getting rid of maternity clothes...or not

mattandlora

I'm ready to say we have a boy and a girl, I was very sick for both pregnancies, I'm almost 36, we're done. I think maternity leave is the perfect time to purge my closet of maternity clothes and any baby stuff we won't use again. DH is all "but if we have a 3rd...." I cannot fathom any circumstances where I'd agree to a 3rd. This one broke me physically (hyperemesis gravidarum the whole pregnancy, plus chasing around a 1-year-old and working full time). Plus I have to balance the pregnancy and maternity leave with my job. In summary, I am my entire department. If I'm not there, my department doesn't function. My employer took a gamble starting the department a year ago and gave me 3 years to make it profitable. I can't spend a significant portion of that time out on maternity leave.

If circumstances were different, I might consider it. If I was younger and we could space them out more, and going out on maternity leave didn't cripple my department, and the pregnancies didn't make me so damn sick, and, and, and. But those aren't the cards we've been dealt.

So, how do I convince my husband that "no more" is not up for negotiation and we need to make sure there's no surprises in the future? Anyone else been through this?

Guennie

I was the opposite LOL. I held on to everything and I just couldn't let it go. My h said he was done but, well, look where we are now.

If you truly are done and you know it without a doubt I see no reason to keep anything, unless you want to save things for your kids. There are a lot of things I saved to give to my daughter someday.

You have every right to say no more, it's your body doing all the work. Your h will just have to understand that. Tell him straight up the kitchen is closed and ask him to respect your decision. You will have to be very clear because if he sees the door open even a crack he's going to hold on to the idea of someday.

NeonNoon

MH and I are not in this situation. We only disagree about timing, and not fully at that.

In your case, though:
"If circumstances were different, I might consider it." A few years down the line, your kids would be older, your work situation might be different, and you may still be able to get pregnant. I would focus on the deal-breakers with your H - the physical problems with pregnancy maybe? Whatever led you to say: "I cannot fathom any circumstances where I'd agree to a 3rd."

Designermomma

I wore my maternity clothes for almost a year after I had a baby and keep one pair of pants for Thanksgiving

We are on the fence with a 3rd. I have 2 boys and I want to try one more time for a girl. But I'm 36, about to be 37. I'd like to space them out a bit more but not sure how much time and energy I have left. My sister just had a boy so I let her borrow all my maternity clothes and baby stuff since we aren't sure. That was even hard at first but now that I did it, I feel good seeing her and her baby enjoying the things. My husbands main concern with having another is financial. He keeps making comments every time the baby is difficult that he doesn't think he could handle another. It hurts every time he says it. Then when the baby is sweet and cuddly he says he could have another. Arg!

Sounds like you both need to have a serious talk about your concerns and wishes.

mattandlora

Thanks everyone! I think the biggest problem here isn't necessarily about our family planning, but DH's packrat-ness. I can't talk him into getting rid of crap from high school soccer, let alone baby stuff! Especially if there's still the possibility of another one in his mind. When we started talking about kids, we said we'd space them so that 3 were possible, but only definitely have 3 if we had 2 of the same gender. If we had one of each, we'd reevaluate after the first 2. So here we are
I could probably compromise and say "if it doesn't happen by the time I'm 37 (or whatever age we pick) then it won't happen." I already told him I'm getting an IUD at my postpartum ob visit, no discussion.

As for saving maternity clothes for a year, yeah, I only cleared out the obviously winter clothes (sweaters, courderoy). The rest are still in my closet.

NeonNoon

Good luck with THAT. MH is so bad he collects cardboard boxes and AAA magazines, 'cause you never know! To his credit though, he's come a long way since we got married. We can park our cars in the garage, and I've gotten the guest closet and a few cabinets back.

mattandlora

NeonNoon said:

Good luck with THAT. MH is so bad he collects cardboard boxes and AAA magazines, 'cause you never know! To his credit though, he's come a long way since we got married. We can park our cars in the garage, and I've gotten the guest closet and a few cabinets back.

I found an empty ibuprofen bottle, expiration date 2005, in his camping stuff. I said I was throwing it out. He said "No, I'm saving that to remind me that I need to buy more." I asked him if his reminder worked. Pause. "Ok, throw it away."