should I be feeling a connection to my baby?

SDuodu

I feel guilty for not feeling a connection to my baby I'm happy that I'm having one and in the beginning it was exciting but now it's dulled down I just want to feel movement and know the sex of my child maybe it'll help. Does anyone feel this way?

csy2947

Me too. People keep asking me if I'm excited and I always want to be like, 'kind of?' I feel super guilty because I struggled with some infertility issues before but for me I think thats actually why. Like I don't want to get attached until I feel like I could deliver a viable baby (25 weeks ish). But also I think people don't realize how sucky pregnancy is, its hard to be really excited when you feel like crap 24/7.

Finding out the sex does help! Makes the whole thing more real, and I always find that in sonograms I get emotional and excited despite myself. I think you're normal, everyone progresses at different emotional speeds, don't rush yourself

allyx1029

I'm scared to get too attached or excited when I haven't even felt anything yet. It just doesn't feel that real when you're not showing and don't feel anything

anorthro

I don't feel too attached.  I know she's in there.  I know she's female.  I have even felt her move a little.  But I feel pretty emotionally detached.  I see people saying that they are so in love already, or that they're so excited.  I am a little excited, but it's more a curious excited.  I am not in love with this baby yet.  

I think it's normal, but I do feel weird when people ask me if I'm excited and I'm like, "um, yeah...a little."  I don't want to disappoint them with my lack of excitement!  

wildbutterfli2001

I was like this with my first. I was so fearful that I would be detached from my child. When I finally felt him move around it got a bit better,but when I heard him cry for the first time everything changed for me. The bond was immediate and I feel love like I've never known. I live for my family and it's a bond that can't be broken. Every woman handles pregnancy differently, let's be honest, it's hard! Don't beat yourself up. It will come!

jlculpeps

I'm not emotionally attached at all and I feel guilty for it. I'm the same with people asking... I definitely exaggerate my excitement a little.

MerVer

I don't feel that way yet either. Feeling movement did help a little but I am more scared of what it's going to be like to have a baby and how it's going to change everything. I'm excited in theory I guess because I know we will love our children, but don't actually feel it yet.

VioletandRose

I feel this way too. I have very few pregnancy symptoms, haven't felt the baby move and don't even look pregnant yet. I'm hoping that when I do, I'll feel more of an attachment. That, and being a FTM is overwhelming as is... the fear of the unknown, how is my life going to change, am I going to be a good mother, etc. People have been asking me if I'm excited too, and I always say yes, but I definitely need more time for everything to sink in.

mkross123

I hate the "Are you excited?" question. It pigeonholes such a huge range of emotions we are feeling without giving people a comfortable way to answer honestly without looking bad. I swear I need to write a list of all of these things that stress me out/annoy me so I don't do them to other pregnant people in the future.

I also feel like the baby is abstract, an idea. I know it is real, but it doesn't feel real and it's hard for me to connect to it as if it is.

lucky10liz

We have tried for so long to conceive, and now I just don't want to get too attached yet. I'm purposely distancing myself in case something happens. I'm a FTM and we don't know what we're having.. I know the feelings will come when I feel like this pregnancy is for real and really happening... probably not until I hold him/her. 

BBaires

I also don't feel very attached, so I've been trying to connect by spending some time every day intentionally talking to Bebe or writing in the journal I'm keeping for him/her. It's helping it feel more real.
But, there's no shame in not feeling much right now, it doesn't mean we're bad or cold or anything really. I think it's just a matter of processing it all and accepting where you're at.
This Bebe is most definitely wanted, and I'll love him/her in a way I can't fathom now, but it's a process and most of the time still feels unreal to me.
Thanks for starting the thread! It's great to discuss these things honestly and (hopefully) without judgement.

millereliz13

I having difficulty connecting with the baby as well. I agree with PP, are you excited is a difficult question. I've felt I'll up till a few weeks ago sick, I still have to lay down and nap most days. The GD has stolen a lot of my excitement. I'm still afraid something will go wrong, I feel guilty that I haven't felt excited lately. I do love this child, even if I am afraid that it won't like me.

brebouds

I was just talking to my mom about this today. It makes me nervous that I don't feel any attachment to my baby. It doesn't quite feel real yet, and I have been sick since day 1, making pregnancy feel miserable. I was feeling extremely guilty yesterday when I was invited on a vacation in January, and realized it's unlikely I will be able to go. I think its just a fear of how much life will change. Mom reassured me its all normal and I will love my child more than anything else. It helps so much to hear other moms feeling the same way! Thank you for starting this thread!

double2rouble

Honestly some women don't feel connected with their babies even after they are born.  With my daughter, I really didn't feel connected with her until I saw and felt her move in my belly.  Even then, those feelings were fleeting.  It wasn't until a few weeks after she was born that I really started to feel a connected to her.  I love her to death now.  Don't feel any guilt about not feeling connected.  You will eventually get there, just in your own time.  

koriemo

I don't feel connected or attached either! And I feel guilty for it. My best friend (TTC her first) is more excited than I am. It helps me to be around people who are excited... I try to feed off of their enthusiasm. This baby was unplanned but we are married (recently) and financially stable... We just wanted to wait at least a year before TTC. I also am in my first year of a job that I ADORE but will probably quit because I don't make enough to justify daycare (and we can afford for me to stay at home).

