Leaves, work schedules, related career anxieties!

HoosOnFirst

Hi guys I figured I'd start a general thread to talk about our leaves, work schedules and such.

Mostly because I didn't want to start a thread just for my one post

So I'm taking 12 weeks off of work, which my boss knows, but today I have a requested meeting with him where I'm going to ask to work from home one day per week for the first 3-6 months as we feel out my permanent schedule. With daycare limitations my hours will be more strict so I'm taking the position that if I work from home one day I can be more flexible in morning and evening on that day... Working from home is not a new precedent at my organization but it would be for my team... My boss is unmarried without kids and no one on my team has kids. Wish me luck!

KaLikeAWind

Good luck @hoodoll82 ! My time at work is drawing to a close, mostly because we are about to enter the 'slow' season for my work and since I only work part time - 2 of the 3 days I normally work, they will be closed. So, I'm caught between grateful cause the shifts are long and I'm constantly on my feet without breaks, but scared because the little amount of money I do make, we need. We have an expensive home repair coming up this week or next ($2000-$3000), and we owe the state over $800 on our taxes thanks to a snafu at DH's work.

Frogger5

Good luck @hoodoll82. Think of yourself as a trailblazer and how you are helping not only the women who come after you on your team, but your boss, too! Anyway, working from home is awesome, I wish I could do it once or twice a week. Saves gas and commute time and all that good stuff.

@mellymar - good luck to you, too! We just paid our tax bill - almost $1000, yikes. They say that's better than paying extra all year, but I know it hurts. Especially if it's unexpected!

karaelaine1991

Good luck, @hoodoll82 and @mellymar!

I'm just trying to make it through the next week - I have 5 assignments due between now and next Sunday, plus 3 programs to prep for my internship. But after that, my semester is done! I'm not concerned at all about next semester. It might be stupid of me not to be worried, since I'll be juggling school and a newborn, but I'll only be taking 9 credits instead of 15 and they'll all be online... So I actually kind of think it'll be easy in comparison to this one. This all may end up biting me in the butt in June though!

KaLikeAWind

I'm hoping we'll all still be around in September / October trading baby advice so we can see how it went with our various adventures in work / school related stresses

knwilliams01

I start my general surgery residency orientation June 22 and actual work June 29th. DH is going to stay home for the first 6-12 months as we are moving for my job anyways. The biggest thing I am worried about is that I have been on hospital bed rest for 3 weeks, and hopefully will be for 2-4 more weeks. I'm worried that the physical demands of residency are going to be the hardest part.

HoosOnFirst

@knwilliams01 omg that sounds so demanding! When is the baby due? That is awesome your DH can stay home, but I hope you get some time to care for yourself as well. I always feel so whiny when I see how all the medical professionals on this board handle this stuff - the many docs and nurses on here who have crazy schedules. You ladies rock.

karaelaine1991

knwilliams01 said:

I start my general surgery residency orientation June 22 and actual work June 29th. DH is going to stay home for the first 6-12 months as we are moving for my job anyways. The biggest thing I am worried about is that I have been on hospital bed rest for 3 weeks, and hopefully will be for 2-4 more weeks. I'm worried that the physical demands of residency are going to be the hardest part.

Good luck!!! I hope your recovery goes smoothly and that they'll keep in mind that you *just* had a baby when you start your residency - maybe they'll go easy on you? Everything I know about residency I learned from Grey's Anatomy, and on there it looked pretty demanding! But after everything you've been through lately, you'll be up to the challenge

Serenamarr

Good luck to all you ladies returning to work!

I was about to accept a fellowship for a Ph. D. program when we found out we were pregnant, and although I know I will love being a SAHM, I'm afraid I will regret never accomplishing anything academically/career-wise, which up until now has always been the driving force of my life. It's a shame that in a lot of ways I feel I had to choose between a family and my career goals, but I would still choose LO every time.

aj1327

Good luck to everyone who posted above! I'm a teacher and I'm not planning on working next year, but I'm really nervous about contracts coming out! I wish I had more time because I'd like to have him here in my areas before any final decisions are made!

Westypet

You ladies are darn impressive!

@Serenamarr I'm trying not to get disheartened by the amount of slowing down I've had to do and I have 9 weeks to go, then adjusting to having a newborn at home for months and months... and not being able to keep up with a career in that time.

