Not TTC, But Not Afraid

Mythril

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. Well 3 years next month. And we were together for 3 years before that. And we've been friends for ten years. We met in high school, but it wasn't love until a year after we graduated. I have been baby crazy for awhile now, but we both agree that we're not in a position to have a baby. I have a lot of weight to lose, I'm trying to lose 100 lbs this year, because we made a deal that next year we would TTC. I'll be 27 then, and I'm getting anxious.

April 2nd was the start of my cycle, and the last day of my birth control. Unfortunately my gynecologist closed down practice and I didn't find a new one in time. I tried to call and schedule before I ran out but they were booked for a month and a half. So this month I had no BCP. I meant to get condoms,but I kept forgetting because it's not part of my routine. That's not really an excuse, but it's why it happened.

Anyway. My thought was we could just abstain until I remembered to get condoms. My husband had other ideas. He used that method, you know, that doesn't really work. I'm sure you know the one, and I don't want to say.

About 9 dpo I had a brown discharge. I thought it was AF starting, I was very annoyed that it was a week early. I had a horrible back ache, which is not one of my normal PMS symptoms. I didn't think much of it because I was off the BPC and thought it was just my hormones being wonky. But the next morning it was gone. Not a drop. And then later that day it was back. And then gone completely. It did that for four days, until yesterday when it seems to have stopped entirely. I felt hot to the touch yesterday too. I've been nauseated off and on, as well. And sleeping more. I took a test at 10 dpo but I know it was way too early. I had it in the house and just couldn't not take it, so I took it just to stop thinking about it.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My mom told me not to worry about it, that this happened to her all the time when she was younger. It's never happened to me though, so I can't help but worry. I have a sister who is 4 years older than me. When I told her she just said she might be pregnant too, even though she had no symptoms. And she made fun of me later that night. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but I don't think he wants to hear. He is treating me very kindly, but he doesn't worry about things. I'm a worrier. I think and plan and poke and prod.

I'm going to take a test on the day when my period was supposed to be due, the 30th. I have an app where I record when my periods start and stop, when my husband and I are intimate, and it keeps track of when I'm ovulating and how long my cycles are and everything. It says I'm due the 30th, so I will test then. I recorded the spotting, or whatever it was, as a period in the app just in case that's what it was and I'm just being paranoid.

If I do end up pregnant I will be very happy, and also a nervous wreck. If I'm not pregnant I will feel silly, and sad. But I will get over it.

I just wanted to talk about it. Thanks for listening!