Friends, I'm a mess. Long story as short as possible... Early delivery at 33 weeks due to preeclampsia, on mag sulfate for two and a half days, c-section with a massive hematoma and bleeding incision that required a readmission, and LO in the NICU for going on 35 days now because he got a little cold and won't bottle feed now...
Between feeling hopeless that he'll ever come home, hating pumping, and exhibiting symptoms of PTSD about my own hospitalization, I don't know where I'm at. I'm either heartbroken or numb, and constantly lonely (I don't even like sitting up here in my office by myself while my extraordinarily supportive husband is downstairs). I despair going to the NICU, but I feel horrible when I'm not there with Ben.
I'm taking Cymbalta and take lorazepam at night, and I have an appointment with a counselor who specializes in mothers in a few days... but how do I get through the moments? The every day? Nothing seems to have any meaning right now. This feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from.
Ben Louis, born March 20, 2015 @ 11:50PM. Delivered by c-section at 32 weeks and 6 days due to mother's pre-eclampsia. Doing brilliantly in NICU!
Handstamped, custom jewelry from Charmedseed... grown just for you!
Re: PPD, birth trauma, NICU... oh my!
Most of all I think I wish I knew HOW to talk about it. I hope the counselor will help, but I can't explain myself to my husband, sometimes even myself. I can know things logically, but emotionally seems to be a whole other story.
And I wish I had my interests and motivation back. I have so much I CAN do (I was in the midst of drafting a novel when I went to the hospital for preeclampsia, and I love playing video games and sewing), but I can't seem to bear to look at any of those things - especially the things I was doing during the pregnancy. I'm at least stellar with keeping up the laundry and dishes. =p
I know those are classic depression/anxiety things, and I feel like it's just compounded with the feeling of being in limbo.
Sorry, still kind of sad-sack here. I had a bit of good time earlier today... made a menu for the week for the first time in a month!
I see your calls for help & support, and I see that it's been a while now... wondering how you're holding up?