My husband is definitely the breadwinner of the two of us, so we can afford for me to be a SAHM, but I also have a career in direct sales that solely depends on me. I don't report to anyone, which is nice, but also is a lot of work. I've spent a year and a half building an impressive little empire by myself, and now I have to put so much on hold for bed rest, pregnancy illnesses, and just being pregnant.

Hubby and I have talked about how wonderful next year will be with our child, his work successes, and how I'll be able to jump back into business and have a great 2016. I'll believe it when I see it.

I guess I'm mourning the loss of my career-self before it's even happened. Pity party!

frankengibbs

As some of you know, I'm a CP (nanny) and I finally got my schedule back to how I like it, 3 days a week, morning until afternoon with occasional overtime.
My plan was to work up as close to my EDD as I can and then take 6 weeks off to be home with LO. Because of how demanding my job can be and some not so awesome complications with my boss' personal life, the plan now is to take my 6 weeks and decide in the 4th week whether or not I would like to have more time before returning. If my scans come back with LO having CF, I will not return to work at all so that I am able to give her my full attention. If she is a normal, healthy baby as we believe she is, I will take 2 weeks back at work to decide whether or not I feel like I am able to take care of her children along with my newborn and to see if her children are able to follow my rules about how to interact with LO. DH has been looking around and if he ends up with a second job or job with more hours, he wants me to stay home which I'm starting to come around to the idea of because though it's nice to have the extra money, I don't need to work. If I'm being honest, most of my reluctance comes from the fear of my ILs saying I'm lazy for not working as my (unemployed) MIL did all the time when I stopped working because of my all-day violent morning sickness in the first and second tri.
It's been a source of a lot of stress, but I like our new plan and though it means I will have to be firm and put my foot down, it's what's for the best as far as my mental health and LO's well-being.

TL;DR - it's been difficult trying to decide what's best for my family and how to handle being a CP and a FTM to my own child at the same time.

janat1717

I am taking vacation time and some unpaid time starting 5/4 and then my boss actually encouraged me to use my 6 weeks paid leave before making a decision to come back. I also arranged it that I won't be in a leadership role if I do decide to return to work but leaning heavily towards staying at home should everything go as planned

Zeuskay01

mellymar said:

I'm hoping we'll all still be around in September / October trading baby advice so we can see how it went with our various adventures in work / school related stresses

Definitely agree with this!

As for me, I will be taking 6 weeks off from work and then I can use the vacation days that I've accumulated. I've mentioned before, DH and I are dual military and I recently found out he has to leave for training for a month pretty much as soon as I return to work from maternity leave. I still haven't quite figured out how I'm not going to lose my mind returning to work, putting the baby in day care, starting to get back in shape and doing all that without my husband....if I pull my hair out I'll be sure to change my picture on here lol But I do wish all you ladies the best of luck !

Westypet

frankengibbs said:

As some of you know, I'm a CP (nanny) and I finally got my schedule back to how I like it, 3 days a week, morning until afternoon with occasional overtime.
My plan was to work up as close to my EDD as I can and then take 6 weeks off to be home with LO. Because of how demanding my job can be and some not so awesome complications with my boss' personal life, the plan now is to take my 6 weeks and decide in the 4th week whether or not I would like to have more time before returning. If my scans come back with LO having CF, I will not return to work at all so that I am able to give her my full attention. If she is a normal, healthy baby as we believe she is, I will take 2 weeks back at work to decide whether or not I feel like I am able to take care of her children along with my newborn and to see if her children are able to follow my rules about how to interact with LO. DH has been looking around and if he ends up with a second job or job with more hours, he wants me to stay home which I'm starting to come around to the idea of because though it's nice to have the extra money, I don't need to work. If I'm being honest, most of my reluctance comes from the fear of my ILs saying I'm lazy for not working as my (unemployed) MIL did all the time when I stopped working because of my all-day violent morning sickness in the first and second tri.
It's been a source of a lot of stress, but I like our new plan and though it means I will have to be firm and put my foot down, it's what's for the best as far as my mental health and LO's well-being.

TL;DR - it's been difficult trying to decide what's best for my family and how to handle being a CP and a FTM to my own child at the same time.

As hard a pill as it is to swallow, and as much as we try to explain our trials to people in our lives, no one can understand what your day to day life is like and what your threshold/capacity for work is except you.

