I don't dislike my fMIL. She is a super sweet lady. BUT she is kind of a doddering old fool. SO had to teach her how to forward an email a few months ago, and she literally does not know how to text. And he wants her to babysit instead of me taking LO to work with me (I work in a KinderCare and have a 50% discount)-- I told him I'd think about a few days a week. But she is in her 60s and I have serious worries about her watching my kid. She got her knee replaced a few weeks ago. We're not very close, I am really awkward around her because she is the proper grandmotherly type, and I am a bit rambunctious. She always hugs me when I see her, she's so sweet... am I awful? SO is always like, what, you don't want to come over and hang out with my mom while I clean her gutters, etc.? No, no thank you!
I would have serious reservations about her watching a child.
@redfallon I know... sigh. He is dead set on it... My own grandmother dropped me out of my carrier and I hit my head on the driveway so I am extra paranoid. Hopefully I can convince him that it is just because I don't want to be away from the baby. I know it's going to hurt his feelings. My mom can't babysit during the week b/c she's a full time accountant. I like the idea of being able to check on him/ nurse during the day as well. That's why I got this job!
I absolutely adore my MIL. She has such a sweet soul. She accompanied me to my appt today and it was the best. She's also always on my side when it comes to the hubby and I. She puts him in check quite often, muahaha!
Sounds like my MIL! My mom is a very humble woman and a very caring mom but she lacks the affection part. My mother in law is just plain out cool af. The only issues I have is that my son is very very active and she alway getting on him n makes comments on how he's the only one that's always in trouble(my son is two)
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!! My MIL was the best! And my hubby's whole family is amazing!! I'm also close with my mom!
I'm so sorry to those who aren't! I can't imagine how hard it is especially with raging hormones!
Same here! We're blessed to have two awesome families on both sides that we're very close to. The only problem it presents is that holidays get hairy without a kid as we want to see both families every holiday; with a kid, it's going to be nuts!
Not so much my So's mother but his dad. Ugh. he wants the child raised Catholic, I've never been religious. when the baby is born he wants it to live at their house too (since i live with my dad and my SO lives with his parents) so that would mean having to move a newborn back and forth all the time and it's not happening. Since i said no it will be living with me at all times, but of course we'll visit! He says we need to move into a council house (which we don't need because since my brother and mum moved out of my dads house there is plenty of room, its a nice area and dad doesn't want me to leave to live in a poor flat!) It's just that I'll decide if i want to raise my child religious, where it will sleep and where it will live because I'm it's mother.
I am very thankful to have my MIL in my life. My mother passed away in a car accident 7 years ago. I was only 25. MIL has always treated me like one of her own kids. Back in February we almost lost her. It brought back the same feelings of when I lost my mother. She has helped us in many ways, from helping fix up our house to babysitting. Every other week the boys and I go pick her up and I take her grocery shopping. She was in the delivery room for my first 2 boys and she would have been there for the 3rd but he was born with in 20 minutes of getting to the hospital. She was excited when we told her the news and said she knew we weren't done having kids. When she talks to people she always brags about her 7 grandsons and grandbaby #8 on the way. She doesn't spoil the kids with gifts too often (she feels that if she buys something for one then she has to get something for all 7 of them.) but her cookie jar is always full when we visit and close to empty when we leave. My boys love spending time with her. I love how every little thing they tell her, she makes it seem like it is the most interesting and most important thing in the world. She is awesome.
Here is my vent...my MIL and I don't have a great relationship. She keeps claiming she really wants one (only had sons) and is beyond desperate for the mother-daughter relationship. When we first moved into our place she visited had a massive meltdown and basically screamed and yelled at me and my husband for doing everything wrong under the sun. One being that I never tried to have a relationship with her. Hmmm I wonder why. I know she talks behind everyones back, even the people she likes and even her own mother so I will never trust her.
ANYWAYS.
This past weekend was BIL's wedding. She desperately wants to get along with all BIL's new wife's girlfriends and plays the ditzy airhead girly girl role around them. So the whole time at the wedding when she was introducing me to these "new friends" of hers she kept reaching over and rubbing my belly. This woman would normally be so concerned about walking on eggshells around me that she would never even ask me how the pregnancy is going, would just wait for me to offer the info, so you can imagine how awkward this all felt that I was constantly having my belly touched while meeting new people. FUN. And as a probably obvious side note....I don't like having my belly rubbed. I'm not a puppy. (Not judging at all if you do...I just really don't like it).
