hello (loss mentioned)

bntfroggie

I've rewritten this post about ten times. I'm finding it hard to say hello to a group where I know no one wants to be. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses and would like to tell the story of my own.

I got my BFP the Wednesday before Valentine's day and called that day, but they wouldn't see me until I was 8 weeks along and my husband was out of town that week so we had our first U/S at 9+1wks, baby was healthy, heartbeat strong, and momma was relieved and surprised that she actually could make a baby. This was our first and we were ecstatic.

I made my appointment where I would be a day shy of 12 wks, we opted not to do NT testing so it would just be listening to the heartbeat and a blood draw and I told my husband he didn't have to go with me.

So the day of my appointment came and I thought I was really rocking this pregnant thing I only had about a week of morning sickness and was already getting my energy back. I went in and the Dr couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, but told me it was really common then sent me for an ultrasound that would change my world. I got in there and as soon as she measured the baby I knew it wasn't big enough and I asked her point blank if it had a heartbeat. She said no and that she was sorry.

That day I drove to where my husband worked and called him on the phone to meet me in the parking lot. I hated making that phone call knowing the news I was about to give him would hurt him so. He has been nothing but supportive since we found out.

I choose to have a D&C done 4 days after we found out because I just couldn't carry our little one around just waiting. By the size the baby stopped growing at 9.5wks just days after our U/S.

Today it has been 4 wks since I found out and 3.5wks since the D&C, and tomorrow I would have been 16wks pregnant.

I can't thank you all enough for being here, even though I know it is a road nobody wanted to walk down.

What I wanted to say in that whole mess of rambling is Hello my name is Bethany and I want so much to have a rainbow.

westiemom22

Bethany, your story is beautifully written but I am so sorry you had to write it and be here. I'm praying for your rainbow!

rmalone128

Hello, Bethany. And I hope for rainbows for all of us.

So many of your sentiments are the very feelings I've had, and my heart feels comforted (but breaks) to have company.

Thank you so, so much for sharing.

shupertj09

I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope and pray we all get our rainbows.

thistle8677

Xoxo

lizerspitz

Good luck.  We're all rooting for you!

bntfroggie

@lizerspitz thank you, and I absolutely love the quilt you have in your profile picture. Did you make it?

emoreau04

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I just found out we no longer have a viable pregnancy and are working through our emotions! It's nice to see so much support and I hope everyone gets their happy ending.

kimey1

emoreau04 said:

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I just found out we no longer have a viable pregnancy and are working through our emotions! It's nice to see so much support and I hope everyone gets their happy ending.

So sorry for your loss. We just had a procedure and are working through it as well. Wish you the best with everything and recovery.

bntfroggie

emoreau04 said:

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I just found out we no longer have a viable pregnancy and are working through our emotions! It's nice to see so much support and I hope everyone gets their happy ending.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It isn't an easy road, but the ladies on this forum and the Miscarriage forum have kept me strong. As well as my loving husband and my friends and family.

lizerspitz

bntfroggie said:

@lizerspitz thank you, and I absolutely love the quilt you have in your profile picture. Did you make it?

I did, and it was amazingly easy.  If you can look at it as blocks and forget that the puzzle pieces continue on, it was just sewing straight lines.  I picked up the pattern at Jo Ann's this winter.  Its one of the only patterns I've been excited to do again, and was money well spent on a pattern.