I just feel fat, sick, and tired. I have another ultrasound coming up, so I hope that helps.

aah1013

I can honestly say, now that I love my child more than life itself, I felt no real connection with her for months after she was born. I mean, I loved her, but I didn't feel that overwhelming love that people say they immediately felt when their child was born. I did suffer some baby blues and had serious bf-ing issues, so attachment was tough. I dont know when the intense love began, but it wasn't immediate. I just wanted to share in case it happens to other moms. It's ok to feel that way, i just don't think many people talk about it so new moms are ashamed of their feelings. Life settles down and you will love your child more than anything!

tate62610

I still don't really feel attached or connected. I don't know why.....I felt attached immediately with my daughter.

VallieS86

I'm excited but it still doesn't feel real to me? It's like when my husband proposed to me, I was surprised and said yes but I wasn't crying with happiness. I was just kind of shocked. I thought I would cry at the wedding but I was just really happy. Right now the baby thing feels... Surreal. Hubby asks how peanut is and I say .....fine? It's not like I feel it. The only thing that lets me know it's still there is doctor appointments. I'm sure things will click once it's closer to birth time. Or maybe at the next ultrasound because it will look more like a person. Who knows, but don't feel bad for your feelings. Everyone's different.

Gingerella8

This is very comforting to read! I kind of feel like Miranda on Sex and the City when she had to fake her excitement when everyone was thrilled for her she was having a boy.

zaclina

In an odd way, after reading these posts I realized that I am so excited to be Pregnant, but not really attached to the Baby. In fact, sometimes I catch myself going "is this really happening, did I somehow dream all of this?" It's just not that real. My pants not fitting is real, having a little belly by the end of the day is real, but becoming a mom and there being a person growing inside said little belly? not as real.

Kristyhana

I'm not attached yet at all. The ladies at work seem way more excited than I do and I have a hard time talking to them about it because I'm just kinda like "eh". Don't get me wrong I am so happy to be getting this miracle last baby but I guess I'm holding back from any real excitement in case something goes wrong . Maybe after 24-26 weeks (viability) I'll feel more excited. I hope so anyway. My SO is way more excited as this is his first and likely last and he isn't worried about anything.

applesandoranges

I didn't feel that bond that everyone talks about with my daughter. After she was born it was still hard for me. I think nursing helped. My bond with her came on slowly. I always loved her but just was missing that feeling that everyone talks about until about a couple months after she was born.

carrotop29

I am feeling the same way and reading all of these responses makes me feel so much better.  I'm a FTM and of course I'm happy and excited but it still doesn't feel real. After our 12 week US, it felt a little more real, but I still fit in my clothes, nothing has really changed. My mother-in-law keeps saying that once I feel baby move, it'll feel more real, guess I'll just have to wait and see. Reading this thread makes me feel not as alone.

fletcherj1

I'm just happy to know I'm not alone I do feel guilty but I know it will come in time.

jenn2132

When my first was born I was excited to be pregnant, had no idea what parenthood was going to be like so it was very exciting to finally experience having a child. However on the day he was born there I am huffing and puffing to push him out, tears running down my face from the pain and then ta-da! There he was! I saw him for a split second and he was whisked off to the warmer. My family was ooohing and ahhing and I'm there just trying to make sense of what just happened! I remember everyone asking me how I felt now that I was a mom and I didn't know how to respond...Um good I guess. Even after they handed him to me the bond wasn't immediate and I remember asking myself, "why am I not crying?" On the movies and tv shows the mom is always crying from joy and I'm not...what's wrong with me?? I honestly just felt shock and I felt like I needed to put on a happy face but inside I was feeling more overwhelmed than anything. Later that night after all the guests left it was just my son and I in the big hospital room. He keep whining in the bassinet and the only way I could get him to stop was to hold him in bed with me. It was then after hours of labor and being completely exhausted that it clicked out of nowhere. I remember him laying all bundled on my chest and I just took the biggest whiff of his little baby head and inhaled that beautiful smell only new babies have and at that movement the bond happened. I whispered to him it would always be the the two of us no matter what.

