2 kids vs 3? Debating on our third

mmcgarrity

For all the mamas out there with three kids, how did you know you wanted three? My husband and I feel SO lucky to have two healthy children (1 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl). I have literally gone over pros and cons for having a third as its a big decision, but still really have the itch for a third. My husband could be done with two. My husband's job keeps him away for about 4 months of the year so I'm not sure if having three kids under 5 will be too much to handle? Was it a huge jump from 2 kids to three especially if they were all under 5 yrs old? Any advice would be most appreciated!!

MWoodside

We are currently talking about ttc #3. If you are feeling unsure then wait! Is there a particular reason you want to do it now or never? I like bigger spacing so 3 under 5 would not be ideal for me at all. I feel like being on your own with 3 (or any #) of kids for 4 months a year would be easier with more spacing between the current baby and a future #3.

jnnfrrose6

We don't have 3 (yet) but we're both on the same page about having a third. #2 isn't one yet, so we're waiting until her birthday at the earliest to start trying. Part of this is because we'll have to do an addition on our home if we have a third. However, we're both on the same page about this. Honestly, for us it was me who had to get to a place ok with 3 kids. DH has always been on board, but he's also respected my feelings on it and if I wasn't ok with it, it wouldn't be happening. If your husband isn't on board, then you need to have a conversation about it and whatever the outcome, be ok with it. If #3 happens quickly it is likely I'll have 3 under 4 and I'm ok with that, but that's also something that depends on what works for yihr family. Not sure how I'd feel if DH was away like yours is (is it 4 months in a row, or cumulative).

mmcgarrity

Thanks for the responses ladies. The real dilemma for us is that my husband will be 41 in a few months and I'm 32. He doesn't want to be having kids into his mid 40's which I completely understand. We also had some issues conceiving #2 so we know time isn't on our side. My husband said he doesn't have the burning desire for a 3rd, but if I wanted one he would obviously be on board and totally happy about it, but he said he feels completely content with the family of 4 we have now. He could go either way and for a long time I thought I only wanted two children as well (especially because we were lucky having a boy and a girl). Maybe its the urgency of it all (needing to decide if we want to try again or not) that I'm feeling the need for a 3rd. If my husband was around more with his job and if my kids were a little older I think it would be a no brainer for me on having a third. I guess I'm just concerned on how do you feed a newborn, have a two year old running around (without hurting themselves) and a 5 year old (who luckily is very independent) and manage to keep them all happy, healthy and give them enough attention by myself (for those months that he's gone)?!

JAP09-02

Your story is very much similar to ours.  Husband (33) on the fence leaning towards only two and me (almost 34) wanting a third.  I had a really hard time coming to terms that we would probably only have two, but was starting to come around.  Then, surprise - our third is to be delivered on Tuesday!  My other two are 5 & 2 (almost three).  

I will say that this pregnancy has been my toughest by far, especially early on.  

My husband doesn't work away for months at a time, but he usually works a week on/week off, and with hours that we often don't see him the week he's on. Do you work outside the home? For us, me quitting my job was the best way to make everything feasible.  Also, will your oldest be in school full time this year?  Mine will start kindergarten, which I'm hoping will make things a little easier.  In addition, what time of the year is your DH gone? It seems to me that having him gone during the school year would be easier than having him gone during the summer when you're alone with all three.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

tiff16

I'm also feeling a desire for a third. I always wanted 2 so I have no idea where this feeling is coming from. I haven't brought it up with my husband. He has so much work stuff right now

Designermomma

I'm the same. I have 2 boys and really want to try one more time for a girl. #2 has been such a wonderful baby, he makes me want another. I just don't feel done yet. I wish we could have more space between them though. I'm almost 37 and my husband is a few years older so the pressure is on if I want another. DH is on the fence and is mainly concerned with extra expenses and energy of taking care of 3. I do worry about the balance of time and energy. I've asked all if my friends with multiple children and they all seem to have no problems and different things that work for them. Most if them are SAHM and I wonder if that is the only way to make it work and am I willing and ok with doing that.

MrsJG3

Something didn't feel complete after 2. I just knew I wasn't done having babies. Three wasn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be. Good luck to you

littleredx2

I had 3 boys under 4. The transition wasn't too hard on us but my DH isn't gone for long periods of time. There were a few weeks when the baby was only 2 months that he was gone for some training and I managed. It was stressful at times and is absolutely easier when he is home, but not unmanageable. We knew we wanted 3 all along though, it's what we agreed on before getting married. But DH's limit was 3. Well now, we have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and an almost 1 year old and are about to TTC #4 :-) 

Good luck with your decision!

kcmichel

If you feel you are mentally and emotionally up to it and Dad is on board, I say go for it.
For me personally, going from 1 child to 2 children was tougher than going from 2 to 3.
I have a 3 1/2 yr old, a 2 year old and a 10 month old. And #4 on the way : )
I also found the closer in age they are, the more likely they are to keep eachother entertained (and of course fight as well, no avoiding that)
If your husband is gone for long periods of time, that may be something to take into consideration. I found that no matter how confident I was or which # baby I was coming home with - I NEEDED my husband home for the 1st week just to get my head back in the game. Gives you a chance to gradually (but still quickly) adjust to the reality of having 1 more baby.
Its great that you are taking your time to think about it and being sure. We always knew we wanted 4 kids, if we could afford it, I'd have more!
Good luck to you and your family, whatever your decision is