I love my MIL but.... She was wonderful before we found out we were having little one (with the exception of calling our hotel room on our wedding night...!) But now, there are things that she does and says that really bother me. We are traveling to see them this weekend and I'm dreading it. She is so negative and sees the dark in anything. She'll ask me a question, only to cut me off and then tell some doom story around the question she asked. This all started when we found out we're expecting. I try to brush it off and we ignore most of it, but it's really starting to grate.
Examples: We shouldn't drive on the freeway because its dangerous for baby I drink too much milk and that will be bad for the baby (She was a nurse before DH was born and still thinks she knows everything) She had a miscarriage in her second trimester and I need to be careful because it could happen to me (she says this every single time we see them!). We cannot take the baby out of town to see my family three weeks after baby is born because its not safe to travel, but we can travel with the baby to see them and its OK (same distance to both families) Oh, and while we are there with her we should have her 17 year old neighbor (who knows nothing about kids) watch baby while we go out (Not happening!) DH told her that I have a cute bump and she said, "Already? Are you sure she's not just getting fat?" She will call DH if I do not immediately text her back They have made plans three times in the last year to come and see us but always back at the last minutes but expect us to make an appearance every month or two
I'm hoping that she had a change of heart and that the weekend will be wonderful, but I'm thinking not so I'll probably post an update early next week.
I thought my mil was going to be great when my husband and I were dating 10 years ago... And I knew the public side of her. Then... Hello Reality!! We used to go visit and wait for her to come out of her room all day... And around 5pm she would appear and expect us to stay up all night with her talking (though now I realize she just wanted him to stay up and me to go to bed so she could have her precious son back from me- the evil girl who took him away...??) now we don't really visit- she has a dog that isn't house trained and the last time we spent Christmas there we ended up making the whole meal she had planned because she got up too late to clean her own house and cook before everyone came over. On Christmas?! She is a mess- I understand that she is most likely depressed and I shouldn't be mad at her for it.... But she expects me to leave my children with her when she is clearly not ok (I have a 3.5 and 1 yo) she is completely unreliable and her main way of communication is guilt mongering. Example: we are terrible for moving away, I am terrible for not wanting to leave my kids (with someone they barely know!), everything we do for holidays is disrespected, and to top it off- we have actually tried to talk with her about respecting our parental decisions and stopping the guilt trips over rediculous stuff and her response? "We make fun of you on the way home everytime me we see you because we can tell you're miserable" so much for ever having a healthy relationship. My parents never respected my dad's mom (who was an alcoholic) and I always knew it as a kid- I never wanted for my children to have that image of their grand parents- I wanted them to know good things about them (her) but now I don't know how to move forward -to be around her means having to deal with dysfunction- and that means my kids will inevitably know we don't really respect her.
My husband is her clear favorite out of her three boys. And the whole family knows it. I get told how lucky I am to have him.....
And she is obsessed that we are having a boy. Only 16 weeks so we won't find out till our 20 full scan. But she texts and calls and asks how her GRANDSON is. And are we finding out what HE will be. And yes - she uses caps when mentioning it. Even after asking her to stop calling bubs HIM, HE, her GRANDSON she still does it. So when she says it I always say 'or granddaughter, he or she, him or her'. And she actually said 'don't be stupid, your carrying my grandson'.
So my husband has taken to calling it his little girl lol. I don't care either way, I am just hoping for a healthy baby.
I secretly love hearing I'm not the only one in the crazy mom boat.
My mom stopped emotionally maturing when she had my brother at 16, so dealing with her is a mess. Her latest fit was that I want my husband to stay home this time after I have #2 and that my dad is coming to keep my daughter as his job is more flexible. How selfish of me to want family time and consider her keeping her job.
My husband's bio mom is so sensitive that she cried over everything... Happy, sad, angry, stressed, bored= tears. Aside from pregnancy, I do NOT cry, so it makes me severely uncomfortable. I try to be sensitive to her but she essentially abandoned my husband from 11-18, so I kind of hate her.
My husband's stepmother is wonderful and means so well, but is so scatterbrained that you can't rely on her for anything. She wants to be involved, but has two young kids and terrible health, so adding anything to her plate may legitimately kill her.