I learned this the hard way when I was diagnosed with HG early in pregnancy, so I feel like I can relate to people thinking that I'm just lazy. It sucks, and is not how family should behave at all. They just don't understand, and unless they see it all the time and live in a house with it, they will never know what life is like in your body.

We want our families and friends to understand what we're going through. I'm not sure how your relationship with MIL or ILs is going now that you're working again and feeling a little better, but I've found that being firm in deciding what is best for your family as a unit (you three, without the input of others), can be a major boost to self esteem. I am black and white now about the things I say I can do, and things I can't, and when people see that I'm not fooling around, it's a boost to my self-esteem. Especially when that esteem tanks when facing pregnancy illnesses and challenges that people think you should just tough out.

"Lazy" is probably the worst insult you can call someone with a go-getter personality or who is work or task-driven. Especially when life is forcing them to slow down. I understand being sensitive to that kind of pressure, of not being seen or called lazy, especially by people who are supposed to be our loved ones, but don't give in to it.

Good on you for making smart choices about what's best for you, your health, and your family. Good example to lots of us on this June board!

Serenamarr

FI is very encouraging and says that my shift in roles is only temporary, and that once we can afford it, I should go back to school. I go along with this, but I know in my heart it's just not going to happen. People who have been out of school for years raising a child don't typically get offered fellowships- especially in my field (Ancient Near Eastern Art/Archaeology) and if they do, part or all of it is spent abroad, mostly in the Middle East or Mediterranean. Not something I see happening with a husband and baby to consider.

Like other moms have expressed, I guess I'm just having trouble adjusting to this new life plan!

klkonwi

@frankengibbs are you and your husband both carriers of CF?

I am on leave right now from my l & d RN job due to horrible migraines and in general difficult pregnancy and difficulty keeping up switching btw day and night shifts. It was really rough deciding to go on leave... Was definitely pushed by my OB doc.
At my appt yesterday he said to me "this is life and this is the important part of life. Stop worrying about work. Worry about life first, then work."

This statement def doesn't pay my bills but we are just cutting back and making it work no matter what. We lived on one income before our wedding 2 yrs ago so I could pay for the wedding so we know we CAN do it... More bills now than then though! So good luck to you mamas with your leave/decisions.
I am taking 9-10 weeks after baby as well.

frankengibbs

Westypet said:

frankengibbs said:

As some of you know, I'm a CP (nanny) and I finally got my schedule back to how I like it, 3 days a week, morning until afternoon with occasional overtime.
My plan was to work up as close to my EDD as I can and then take 6 weeks off to be home with LO. Because of how demanding my job can be and some not so awesome complications with my boss' personal life, the plan now is to take my 6 weeks and decide in the 4th week whether or not I would like to have more time before returning. If my scans come back with LO having CF, I will not return to work at all so that I am able to give her my full attention. If she is a normal, healthy baby as we believe she is, I will take 2 weeks back at work to decide whether or not I feel like I am able to take care of her children along with my newborn and to see if her children are able to follow my rules about how to interact with LO. DH has been looking around and if he ends up with a second job or job with more hours, he wants me to stay home which I'm starting to come around to the idea of because though it's nice to have the extra money, I don't need to work. If I'm being honest, most of my reluctance comes from the fear of my ILs saying I'm lazy for not working as my (unemployed) MIL did all the time when I stopped working because of my all-day violent morning sickness in the first and second tri.
It's been a source of a lot of stress, but I like our new plan and though it means I will have to be firm and put my foot down, it's what's for the best as far as my mental health and LO's well-being.

TL;DR - it's been difficult trying to decide what's best for my family and how to handle being a CP and a FTM to my own child at the same time.

As hard a pill as it is to swallow, and as much as we try to explain our trials to people in our lives, no one can understand what your day to day life is like and what your threshold/capacity for work is except you.

I learned this the hard way when I was diagnosed with HG early in pregnancy, so I feel like I can relate to people thinking that I'm just lazy. It sucks, and is not how family should behave at all. They just don't understand, and unless they see it all the time and live in a house with it, they will never know what life is like in your body.

We want our families and friends to understand what we're going through. I'm not sure how your relationship with MIL or ILs is going now that you're working again and feeling a little better, but I've found that being firm in deciding what is best for your family as a unit (you three, without the input of others), can be a major boost to self esteem. I am black and white now about the things I say I can do, and things I can't, and when people see that I'm not fooling around, it's a boost to my self-esteem. Especially when that esteem tanks when facing pregnancy illnesses and challenges that people think you should just tough out.