Anyhow now I'm pregnant with my second and I'm not super connected just yet either. Not sure if it's because I'm having a girl and I'm slightly terrified or if I'm still processing I'm pregnant again after all these years but I know it will happen sometimes it just takes time and also a whiff of a baby's head might just help too lol.

MamaOwl15

I'm not sure I can pinpoint when I started feeling "attached" to my son, though I can attest to the fact that I felt more bonded once I found out his sex and could start calling him his name. Even more so when he was born, though it took about 12 weeks for it to sink in that he was mine and I didn't have to give him back!

This time, I've had a harder time feeling attached, and I think it has some to do with losing my last baby to miscarriage. I feel like once I can start using baby's name, and maybe once I can hold him or her, I'll feel more bonded.

However, it's completely normal to not feel "attached" right away, and it certainly doesn't mean you'll love your child any less! It just takes more time to bond for some moms than fur others, and some people feel excitement more intensely than others.

tate62610

All of these responses have made me feel better. I think finding out the sex will help

tuinstrab

I was in the same boat with my first daughter. It took me a bit even after she was born. I think this is partly because my world was transformed much more than I thought. Being tired from lack of sleep and painful breastfeeding I think contributed to it. I literally dreaded breastfeeding because it hurt me so much. I think once I was able to get a decent sleep and got the hang of breastfeeding things improved. Now my daughter is my world!!

Krysta6

Now I feel like I need to go back to all my past pregnant friends because that was always my go to question... Are you excited? I knew nothing about pregnancy! I think when I'm in the midst of a crazy symptom (headache that lasts 3 days, nausea that won't go away) I am in no way excited! Sometimes the bad parts of pregnancy feel like its going to last forever. But I've been super lucky and my MS has gone away and headaches subsided some this week. I definitely think I am excited but I'm not sure I'm incredibly attached. I only recently started talking (in my head) to the baby. I think once I start to feel movement it will get different. I also think there is such a fine line between nervous and excited that most of the time I feel both at the same time!

Neenachick04

I have had 2 miscarriges and knowing that I am 4 month ands still I worry. I could feel it moving for a while and then nothing. It's Really putting me in an anxious mood all the time wondering if my.baby is OK. I almost feel scared to get attached yet just because of my past. I can't wait until I feel it all the time Cause then at least I'll have the reassurance

MotherOfDragons2015

I have been having the same feeling but was scared to say so. Im 15 weeks and think maybe I'm too nervous about baby to even get excited. My husband is super excited so I do hype up the excitement for him. We wanted this baby and tried for over a year. Now that I'm pregnant maybe I'm still in disbelief. Glad to hear I'm not alone.

tmaritza

I also fill that way but just by listening to the heart beat when i go for my ultrasound makes me really happy n watching my bundle of joy grow inside me when i go for my ultrasound last time i went for an ultrasound he or she was just jumping inside of me...n also i always rubb my belly n telling it goodnight n goodmorning
im 15 weeks n 2 days waiting for myself to be 7 months to find out the sex i prefer knoeing it when its close to my due date

J1D

I honestly hadn't thought about it until now, but no I don't really feel connected to my baby yet. It helps knowing I'm having a son. My husband actually found out that we were having a boy first and so he bought me a necklace with a little blue sapphire in it to tell me the baby's gender Right now the necklace is more real than the baby and I feel more connected to that but it helps because it's a tangible physical reminder of my son. Aside from feeling super crappy since about a week after conception and having a bit of a belly, I can't tell there's a baby in there. I can't see him. Can't feel him. Can't hear him. Can't touch him. So yeah, it's hard to feel a connection. I only feel real excitement at the doctors office when we get to have an ultrasound or hear the heart beat. During those moments I am super excited and feel a connection but the rest of the time what I really feel is nauseous, bloated, gassy, headachy and tired beyond belief. And I'm happy- but in a weird kind of factual way. I want this baby. I waited a long time for this baby. I tired hard to conceive this baby. I'm getting my dream come true. Therefore I must be happy... Right? But again it's hard to feel so really really happy/excited/connected when I'm trying not to pass out or puke on myself. I'm glad this thread was started! Makes me feel better to read about so many other ladies feeling the same way

schaefer16

Oh my god this post made me feel so much better. I actually had a woman tell me that I should give my baby up for adoption because I wasn't in the right state of mind. I've never wanted to be pregnant... I've always wanted to adopt. Now that I am pregnant I'm thankful for the opportunity and I'm excited about it... But my excitement level is very low. I feel like I'm emotionally distant from this whole thing because fear and shock are my main feelings right now. I'm barely even showing and other than sore boobs and back pain, I've had absolutely no symptoms, so I'm going hoping that when I start to show and I feel him move then I'll be more excited, but I'm thinking my full excitement won't be here until he is.