Creepy Step Father in law

babyblue0501

A little back story: My MIL passed away suddenly last year due to heart related complications. She had a long drug history, and her husband does too. When she passed, she and her husband were living with my SIL and her 2 kids. MIL's husband still lives with SIL and the kids, but rarely interacts with them and drinks and smokes weed (and whatever else) on the back patio, then goes to back to his room. He lives there out of convenience, and on a rare occasion, to watch SIL kids while she runs to the grocery store. He is extremely creepy, and wants to always hug and kiss me and tell me how beautiful I am. He does this to other family members too. He will corner you to talk, hang all over you, and just comes off like a real creeper. I don't feel comfortable around him, and my husband is able to deflect him 99% of the time, and tell him to back off. Before MIL died, she was often saying how she wanted to leave him, and how she wasn't in love with him or happy with him. She slept in a different room often, and refused any affection from him most of the time.

My dilemma is...

SIL kids call him "POP", and my BIL's oldest daughter does too (his youngest is a baby). This was something that was started when MIL was alive, and since SIL kids still live with him, her kid's call him that also. I have a problem with my child calling him anything but his first name. He most likely will not stick around, he is a fan of living on the go. He's been homeless, and lived in hotels etc. Let us not forget he's also a total creeper, and the thought of him kissing or snuggling my child has me sick to my stomach. I personally wouldn't ever leave my child in his care.

My Dad is a first time grandfather, and wants to be called Pop-Pop, or Pop for short. DH Dad is Pop-Pop to the other grandkids as well.

My husband is on the same page. And can't think of an alternative name to call him on the rare occasion we interact with him. We feel it will be touchy since other kids call him Pop, but we don't feel he deserves such an honorable title to our son.

Thoughts and advice on how to have this " what will my child call you... " conversation.
I feel half insensitive, and maybe its the pregnancy hormones and motherly instincts kicking in, but I just can't stomach this man assuming he's my child's other grandfather.

kby721

I would tell him your dad wants to be Pop Pop so you'll have to wait and see what your kids end up calling him. By the sounds of it he may be gone by the time they can start talking.

saric83

Honestly, I wouldn't even worry about it now since it won't matter or come up until your kiddo can talk. I would just always refer to him by name, and if your child picks it up from his cousins later on, you could always correct with "Pop (first name)" and then keep calling just first name.

But I don't think there's any need to have a conversation with him unless he brings it up.

leelee72

I think right now is too early to decide this. You have enough going on. Just always call him by his name in front of your kids and then they will most likely follow along if he is still around.

babyblue0501

Thank you ladies, you're all right. It is probably too soon to try and figure this one out. My due date is Friday, and I'm having anxiety about this man being around my baby at some point. SIL has already been given the heads up to not bring him to the hospital! He makes my skin crawl.

jennygirlmt

I agree that it could be a nonissue if he isn't around in the next year.

I would not have a conversation with him about it. It might make him try to be even more creepy on your child trying to "win" affection. If he's still around just keep calling him his first name.

I'd probably just completely avoid him, he is not someone I would want my kids anywhere near. Drugs and excessive alcohol aren't on the ok list.

Good luck with it!

cpage2211

saric83 said:

Honestly, I wouldn't even worry about it now since it won't matter or come up until your kiddo can talk. I would just always refer to him by name, and if your child picks it up from his cousins later on, you could always correct with "Pop (first name)" and then keep calling just first name.

But I don't think there's any need to have a conversation with him unless he brings it up.

What she said

Brieb33

He sounds like a serious creep. BUT, I agree just refer to his first name And by the time your kids can say anything he may likely be gone. My MIL is adamant about being called "mama can" which I hate Bc she is not my kid's mama. So I just refer to her as her first name and eventually when they can talk ill call her Grammy or something haha. That will rly get under her skin.

babyblue0501

@jennygirlmt Girl, Believe me I avoid him at all costs, even if it means not going to my SIL house for a visit. I rather she come to my house. I do NOT want my child around him, or his habits. The times I'm anticipating issues are holidays, and birthdays. He was just at my nephew's bowling birthday party, and was going around telling everyone how excited he is for my baby to be born.

I completely ignore him, and engage in new conversation. I'm the type who wears their feelings on their face, and I'm a bad liar. I do however worry about others feelings a lot since I am pretty bold. I shouldn't care to burst this persons bubble though. I just wonder what my MIL would say, and if he would still be in the picture had she been with us a little longer.

jennygirlmt

babyblue0501 said:

@jennygirlmt Girl, Believe me I avoid him at all costs, even if it means not going to my SIL house for a visit. I rather she come to my house. I do NOT want my child around him, or his habits. The times I'm anticipating issues are holidays, and birthdays. He was just at my nephew's bowling birthday party, and was going around telling everyone how excited he is for my baby to be born.

I completely ignore him, and engage in new conversation. I'm the type who wears their feelings on their face, and I'm a bad liar. I do however worry about others feelings a lot since I am pretty bold. I shouldn't care to burst this persons bubble though. I just wonder what my MIL would say, and if he would still be in the picture had she been with us a little longer.

I'm so sorry