"Lazy" is probably the worst insult you can call someone with a go-getter personality or who is work or task-driven. Especially when life is forcing them to slow down. I understand being sensitive to that kind of pressure, of not being seen or called lazy, especially by people who are supposed to be our loved ones, but don't give in to it.

Good on you for making smart choices about what's best for you, your health, and your family. Good example to lots of us on this June board!

Thank you so much!
I agree, it's difficult to make the point that you aren't lazy when all they want to see is that you're home and relying on their son to provide for you, regardless of what you health and physical limitations are.
My MIL, in my opinion, just isn't my biggest fan. We're very different people with different views and I guess I'm not what she expected her son to marry or have children with. However she feels, it definitely hurt when she would constantly bug DH about my laziness when we were paying her bills and she wasn't employed either. Some people just can't be satisfied, but I'm learning that it's not good for my LO or myself to overwork myself, especially when there's no need to. I know who I am and even if no one else sees it that way, if I were lazy, I wouldn't be where I am today.

frankengibbs

@klkonwi So far we know that I carry the non mutated gene for CF. DH still needs to go have lab work done and I have an U/S and consultation with a genetisist next Monday to see what they think. We don't think it will be a major concern but it's better to know what to expect than take the chance that she may have issues breathing when she's born.

dancegurl1118

I'm taking 16 weeks after baby, 10 of which are completely unpaid. We plan on buying a house in this time as well so finances will be very tight, but at the end of the day I will forever regret not taking the full 16 weeks moreso than being broke.

I am starting to stress about the loss of our "nest egg" though. Between a down payment for a house, an 11k tax bill, 3k for my delivery, 10k for house closing costs, and my husband starting grad school in September, I feel like all the money we worked so hard to save will disappear, and it leaves me feeling a little less secure and out of control. I'm a worrier by nature so there are just so many variables I can't predict that make me nervous.

ngaines27

My DH and I are houseparents at a group home for teenaged girls. I currently live with 2 college aged girls and were told last week we will be getting two more high school aged kids before DS is born. I will get a week and half off (this includes hospital stay) and then will come back "on-duty" to mother 7 children. Should be an exhausting adventure.

HoosOnFirst

Update, my boss is on board. Just need to get it cleared by one higher-up. What we agreed on is one work from home day per week through December and then we can reassess. So good news for now.

As I said in another post, I've always been career driven and DH and I both have graduate degrees and care a lot about what we do. My husband and I contribute equally to the household financially (actually I am more than half). As a PP said above, being considered lazy by my colleagues would be my worst nightmare! I'm really nervous about it all... I worry I won't have the instincts to be a good parent and put family first, is that weird?

KaLikeAWind

@hoodoll82 I don't think that's a weird worry, but I really doubt it will be an issue for you (for any of us). You'll do fine, we'll all do just fine >-

seesea

Since being on modified bed rest I'm taking some of my leave time right now, which sucks because I wanted to use most of my time when baby gets here. I'll probably use up my FMLA time when the baby arrives. Fortunately, since I'm a teacher I'll have the summer to be with the LO but that will only give me 6 weeks. I could take extra bonding time up to 12 weeks when the school year starts but it's unpaid. I know finances will be tight but we'll be ok. What gets me is that I just feel guilty for missing so much work already. Not quite sure what I'm going to do.

With DS1 I took about 16 weeks off and though it was REALLY difficult to go back to work, it was manageable and eventually I was fine being a working mom. What I'm wondering is if 6 weeks is enough to bond with baby. I'm thinking that maybe after baby #2 it won't be as hard to go back to work? Does anyone here think 6 weeks is enough bonding time? 

elisabetinkeri

I went back to work full time 8 weeks after my 2nd was born. It would have been 6 but we were on Christmas break. I think it was definitely long enough to bond. I was lucky to have on-site daycare where I could go nurse DS on my lunch-breaks so I was able to get a little baby-fix in my day.

knwilliams01

@hoodoll82 technically baby girl isn't due until 6/3. However, I have been on hospital bed rest for over 3 weeks now due to low amniotic fluid. Could deliver any day but if baby keeps being a rockstar, I will have a c-section at 35 or 36 weeks. So at least I should get 6 weeks off to move, gain some strength back, and spend time with LO

@karaelaine1991 thank you!! Luckily I start on one of the "lesser demanding" rotations. It will be intense going from bedrest to new baby to working 80 hours a week, but I am really excited. It will definitely be an adventure!

virginiaunicorn11

I'm in love with this thread, and while I have a bit of a different attitude than some expressed here, I am so impressed by what I am reading, and grateful to all of you for sharing.

