want to hangout and rides are when im ready to go home. If you're not ready when I am, I'll leave ya. Kinda bitchy but I give everyone fair warning.

aimee00

I get the same. I don't mind doing it for friends who've done it for me when they're pregnant who live close but some people expect me to drive to the other side of town to collect them then drop them back! It's not just time but in the uk fuel is really expensive!

thegingeravenger

I think automatically being DD is possibly the worst "side effect" of telling people you're pregnant. I have no problem doing it from time to time, but having it being my expected role is obnoxious. Can you just tell anyone that expects you to drive them that you plan on leaving by 11pm - anyone that isn't next to your car is SOL for a ride? Or is this a group of people that will get butthurt by blunt wording?

rmbuchholz

This may be an unpopular opinion...
But I personally think it's a bit selfish to assume that a pregnant woman will be your designated driver AND will bend her pregnant body's needs to fit your desired party schedule. That being said, I do think that a bride and groom at their wedding is a bit different, and I would suggest trying to find a solution that you could give them as a gift for their wedding (like a car service or something).

Regardless of whether or not it's a wedding, I again think it's a bit self-focused to ask one pregnant woman to drive back and forth all over town to allow others to party in the way they desire. Depending how far you're driving I would say one car trip at a reasonable hour should be considered acceptable (all the weddings I've driven for have had reception venues far from the hotels where both the guests and bride and groom were staying - not sure if this is also your situation). I think it's also very reasonable to inform people that a pregnant designated driver does not have the same stamina as a non-pregnant one, and to adjust their expectations accordingly.

Good luck!! I definitely don't think you should feel bad at all making your limits clear - you are growing a human being in your body! Your health and the baby's health should take precedence over many other things, including (in my opinion) other people's desired length of party time.

Like I said, though, this may be an unpopular opinion... Either way, good luck!

frasch21

thegingeravenger said:

I think automatically being DD is possibly the worst "side effect" of telling people you're pregnant. I have no problem doing it from time to time, but having it being my expected role is obnoxious. Can you just tell anyone that expects you to drive them that you plan on leaving by 11pm - anyone that isn't next to your car is SOL for a ride? Or is this a group of people that will get butthurt by blunt wording?

I competely agree. I never realized how annoying it was until I got pregnant and now understand how exhausting it is. Unfortunately the people I'll be giving a ride to will be the bride and groom, maid of Honor and her boyfriend, and probably another bridesmaid so no leaving early for me. I'm going to make sure to tell them that we are leaving right after the dance and I'm only taking one vehicle load of people. And we aren't squeezing in excess people. Oh and my husband will be one of the people in the car because I'm not going to let him drink and drive when I'm driving already so they will have to figure out a plan for the rest of the wedding party. I feel so bad for anytime I did this to a pregnant friend. I will never expect it again.

Favoritemandms

I'm sorry, there is absolutely zero reason that your pregnancy should make you responsible for getting the bride and groom home. So you're supposed to sit up half the night likely feeling like crap and not drinking  with a bunch of drunk people? Nope nope nope. This makes me incredibly stabby.

dogsombrero

I'm a big ole beyotch because I had a friend that said that too me last pregnancy and I just flat out said absolutely not, drunk people are only fun when you are one of them. I don't mind taking people home if they aren't expecting it but when I say I'm leaving the ship is sailing and they better be on it.

nycmommy13

Just tell them you're fine with that, but you might leave around 11 and can't drive them if they want to stay past then.

Edamama1030

No way, I have to be in bed by 10 at the latest. 8:30 is ideal.

helsbels222

I also think it's selfish for them to assume that you can stay up late to drive them home. Obviously they do not know what it's like to be pregnant. Maybe if you explain to them that you get so exhausted you could pass out behind the wheel and be more of a danger to them then a savior, they'll find another method of transportation. Also, why aren't the bride and groom taking the limo home?

rmbuchholz

@frasch21 Did you already say yes when you were asked? I'm not sure when the wedding is - if it's this weekend and you already said yes and now the bride and groom don't have another plan then it's good to do what you can (but only what you can actually reasonably do).

If you haven't already said yes I certainly do not feel like you need to feel guilty saying no. You also do not need to feel guilty saying I need to leave by 11 at the latest, I can give you a ride only if you are ok with that, and I will not be able to track you down at 11, so you need to get yourself to the door/my car by then. If they agree to that then great. If not then they need to be responsible enough to find themselves a different safe way home, or figure out a car service (I say this especially for the non-bride and groom). You have to take care of your body and your baby, and possibly also your husband that night. I personally still feel it's a bit selfish to put all of this on you.

SamanthaAshley820

My SO does this. I'll tell him too. Listen; I'm tired. We can go out for a little bit. But you're not getting drunk and were not staying out all night. So he gets hammered and stays until closing time. Then I'm having trouble staying awake while driving home...needless to say, he doesn't go to the bar that often. Now we have guys night in my house once a week. Sigh...

whatabout2ndbreakfast

just encountered this!  It's my friend's birthday and she wants me to DD her to a club.. is it rude to just drive them there and then come back and pick them up?? 

dmiller1213

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that groans a little over this. My sorority sisters want to have a reunion weekend at the beach and I already foresee how it will go and im sure all of you do too. For this exact reason, I'm going down for the day and choosing not to stay the night.

dmiller1213

Knottie1425906242 said:

just encountered this!  It's my friend's birthday and she wants me to DD her to a club.. is it rude to just drive them there and then come back and pick them up?? 

I don't think it's rude because I would do the same.. But I would just explain the situation to your friend so she doesn't get upset since it's her birthday. She should understand!

FilbertTree

Feeling stabby on your behalf OP. I have a wedding in September and while DH hasn't brought it up (probably because he's failing at grownupping at the moment), I know I'm going to be DD. Which I'm ok with because it's his friend's wedding so I would have been DD even if I wasn't knocked up. But as I'll be 34 weeks there's a really good chance I will be curled up in a corner taking a nap before my chauffeur duties... For it to just be expected *because you're pregnant* and not for valid reason is super sucky and I'd be pissed.

makeoutside7

You're nice. I would tell them to Uber it home. Not my responsibility. I am actually relieved when people don't invite me to do things that involve drinking. You shouldn't have to explain yourself, just tell them you're not interested. 

DrMommaDVM

Learn the word "No". The more you use it, the more comfortable you will become with it.

wimamaof2

DrMommaDVM said:

Learn the word "No". The more you use it, the more comfortable you will become with it.

Highly agree with @DrMommaDVM. Just say no. Your body needs rest and it's working 24/7 to supply all the needs your baby needs. My mom always says, "don't do what you don't want to do."
Also, driving tired is dangerous as well. Does the hotel have a shuttle to pick up the guests from the reception venue? We had that service at our wedding.