Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
thughes05
member
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My story kind of long.
thughes05
member
When I was 19 I got pregnant with my first little girl, everything was going smoothly until I got an infection, I'm not sure what caused it but shortly after starting the medicine I started bleeding, after many visits to the doctors and ER, they couldn't figure out where it was coming from, they cauterized my cervix and everything, 22 weeks into my pregnancy I woke up to pains I could not bare, went into the ER to have an ultrasound done only to find out my baby girl didn't have a heartbeat. So they started the pitocin and 24 hours later I gave birth to a stillborn. I was devastated, I wanted to hold her in my arms forever but I didn't want to get to attached that I became the crazy person. I blamed the doctors and myself. For 6 months I went into a deep depression, my friend had a baby girl a month later and I decided to hold her, I only could for a few minutes before I lost it and just bawled my eyes out, we had big dreams of the girls growing up together, and all that. Fast forwarding I finally woke up one day and said my baby girl would not want me like this. I stepped back and took a different look on life. I fought depression! Every year we celebrate her birthday and every year never gets any easier.
After 2 years of trying God finally felt I was ready and I was pregnant, and had a full term healthy baby boy, a year later we tried again and after 8 weeks we lost it, then a month later not trying, I found out we were expecting again and 37 weeks later, we gave birth to a baby girl, she was everything I felt that I lost before, she didn't fill the hole that forever will be in my heart but she filled something that I thought was forever lost. Then two years after her birth I gave birth to another healthy baby boy.
I guess why I'm sharing my story is because when I lost my baby girl at 22 weeks I was lost and never thought I would be able to pull myself together. I have never let go, but I know that she wouldn't have wanted me to love the way I was, and that it is possible to conceive again even if it isn't right away. And if you aren't lucky in TTC then there are so many options to adopt or have a surrogate mom. But just don't give up hope and keep your head up.
After 2 years of trying God finally felt I was ready and I was pregnant, and had a full term healthy baby boy, a year later we tried again and after 8 weeks we lost it, then a month later not trying, I found out we were expecting again and 37 weeks later, we gave birth to a baby girl, she was everything I felt that I lost before, she didn't fill the hole that forever will be in my heart but she filled something that I thought was forever lost. Then two years after her birth I gave birth to another healthy baby boy.
I guess why I'm sharing my story is because when I lost my baby girl at 22 weeks I was lost and never thought I would be able to pull myself together. I have never let go, but I know that she wouldn't have wanted me to love the way I was, and that it is possible to conceive again even if it isn't right away. And if you aren't lucky in TTC then there are so many options to adopt or have a surrogate mom. But just don't give up hope and keep your head up.
Re: My story kind of long.
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"