A friend recently sent me a link to this online course about moms returning to work, which may or may not be of interest to some of you.  Looks like it is $99 for the 4-week online course.  I am not affiliated with them and have no idea how good or not the course is, but fyi in case it is of interest for any of you:  www.mindfulreturn.com/e-course/ or register for the course here.

 @hoodoll I am pumped for you that you got your work-from-home day!  Way to advocate for yourself!

@dancegurl1118 - I am in the same boat as you, having spent out on our nest egg this year so that we could come to Germany for a fellowship that is advancing my career.  DH had to quit his job and put his career on hold; and the apartment we own in NYC wasn't rented out for as long, or at the rent level that we needed.  So our savings is extremely diminished.  We are choosing to take the point of view "This is exactly why we have a nest egg.  To invest in our lives, when needed." 

 

virginiaunicorn11

amark11 said:

I'm in love with this thread, and while I have a bit of a different attitude than some expressed here, I am so impressed by what I am reading, and grateful to all of you for sharing.

A friend recently sent me a link to this online course about moms returning to work, which may or may not be of interest to some of you.  Looks like it is $99 for the 4-week online course.  I am not affiliated with them and have no idea how good or not the course is, but fyi in case it is of interest for any of you:  www.mindfulreturn.com/e-course/ or register for the course here.

 @hoodoll I am pumped for you that you got your work-from-home day!  Way to advocate for yourself!

@dancegurl1118 - I am in the same boat as you, having spent out on our nest egg this year so that we could come to Germany for a fellowship that is advancing my career.  DH had to quit his job and put his career on hold; and the apartment we own in NYC wasn't rented out for as long, or at the rent level that we needed.  So our savings is extremely diminished.  We are choosing to take the point of view "This is exactly why we have a nest egg.  To invest in our lives, when needed." 

 

issues with edits - @hoodoll82 my tag to you didn't work in the above.

Also want to add: If it fits your world views, I would really encourage you to find a way to add your voice to supporting US legislation that provides for maternity/parental leave.  I do not mean to get political, but want to point out that the US is the ONLY developed country without a single day of paid leave for new mothers.  The USA and Papua New Guinea are the ONLY countries in the entire world that do not provide paid leave.  Afghanistan has more progressive maternity leave policies than the US! 

Some options for taking action can be found here, but again, I am not affiliated with these folks and have no idea how good or not they are, so whatever works for you: https://www.nationalpartnership.org/do-something/take-action.html

 

finchfeeder80

CillyMama said:

Since being on modified bed rest I'm taking some of my leave time right now, which sucks because I wanted to use most of my time when baby gets here. I'll probably use up my FMLA time when the baby arrives. Fortunately, since I'm a teacher I'll have the summer to be with the LO but that will only give me 6 weeks. I could take extra bonding time up to 12 weeks when the school year starts but it's unpaid. I know finances will be tight but we'll be ok. What gets me is that I just feel guilty for missing so much work already. Not quite sure what I'm going to do.

With DS1 I took about 16 weeks off and though it was REALLY difficult to go back to work, it was manageable and eventually I was fine being a working mom. What I'm wondering is if 6 weeks is enough to bond with baby. I'm thinking that maybe after baby #2 it won't be as hard to go back to work? Does anyone here think 6 weeks is enough bonding time? 

