To Give or Not To Give?

jenjenbrassard

Hey, ladies! I wasn't quite sure where to put this, but here it goes...

My niece had her first child almost 3 years ago now, and after deciding she wasn't going to have any more children she decided to give me all of her baby clothes, even before we found out we were having a boy. Then she met her current boyfriend and they decided they wanted to have a baby. Baby has turned out to be a boy.

Ever since they found out, her mother (my SIL) keeps saying now that we will both have little boys we can trade clothes back and forth. My issue is, DH and I aren't done having children and if my next baby is another boy my family is NOT throwing me another shower. My niece IS having another shower this summer. She also doesn't take very good care of her things and half the stuff she gave me I had to get rid of (with her permission) because it was stained pretty badly.

DH has been asking me if I'm ready to give up some of DS's stuff yet and I've expressed to him over and over that if we were to give her some of DS's things that I would definitely want them back after she was done with them, but if they ended up getting ruined we would have to buy all new things.

My question is, am I being selfish by wanting to hold onto DS's clothing for baby #2? Surely she will end up getting a lot of clothing at her shower (the guest list is pretty big) and I was planning on buying her some as well.

dancingsunflowers06

Hi there - it sounds like you're in a sticky situation...sorry girlie. Have you considered just talking to your niece about the situation? She may be completely open to you hanging onto a few things. If she isn't, then at least you'll know and you can move on. There's great sites online that offer gently used baby clothing that I have found super helpful! Blessings to you momma on making the best decision!

mommato2lilmonkeys

jenjenbrassard

I'm definitely planning on saying something. Just not a very confrontational person, lol. A friend of mine even suggested going through his things and picking out the things that I don't particularly care to use again or things we definitely won't be able to use again as we are not planning on having another winter baby (not good for the ppd, hard lesson I had to learn) and some of his things may be too warm for the next baby. Thanks for your advice!

tigerfish227

jenjenbrassard said:

I'm definitely planning on saying something. Just not a very confrontational person, lol. A friend of mine even suggested going through his things and picking out the things that I don't particularly care to use again or things we definitely won't be able to use again as we are not planning on having another winter baby (not good for the ppd, hard lesson I had to learn) and some of his things may be too warm for the next baby. Thanks for your advice!

Do you know which items were originally hers or at least have an idea? If it were me, I would be willing to give back the items that she gave originally but keep anything that was gifted to me or that I purchased. Knowing that she isn't as careful about keeping things in good condition would make me reluctant as well and I wouldn't be willing to give her everything while planning to have more children. I would also talk to her when giving back the original items and let her know that you are reserving YOUR items because you know you want more children and want to ensure that you don't have a large expense in replacing so many items if/when you have another boy while you already know that she will be getting many new items at her upcoming shower.

jenjenbrassard

I got hand me downs from a few different people so hopefully I can remember which were hers. That's also a good idea! Thanks guys!

rrr222

Oooo tough

If she can't handle the truth (which is very rational and reasonable - its your stuff and you have a use for it) maybe give her some not so pleasant hand me downs and she won't ask again...