October 2014 Moms

My babies dad/husband is horrible!!

I really really need advice on how to get out of this situation. I do not love my husband at all. The more time that goes by the more I despise him and honestly myself for marrying him! I was young I was stupid, and honestly I didn't realize how bad of a father he was going to be. We have a 26 month old girl and a 7 month old girl. Our older daughter we had on purpose (I know I know). Our younger daughter is a dearly loved accident. Honestly I wasn't wanting to have her but my husband told me he would tell everyone about it if I got an abortion and make sure everyone knew I "murdered" our baby. I know thats probably some kind of trigger and I am sorry. Im not really for abortion at all but this is a bad situation. My Husband does not work. Hes too lazy to work. I am disabled and because of that I can only work at home. My job varies and because of that I can make $1600 to $2000 a month in summer months and only $600 to $900 a month in the winter. I have $1000 plus worth of bills just to keep a roof over our heads and basic things. Im trying to get a second work at home job (not sure if I have landed it yet) and its flexible with my current job but not stable and im not sure what I would make. So anyways, my husbands job is pretty much being the babysitter. He doesn't play with them AT ALL. EVER. He just doesnt and that makes me sad. Like im talking he really does not ever play with them no exaggeration. He doesnt hold them either. Babies "arent his thing". So he does watch them usually. I take calls so I cant stop what I am doing if there is a problem. Today I got off work and my kids were fine luckily but my husband wasnt there. Our front door was open and there were chemicals and sharp tools on the porch. My daughter was behind gates but shes gotten out before. She could have played with chemicals even ate them she could have gotten down to the parking lot and gotten ran over!!! I cried. I talked to my husband about it and although he said he wouldnt do it again he said "yeah yeah quit harassing me I get it". He doesnt seem to think its a big deal! I cant afford a babysitter. I cant get des childcare because my husband doesnt have a job. If I divorced him he would leave before I got the childcare and I wouldnt know what to do. Today honestly it was worse than having nobody there! His suggestion is to lock Our older daughter in her room so that "nothing can happen to her" while he does whatever he wants. I am so infuriated about today. I told him leaving the door open none the less with chemicals out there apparently for half an hour is worse than no babysitter! Even with the second job I dont think I could pay a sitter all year. Its unlikely. I told my crap husband today that if he does that again hes 100% worthless as a babysitter and he can pack his crap and get out and that I would be fighting for full custody with supervised visitation for him. He replied I wont get it without proof anyways but that he wont do it again. Im honestly in shock and disbelief about today. He could have let our girl get killed from negligence! Im so pissed. I cant say that enough. Resources? Help? WWYD?

Re: My babies dad/husband is horrible!!

  • I don't really like my husband either although for different reasons than you. I don't think it's a bad thing you intentionally had your first baby nor do I think it's a red flag of any sort that he didn't want you to get an abortion for your second baby. You just made a mistake and married the wrong person. The. Kids have nothing to do with it,

    Is there somewhere else you can go stay for awhile? Then maybe he will take you seriously and pull himself together....is this why you are upset with him or do you genuinely not love him at all?
  • I genuinely do not love him for many reasons :/ he is a selfish lazy douche. I wish there was somewhere else I can stay but unfortunately there isn't anywhere.
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  • I really don't like my husband either so I feel you. Honestly I do. Can you just tell him you don't love him and you want him to leave? He isn't helping anyways right?
  • He knows I don't love him. He seems to think he loves me but believe me when I tell you he does not know what love is if he thinks he loves me. See the reason why I don't think I can tell him to leave is that I don't have anyone else to watch my kids while I work and I can't afford a babysitter. I mean I don't think its really acceptable to be in another room ignoring the kids while I work. Even if I had a baby monitor its not like I can just stop what I am doing whenever they need something. Thats mainly what I am worried about. That and if I divorce him he would have nowhere to go because he is lazy and then I would feel bad. I feel bad doing that to someone even if I do not like them.
  • Your kids and their safety come first. Your husband is a big boy, even if he doesn't act like it, and he would figure something out if you were to divorce him. Or he wouldn't. Either way, you're not his mother. Also, with him being unemployed you would be pretty likely to get custody.
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  • Him being homeless is not the only thing I would be worried about though. I am just not sure who would watch my kids if I divorce him :/. I mean I am technically home but even with me there I don't really think I can only actually check on them during breaks until they're like 7 maybe older. Man I just can't stress enough what an a** this guy is. Today I had way more fun working not dealing with him than being off of work! I have told him how done with him I am and even that I dont want him to touch me with a 10 foot pole but only after hes mean! Hes like high school all over again. Dealing with him gives me panic attacks.
  • SS224SS224 member
    I have told my husband a few times now to just take his stuff and get out because I will figure something out in any way I have to. He keeps working on his truck in the parking lot of our apartment complex and the manager asked him not to and said he would be fined $250 if he continues. He doesn't care because he doesn't have a job anyways so apparently its my responsibility. I have asked him to take it somewhere else and he tells me no. He also says I can't tell him to get out because he is on the lease and he can sue me if I don't let him live here for free since he is on the lease. He says that when I divorce him that itll take 6 months before they ask him to leave and he basically says that if he doesn't have anywhere else to go he will try to take our house. I don't have anywhere else for me in the kids and he is essentially trapping me in the relationship. Plus he keeps buying parts for his truck with my money and there isn't anything wrong with his truck! hes crazy! First he put a new engine in it (he took it somewhere else to do) and it did need a new engine. Since then though first he said it had an oil leak, then he said it had a timing issue and redid that, and then he said it had a gas leak and now hes saying it has a vacuum leak all while it has been running fine. I have no idea what is going to be "wrong" with it next! 
  • SanRemoSanRemo member
    I think you need to tell him to leave. He is nothing more then a delinquent baby sitter. Do you belong to a church that you can reach out to for assistance right now? Any family nearby? It sounds like you feel as though you are trapped and you really aren't you just have to find the right resources.
    Does your state offer any assistance? Maybe a loan through your employer against your 401k just to get someone in to help out. There is a light at the end of this But, you have to fight for it any which way you can.
    Ruena
  • Yeah, your husband is a piece of sh*t.
    RuenaANBsmom
  • ANBsmomANBsmom member
    Dude.  Call your local family services non-profit.  Get help, get your kid away from him.  Get a restraining order.  Get away from him.

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    Ruena
  • The lack of babysitter is a stupid reason to stay with your husband if you truly don't like him and he's basically worthless. You have two choices: make the effort to work out your marriage or kick him out, apply for aid to help with the girls, and move on with your life. Complaining might feel relieving in the short run but won't fix your problem. Only you can do that and your actions say a lot.

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    Ruenakzangs15
  • Even terrible, dead, hopeless marraiges can turn themselves around. Trust me. Before you leave or divorce him I would do Christian counseling for SURE. Make sure you can say you did everything to save your marraige. He does sound like a piece of work but that's not saying with the right tools and reality check, he can't change.
  • Even terrible, dead, hopeless marraiges can turn themselves around. Trust me. Before you leave or divorce him I would do Christian counseling for SURE. Make sure you can say you did everything to save your marraige. He does sound like a piece of work but that's not saying with the right tools and reality check, he can't change.
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    andrieya
  • Ask for help and leave him
    Thank you God i love my husband and his the Best father ever
  • It' S very sad situation and your kids are not safe with him
  • nallya said:
    Ask for help and leave him Thank you God i love my husband and his the Best father ever

    Well this isn't helpful AT ALL.
  • I know this is an old post but GOOD LORD. How old are you OP? And the person who also "hates" her husband? Real mature.
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