I'll only have six weeks. Maybe seven, since I still have all five of my paid sick time and my goal is to use that in conjunction with my short term disability. I've heard HR sometimes makes you use five paid days first, anyway. But yeah, I'm having a really hard time emotionally with the idea of going back to work. I have to, there's no way we can halve our income and still stay afloat. I talked about it in another thread a while back, but I do have some major hangups with investing so much of myself into this little person just to turn around and hand them over to someone else. Knowing I'll see my kid for like three hours a day and miss all their milestones just destroys me. I'm trusting all of the world's working moms and the ones I know who have come before me and done it, and say it's not like that, but it really really hurts. I feel like I'm just going to be this person that takes them away from the people they care about, feeds them dinner, then puts them to bed to the kid. I'm putting my trust in the universe out there on this one that everything will be ok.

dirtymartini

I'm really career-driven and have been losing sleep over the fact that I'll be missing at least 12 weeks of work and what's going to happen while I'm gone, and how will this affect my career.  I feel like a horrible mom-to-be. I'm going to need to start shifting my focus to what's really most important.

HoosOnFirst

dirtymartini said:

I'm really career-driven and have been losing sleep over the fact that I'll be missing at least 12 weeks of work and what's going to happen while I'm gone, and how will this affect my career.  I feel like a horrible mom-to-be. I'm going to need to start shifting my focus to what's really most important.

I'm mostly with you there. I am not that worried about my team for the 12 weeks I am gone - they are good people and will get through it. But I am concerned about how I'm viewed from a management/leadership perspective once I'm back and being stricter about my schedule, for example. While I realize I don't owe my company jack, it still makes me worried I'll be seen differently or that it will alter my career path. But what can you do, nothing, right? It's all bullsh*t. I don't suspect the men have to this about this as much (although that being said, DH is doing daycare pickup every day so he had to have a similar convo with his boss about evening hours at work!)

mvargas12

@frankengibbs I am curious as to how your boss will manage without childcare for an indefinite amount of time. It sounds like you don't know if you'll be back at 2 weeks or 6. Do they have a backup sitter? I am a nanny as well and the family I work with has been wonderful but they ended up getting an au pair. I'm still part time with them but I don't know how long I'll be out once I have the baby and they just couldn't not have childcare for that time. Also, when you go back to work are they letting you bring the baby? I feel like if I pay for childcare, my paycheck will go towards that so I might as well not work. The kids are 2.5 and 5 and are just too active to bring a newborn along. I am going to have to get a new job once I am ready to go back to work but I am curious as to how other nannies make it work.

frankengibbs

mvargas12 said:

@frankengibbs I am curious as to how your boss will manage without childcare for an indefinite amount of time. It sounds like you don't know if you'll be back at 2 weeks or 6. Do they have a backup sitter? I am a nanny as well and the family I work with has been wonderful but they ended up getting an au pair. I'm still part time with them but I don't know how long I'll be out once I have the baby and they just couldn't not have childcare for that time. Also, when you go back to work are they letting you bring the baby? I feel like if I pay for childcare, my paycheck will go towards that so I might as well not work. The kids are 2.5 and 5 and are just too active to bring a newborn along. I am going to have to get a new job once I am ready to go back to work but I am curious as to how other nannies make it work.

She's planning for me to take 6 weeks off (DH thinks this isn't long enough, but we'll see), the real debate is whether or not I will continue working for her after I have LO. The two weeks is a trial period of work to see how well I can handle her 4 and 5y/o (they have behavioral issues) along with my newborn because if I do go back to work, the plan is for me to take LO with me. My concern is that her kids will hurt my baby so this decision is kind of rough. I feel bad about doing it, but I have to let her know a few weeks before I go on maternity leave that I need her to be prepared to have other childcare options in the event that I decide to not come back or if after the trial period I feel like I can't handle her children in addition to my LO because at the end of the day my child is my priority.

frankengibbs

Also, if I don't go back, it is likely I will start some courses so that when I do go back to work again, it will be for the career I want because although I love children, I could in no way be a CP as a permanent job.

megmar87

Serenamarr said:

Good luck to all you ladies returning to work!

I was about to accept a fellowship for a Ph. D. program when we found out we were pregnant, and although I know I will love being a SAHM, I'm afraid I will regret never accomplishing anything academically/career-wise, which up until now has always been the driving force of my life. It's a shame that in a lot of ways I feel I had to choose between a family and my career goals, but I would still choose LO every time.

Wow, I can relate to that. I Just completed my Masters of Mental Health Counseling in the fall, right after we found out we were expecting. I have taught elementary school for the last six years and was planning on this being my last year teaching before transitioning to a career in counseling. Instead, I am also going to transition to being a SAHM. I am very excited for this change and for the time with our LO. We are about to start paying my loans, though, and I won't even be contributing to our income. I still plan to use my degree eventually, but it won't be in the near future now. 

