Toddlers: 24 Months+

dd upset by overhearing argument

last night my 3.5 year old dd and i were talking with her grandmother (my mom). everything was going fine, as usual, but my mom got upset about something i said  (the subject is not important), this took me by surprise and i had no idea i was bringing up something controversial. when the conversation started getting tense, my dh brought my dd to another room to watch cartoons. however, i know she heard my mother and i having and loud and emotional conversation with my mom. my mother and i are very close, but also both very emotional, we often have big disagreements, but always quickly make up-- however, this was the first time my dd was aware of it. when the conversation was over, i comforted my dd and told her that grandma and  had an argument, but sometimes adults do that and whats important is that we made up and love each other very much. my dd acted ok the rest of the night, until bedtime, she barely slept last night and said "her tummy hurts because of the yelling". this morning she seems ok though. but, im still worried she has anxiety over this. i feel very badly about it. any advice about what to do?  is there anything else i should tell her? today we're going on a special trip to the park so she can ride her bike-- i hope this helps change the focus of the last 12 hrs. 

FYI- my mom and i resolved to immediately postpone any argument so it does not happen within earshot of my dd. 

Also some background-- , while i was growing up my parents fought often and very emotionally in front of my and my brother (always about small stuff). they also had the same kind of discussions with their parents in front of us and vice versa. it was a little nuts, but everyone always made up, and it never really bothered me (otherwise our home was filled with lots of love and stability). however, i realize this is not a positive way to act and dont want to repeat this pattern. 

Re: dd upset by overhearing argument

  • 3JTMom3JTMom member
    edited April 2015
    I am glad that you and your mom came to an agreement. Wise decision. In my experience kids are resilient. Can you continue to talk to her and help her feel your love and compassion? A trip to the zoo sounds wonderful! It sounds like a good time to break the cycle of how you were raised and implement some of your own traditions, and ways of acting. Hugs mama! You are on the right track!  #notautomatic-
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