Generally speaking I've had no issues with my MIL so far. She's a very giving, kind person who has made many sacrifices for her kids. At least her younger kids...and my DH is the oldest. When he was a kid and wanted to do activities, she would guilt him about how they couldn't afford it, why did he want to do something that would make her have to pack up 3 kids to go to events, etc. Apparently his parents then spent that money they denied him on pot. Oh, yeah, and he never really got any birthday parties where he could invite friends or anything, just cake with his immediate family.
We were a bit worried to tell her we were pregnant, as she has been notoriously less than excited about her other grandkids. When my SIL announced she was having her 2nd, MIL actually smacked the back of her head with the mail. I was told I should tell her by text message to be safe. I did tell her in person, and though I didn't get hit she didn't jump up and down with excitement either. She did congratulate us, but I think she did also feel a bit sorry for us since we just had a loss in November.
I'm more worried about after LO comes. Both my MIL and FIL do a lot to undermine and judge the parenting of their other 2 kids. My BIL is a single father, and has done a great job raising his kid. Yet the in laws are constantly telling his daughter it's ok to do what dad said not to do, just as soon as he walks out the door. They do the same thing with my SIL's two kids. Even though my MIL is the daycare provider for her other 3 grandkids, I don't know if I want her to watch mine, for that reason and bc my FIL is very racist and doesn't watch his mouth around the kids. I don't need those kinds of influences on my child, who needs to respect mom and dad and not grow up to be a racist.
My DH had an oops baby with a girl he'd been seeing for a few weeks. They split and then he found out she was pregnant and keeping the baby. I came into my DH life when his son was 1. We have a great coparenting relationship with his other parents and all is well there...but...she's obsessed with him.
My MIL and FIL act as though he is their son. Constantly complaining they don't get enough time with him etc. (they have sleepovers every other weekend with him)They rarely ask to see my DS and only visit when they have been complaining a lot about not enough time with my stepson. We were pregnant last year (had a miscarriage) but when we told them we were pregnant my MIL said "really?" Are you sure you'll have enough space for another kid?" We had just bought and moved into a 5 bdrm 4000sq ft house. Then she proceeded to ask if this meant we wouldn't be able to get my SS full time because of this other child being born. So no congratulations or joy. Just worry about her favorite grandchild.
She lies, manipulates and brings resentment into our home. She feeds my SS garbage about how annoying it must be to have a younger sibling and that he's such a good patient boy to put up with my DS. Ugh (she'll say these things in front of me). And then he's super ugly and aggressive with my DS who is 2.
I'm about to be 14 wks and we haven't told my DH side of the family yet. Not ready for the negativity. I've enjoyed this pregnancy so much more without their awful comments looming about.
Anyone dealing with crazy MIL look up narcissistic personality disorder, once I found that info, it's saved me so much strife trying to understand this lunatic in my life.
Re: MILs
Jamie
I'm so sorry to those who aren't! I can't imagine how hard it is especially with raging hormones!
he wants the child raised Catholic, I've never been religious.
when the baby is born he wants it to live at their house too (since i live with my dad and my SO lives with his parents) so that would mean having to move a newborn back and forth all the time and it's not happening.
Since i said no it will be living with me at all times, but of course we'll visit! He says we need to move into a council house (which we don't need because since my brother and mum moved out of my dads house there is plenty of room, its a nice area and dad doesn't want me to leave to live in a poor flat!)
It's just that I'll decide if i want to raise my child religious, where it will sleep and where it will live because I'm it's mother.
ANYWAYS.
This past weekend was BIL's wedding. She desperately wants to get along with all BIL's new wife's girlfriends and plays the ditzy airhead girly girl role around them. So the whole time at the wedding when she was introducing me to these "new friends" of hers she kept reaching over and rubbing my belly. This woman would normally be so concerned about walking on eggshells around me that she would never even ask me how the pregnancy is going, would just wait for me to offer the info, so you can imagine how awkward this all felt that I was constantly having my belly touched while meeting new people. FUN. And as a probably obvious side note....I don't like having my belly rubbed. I'm not a puppy. (Not judging at all if you do...I just really don't like it).
Examples:
We shouldn't drive on the freeway because its dangerous for baby
I drink too much milk and that will be bad for the baby (She was a nurse before DH was born and still thinks she knows everything)
She had a miscarriage in her second trimester and I need to be careful because it could happen to me (she says this every single time we see them!).