KaLikeAWind

hoodoll82 said:

dirtymartini said:

I'm really career-driven and have been losing sleep over the fact that I'll be missing at least 12 weeks of work and what's going to happen while I'm gone, and how will this affect my career.  I feel like a horrible mom-to-be. I'm going to need to start shifting my focus to what's really most important.

I'm mostly with you there. I am not that worried about my team for the 12 weeks I am gone - they are good people and will get through it. But I am concerned about how I'm viewed from a management/leadership perspective once I'm back and being stricter about my schedule, for example. While I realize I don't owe my company jack, it still makes me worried I'll be seen differently or that it will alter my career path. But what can you do, nothing, right? It's all bullsh*t. I don't suspect the men have to this about this as much (although that being said, DH is doing daycare pickup every day so he had to have a similar convo with his boss about evening hours at work!)

Yes to this. I feel that for our working mamas there is definitely more pressure to return to work and act like you have no other life other than work. It is bullsh*t. I've seen men in positions of power duck out early 2 days a week because their kid has softball games, but the mom who is working toward that position who needs to leave early to take her sick kid to the Dr is guilt tripped. Stupid.

I'm also totally with @amark11. Our maternity leave system here in the US is a joke. We should use our voices as voters to encourage change. Its frustrating to me that our government is so stuffy with regards to women's rights and healthcare. I'm gonna shut it down at that cause I don't want to start a politics debate, but I'm tired of old white guys telling me how to use birth control, parent my kid, etc

heidiiwa

A PhD program and a baby don't have to be mutually exclusive. I also started applying for a PhD program before I knew I was pregnant, then after consulting with my future advisor and my husband decided to go ahead and apply even though I'm pregnant. One of the women in the program before me had a baby while in it and they accommodated her. So I was accepted and am starting in the fall. I know it will be hard, but my current job is less flexible and has longer hours than grad school would be, they have a union for student workers so I won't be forced into unpaid overtime like I am now as a therapist with productivity standards, so I think in the long run it will be better for our family. At least on the academic schedule you get holidays off! I was never going to be a SAHM anyway, and I think starting a new exciting chapter in my life will help ward off PPD.
I felt guilty about using daycare at first but not anymore, now that I've gotten used to the idea and researched some awesome daycares. And my husband will help out when I go back to work until starting the PhD program (I'm only taking the PTO I've saved, so about 5 weeks).

mvargas12

@frankengibbs your boss seems very flexible and totally willing to work with you, which is so great!! I hope things work out with her kids and your little one. At the end of the day, you'll do what's best for your family, it's understandable if that means no longer working with the family.

I totally hear you on going back to school. I'm on the same boat

seesea

@finchfeeder80 thanks for your perspective on things. I'm just so tired of the guilt between work and motherhood. Either I feel guilty for not giving my all to my job or guilty that I can't be there for my kids during the day.

FWIW coming home to baby after a very long day at work is one of the greatest feelings ever! Sometimes hanging out with DS after a stressful day makes it all melt away. At least I know I have that to look forward to.

@amark11 thanks for posting the info on paid leave. I think our maternity/parental leave policies are ridiculous. 6-8 weeks isn't really much time but we're forced to make it work or suffer consequences for extra time beyond that. I've been reading articles about that too. Some countries offer up to a year of leave with at least 60% pay for both parents. Also, the partner could give their days to the mother so she can get more time off. Why can't the U.S. have something like that?!

HoosOnFirst

To those talking about policy: I am totally with you all. They should also increase the dependent care tax cap -$5k is like 3/4 months of childcare in Massachusetts!

For a little different perspective, a friend of mine recently had the opportunity to sit down with ... A pretty high up politician that I can't name ... And he said it needs to be a two-pronged approach: that politicians don't always have enough clout, and it's important to put pressure on employers and large businesses to force change in the market. If we could get, say, Walmart to improve maternity leave, then others will follow. So we should spend our dollars on companies with good practices. The politician also said because a lot of politicians get funding from these corporations, many are unwilling to vote for things like maternity leave because it jeopardizes their campaign contributions. Really pathetic.

KaLikeAWind

Our policymakers, up for sale. Smh...
[-(

That's good to know about promoting companies that treat their employees better, tho. Its something I would have done anyway, but I guess I will have to be even more diligent about it.