VENT

DMEL

Sorry ladies but I need a sounding board here. Anyone else get super annoyed on their BMB about the super young, unprepared, unplanned pregnancy women? I mean- I fought so hard for this pregnancy and have been working really hard to stay healthy and keep baby healthy. And then there are women who live off their parents and complain that their mom wants to help with baby too much. Or that their aunt didn't throw a nice enough shower. Or that baby daddy insulted them again. And the list goes on.

I'm trying not to be judgmental, but it sickens me to think these women got pregnant so easily and take it all so lightly!

Apologies for coming off like a petulant brat. Sometimes you just gotta get things off your chest

J&D2007

Honestly, it doesn't bother me too much. I'm honestly slightly envious of the complete naivety of other women. They haven't even considered that something terrible could happen so they focus on the little things. I wish I could be more like them in a way! I am finding my bmb WAY more tolerable and even enjoyable than previously.

DMEL

That's a great mindset @j&d2007! I am going to try to adopt that too

BABYBRAGA2

@DMEL I know exactly what you mean! I just graduated from my REs office.. yay! After 4 IUIs 3 IVF cycles and 3 FETs we are finally pregnant! But petrified that something is going to go wrong bc I have IF brain. Someone on my BMB was complaining about there being too many posts about people not having ms and that they should just be happy and wait for the real worries of pregnancy like when you are peeing your pants?? Umm I don't know what that's about but as an infertile that is worried sick about everything would gladly pee her pants for 9 months if it meant having a heallthy baby! But I like @J&D2007 s take on the situation, it must be nice to be blissfully ignorant to all the bad stuff that can happen. In the end it'll make us better moms bc we will never take anything for granted! Good luck to you both!

gsancho

I felt the same way, although I haven't ventured to the BMB in a while.  In all honesty, the boards changed a lot when there was a mass exodus several months ago.  The BMBs had more established (older and knowledgeable) members...but then the people who run the site made some bad moves and pissed everyone off, so the old regulars are now on another site.  Granted, before the BMBs were a little too snarky and could feel like a clique, but you at least didn't see a bunch of dumb comments and questions.  Now it's mostly new ladies, usually younger, who find the board through the app.

MiromiM

It used to bother me but only because I wanted a child so badly and it seemed unfair how easy other people got pregnant. Now I just think of this comic:

raclark77

It upsets me!! This girl that I worked with bragged about her going to have an abortion and I begged her for me to adopt the baby but she was like "that would be weird" umm better then what your plans are right? I cried I wanted a baby so bad. So with 4 ivf I have 2 amazing kids and praying this ivf will be out 3rd amazing child. I believe God gave us a special kind of strength with a lot of love and appreciation to give.

mrslovt

I think it's so great that this forum exits so we can talk about this stuff to others who really understand. Yes I too have felt frustrated with those who didn't want to be pregnant or had "accidents" just another unfair thing I. Life. I like the cartoon. These babies although took longer to conceive are so loved and wanted. That's a good thing!

1220winterbride

Heartbreaking

ivfmommy1228

Completely agree. I try to have a good attitude about it. As long as they are just young and maybe scared/worried but overall happy about the pregnancy it doesn't bother me so much. But, when I see someone on their 3rd "oops" complaining, it really ticks me off. I have looked around on the BMB a few times, but honestly don't feel like I'll ever fit in there.

MrsBwIVF

I don't know what's worse, young people complaining in the ways OP stated or people in your family or friends that know all of your struggles over the years but still complain that they took forever to conceive. Forever in their minds but in reality it was just a couple of months doing it naturally.
I understand everyone has different struggles but complaining to people in our situations make me want to smack them silly. Especially when they already have healthy and happy children and just missed "having a baby around".

Daggermouth

What does BMB mean?

[Deleted User]

TheBaysideBride said:

@Daggermouth - birth month board??

The young 'uns are annoying but I have to say, I posted my beta story in the TTC group, and while almost everyone was sweet I had a few nasty comments that really bothered me. Basically - we don't know you well enough for you to post good news. But I realized that while those of us who have gone thru this speak the same language, those fortunate to be trying naturally don't get it. Like any woman who says she got a positive beta after ivf is saying: "I struggled for years, I had successes and ultimately failures, we have put much if not all of our savings into this and finally, finally a little good news." I would hug a stranger on the street if she told me she got a positive beta, because we've walked in the same shoes. And I would know she is far from rejoicing. But that's because I've been there. Two years ago, IUIs seemed stressful!

Nope, I'm calling you out.  You came to the Trying To Conceive board, didn't read any of the rules, and created a thread gushing that you got your BFP.  You basically jumped into a crowd of ladies who keep getting BFNs and shoved your BFP in their face.  Sorry, but that was mean and thoughtless so you got called out for it.

If you had lurked like you were told many, many times to you would have known that was not an okay thing to do.

Pretty much everyone said congrats because it's great that you got pregnant (it really, really is!) - but it was really rude of you to announce it in the way that you did.

27alex

antoto said:

TheBaysideBride said:

@Daggermouth - birth month board??

The young 'uns are annoying but I have to say, I posted my beta story in the TTC group, and while almost everyone was sweet I had a few nasty comments that really bothered me. Basically - we don't know you well enough for you to post good news. But I realized that while those of us who have gone thru this speak the same language, those fortunate to be trying naturally don't get it. Like any woman who says she got a positive beta after ivf is saying: "I struggled for years, I had successes and ultimately failures, we have put much if not all of our savings into this and finally, finally a little good news." I would hug a stranger on the street if she told me she got a positive beta, because we've walked in the same shoes. And I would know she is far from rejoicing. But that's because I've been there. Two years ago, IUIs seemed stressful!

Nope, I'm calling you out.  You came to the Trying To Conceive board, didn't read any of the rules, and created a thread gushing that you got your BFP.  You basically jumped into a crowd of ladies who keep getting BFNs and shoved your BFP in their face.  Sorry, but that was mean and thoughtless so you got called out for it.

If you had lurked like you were told many, many times to you would have known that was not an okay thing to do.

Pretty much everyone said congrats because it's great that you got pregnant (it really, really is!) - but it was really rude of you to announce it in the way that you did.

This. So much this.

27alex

TheBaysideBride said:

And FWIW, I DID read the rules, carefully, to make sure my post didn't violate anything. I was not shoving it in anyone's face, i was updating a conversation we had last week about trying to conceive, IVF and the terrible timing of betas on holidays. Instead of just shoving the positive into a sig, i was giving it context to avoid this kind of nastiness, so people would know that although i'm new to the boards i'm no stranger to infertility. 

If you took the time to actually think about what i posted and where i'm coming from, you would see that. The last thing i would ever do is post something that made other women feel bad - UNLIKE you guys, who then also flamed me for deleting the post, to "spare" women from seeing. 

No one who has truly struggled with fertility would treat another woman this way. Again, thank you for the nastiness today, truly in the spirit of a community forum. I'm leaving TTC, despite the years of experience I could bring, but please don't stalk me on other boards. 

Except you exhibited no board etiquette and then proceeded to use the report button as a dislike button when you were told things you didn't like.Which is also in the guidelines.

Daggermouth

What is the report button and what is lurking?