We cannot take the baby out of town to see my family three weeks after baby is born because its not safe to travel, but we can travel with the baby to see them and its OK (same distance to both families)
Oh, and while we are there with her we should have her 17 year old neighbor (who knows nothing about kids) watch baby while we go out (Not happening!)
DH told her that I have a cute bump and she said, "Already? Are you sure she's not just getting fat?"
She will call DH if I do not immediately text her back
They have made plans three times in the last year to come and see us but always back at the last minutes but expect us to make an appearance every month or two
I'm hoping that she had a change of heart and that the weekend will be wonderful, but I'm thinking not so I'll probably post an update early next week.
My husband is her clear favorite out of her three boys. And the whole family knows it. I get told how lucky I am to have him.....
And she is obsessed that we are having a boy. Only 16 weeks so we won't find out till our 20 full scan. But she texts and calls and asks how her GRANDSON is. And are we finding out what HE will be. And yes - she uses caps when mentioning it. Even after asking her to stop calling bubs HIM, HE, her GRANDSON she still does it. So when she says it I always say 'or granddaughter, he or she, him or her'. And she actually said 'don't be stupid, your carrying my grandson'.
So my husband has taken to calling it his little girl lol. I don't care either way, I am just hoping for a healthy baby.
Rant over.....for now.
My mom stopped emotionally maturing when she had my brother at 16, so dealing with her is a mess. Her latest fit was that I want my husband to stay home this time after I have #2 and that my dad is coming to keep my daughter as his job is more flexible. How selfish of me to want family time and consider her keeping her job.
My husband's bio mom is so sensitive that she cried over everything... Happy, sad, angry, stressed, bored= tears. Aside from pregnancy, I do NOT cry, so it makes me severely uncomfortable. I try to be sensitive to her but she essentially abandoned my husband from 11-18, so I kind of hate her.
My husband's stepmother is wonderful and means so well, but is so scatterbrained that you can't rely on her for anything. She wants to be involved, but has two young kids and terrible health, so adding anything to her plate may legitimately kill her.
We were a bit worried to tell her we were pregnant, as she has been notoriously less than excited about her other grandkids. When my SIL announced she was having her 2nd, MIL actually smacked the back of her head with the mail. I was told I should tell her by text message to be safe. I did tell her in person, and though I didn't get hit she didn't jump up and down with excitement either. She did congratulate us, but I think she did also feel a bit sorry for us since we just had a loss in November.
I'm more worried about after LO comes. Both my MIL and FIL do a lot to undermine and judge the parenting of their other 2 kids. My BIL is a single father, and has done a great job raising his kid. Yet the in laws are constantly telling his daughter it's ok to do what dad said not to do, just as soon as he walks out the door. They do the same thing with my SIL's two kids. Even though my MIL is the daycare provider for her other 3 grandkids, I don't know if I want her to watch mine, for that reason and bc my FIL is very racist and doesn't watch his mouth around the kids. I don't need those kinds of influences on my child, who needs to respect mom and dad and not grow up to be a racist.
My DH had an oops baby with a girl he'd been seeing for a few weeks. They split and then he found out she was pregnant and keeping the baby. I came into my DH life when his son was 1. We have a great coparenting relationship with his other parents and all is well there...but...she's obsessed with him.
My MIL and FIL act as though he is their son. Constantly complaining they don't get enough time with him etc. (they have sleepovers every other weekend with him)They rarely ask to see my DS and only visit when they have been complaining a lot about not enough time with my stepson. We were pregnant last year (had a miscarriage) but when we told them we were pregnant my MIL said "really?" Are you sure you'll have enough space for another kid?" We had just bought and moved into a 5 bdrm 4000sq ft house. Then she proceeded to ask if this meant we wouldn't be able to get my SS full time because of this other child being born. So no congratulations or joy. Just worry about her favorite grandchild.
She lies, manipulates and brings resentment into our home. She feeds my SS garbage about how annoying it must be to have a younger sibling and that he's such a good patient boy to put up with my DS. Ugh
I'm about to be 14 wks and we haven't told my DH side of the family yet. Not ready for the negativity. I've enjoyed this pregnancy so much more without their awful comments looming about.
Anyone dealing with crazy MIL look up narcissistic personality disorder, once I found that info, it's saved me so much strife trying to understand this lunatic in my life.
Good luck