Not liking the discussions about miscarriage...

Lauraiaq

I'm sorry and hope I don't offend anyone.. It's just being pregnant and scared enough as it is I just think hearing about people who are having miscarriages don't help with making me feel better, it freaks me out so much more. I haven't been on here much lately due to that reason.. I understand what a terrible feeling it is, I myself have a history of Miscarriage .. I just feel like maybe there should be a seperate spot for people who are going through this to post on.. And maybe keep this part more hopeful.. Sorry again if I offended anyone not my intention..

renrondeau

Just don't read the posts if they don't pertain to your situation. Everyone on here started out pregnant and people go through things as you know so it's just life my dr said 1 out of 4 pregnancies miscarry it's part of it.

kmd91

I personally like to see it. Not in that I like to see loss, that is incredibly sad. However, especially with people who post regularly, I think it's good for them to post about their loss. Because they've been part of this with us and I'd rather know why they disappeared. The threads about loss generally have a title that totally gives away what the content of the post will be about. If it's a sensitive thing for you that you don't want to read about, don't click on it. But the way I see it, it's part of pregnancy, they have every right to share with us what they are experiencing.

Pontot31

Unfortunately you don't get to decide that.
Many of these women who are experiencing losses have been on this board for weeks now. They are coming for support, just like you.
That's pretty insensitive to ask them to hide away. Don't read them if you can't handle the reality. But please don't tell a grieving woman not to post on what's become her home board.

arielwalls121

I'm so thankful for a board like this where you CAN discuss miscarriages. No one likes to talk about it and it's wonderful to be able to be sad with other women whose hearts are breaking.

coral6885

I agree. It is extremely sad, but not helping with my anxiety at all. I just try to avoid those posts.

aproulx725

I absolutely agree with you. It is scary to see the amount of people posting about having a miscarriage. However at the same time those people do need a place to be able to talk about that. I hope that they also seek out support on the loss and miscarriage board as well.

As easy as it is not to click on those posts it's just as hard not to click on them because of curiosity. I know that I have gotten myself more worked up over the idea of a miscarriage because of the multiple posts. So know that you are not alone, but those women need support just as much as we do, if not more.

DrMommaDVM

It's not others' job to edit or segregate themselves so that you can feel better and less scared about your pregnancy. Miscarriage is a relevant topic, especially in the first trimester. These ladies are posting because they need support. If you can't handle it, I would get off the message boards until second trimester.

BooBerry137

Sigh. Where's that post it?

HayHayHayden

I think you have to just understand that some of these women need support and can only get it from people like us on this app. I understand your feeling because I have extreme anxiety and am a hyperchondriac so seeing things like that isn't good for me. But if I see a thread that looks remotely like it could be about a miscarriage, I just don't open it. It's not fun to be in that situation so try to be a little more understanding

Lauraiaq

Like I said I didn't mean to offend anyone.. And I have a history of miscarriages as well so I know what people are going through. I am just posting my feelings like everyone else does.

renrondeau

I haven't seen anyone get nasty. /:) Then you delete that comment?

CarrieOct15

I'm totally with you when it comes to those fears/anxiety, but just because you say "no offense" does not mean nobody will get offended. Just put yourself in one of those grieving mother's shoes.. imagine how you would feel if you suffered a loss, and then read a post from someone suggesting that you should take your grief somewhere else.

Pontot31

This is why there's such a stigma around miscarriage. Women are asked not to talk about it so they don't worry others.

Also there was an extremely heated thread about this topic just a day or 2 ago. Didn't go over well.

Lauraiaq

I know I know I'm a horrible terrible person for posting my feelings but don't say if I knew what it was like Because I do I have been in those grieving mothers situation and have had miscarriages.. And I would never want to add to a newly pregnant mothers fears.. Your baby feels everything you feel, stress, fear anxiety that's not good.. I totally get the need for support all I'm saying is maybe it's better if kept in a topic specific group..

Ceridwen77

CarrieOct15 said:

I'm totally with you when it comes to those fears/anxiety, but just because you say "no offense" does not mean nobody will get offended. Just put yourself in one of those grieving mother's shoes.. imagine how you would feel if you suffered a loss, and then read a post from someone suggesting that you should take your grief somewhere else.

Well said. How could this thread not be offensive to some? The fact that OP says multiple times that she doesn't mean to offend anyone means she knows what she's saying may be offense. It's like someone saying "don't take this the wrong way, but.." - just stop right there.

Miscarriage isn't contagious, and whether or not you worry about it will cause or prevent it from happening. If it's going to happen, sadly it will. No need to shun people or be unsupportive.

Tealmoore

Its not very fair to just ask members of the board who have been here supporting others to take themselves off somewhere else where their sadness and reality doesnt impact you. That is why miscarriage is something most women are not prepared for, because nobody talks about it. Its not the "your only welcome as long as you have a happy and healthy pregnancy board". I think the good, the bad and the ugly should be allowed as its all part of pregnancy. Read what you want and dont read ones you find scary.

blinky2112

Lauraiaq said:

I'm sorry and hope I don't offend anyone.. It's just being pregnant and scared enough as it is I just think hearing about people who are having miscarriages don't help with making me feel better, it freaks me out so much more. I haven't been on here much lately due to that reason.. I understand what a terrible feeling it is, I myself have a history of Miscarriage .. I just feel like maybe there should be a seperate spot for people who are going through this to post on.. And maybe keep this part more hopeful.. Sorry again if I offended anyone not my intention..

***************

Don't be sorry! I think everyone comes here for help, support and to talk to each other about their experience. Miscarriage is just one of the many topics that a message board like this can try to help people with.

You are totally right to have your opinion.

Good luck with your experience! I hope you always have the best of it!

splaughter

I agree 100% there IS a seperate board for talking about miscarriage and it should be used for that.

CarrieOct15

@Lauraiaq you're not a horrible person for feeling this way. I get that it's tough to read about miscarriage. Most of the women who posted about it happening to them probably weren't far enough along to tell their friends/family, so we're all they have. If they read posts about people not wanting to hear about their miscarriages, they may not post about it and have to suffer alone. Nobody wants that.

Good luck with your pregnancy! 

BooBerry137

This is probably one of the most horrible things that's been posted here. Congratulations @Lauraiaq and @splaughter .

Pontot31

splaughter said:

I agree 100% there IS a seperate board for talking about miscarriage and it should be used for that.

But what happens when an active poster is here one day and gone the next? Don't they get the right to say goodbye? They know people here and are looking for support. It's not right to ask them to go somewhere else.

amh0411712

Pontot31 said:

Unfortunately you don't get to decide that.
Many of these women who are experiencing losses have been on this board for weeks now. They are coming for support, just like you.
That's pretty insensitive to ask them to hide away. Don't read them if you can't handle the reality. But please don't tell a grieving woman not to post on what's become her home board.

It's very, very hurtful, as someone who has experienced loss this sort of mentality of hiding it so others don't need to know or hear about it is exactly why there is a stigma. I've lost a baby prior to this pregnancy, if someone told me not to talk about it I would of slapped them silly.

If you don't want to read about it, dont. Simple enough.

splaughter

The miscarriage posts I've seen there is no support. It's sorry for your loss. The actual boards have more support. If this is the most horrible thing on here then you obviously haven't read many of the threads @BooBerry137. Me and @Lauraiaq posted our opinions. Just like everyone else.

Tealmoore

Most people posting about it are just letting us know what has happened and why they wont be here. We are all very early days yet and anything can happen at any time. Its not nice to try tell people they cant post on a board where they have been actively part of just to protect someones feelings.

oliarnmom1517

I have mixed feelings about it...I think the women should have someplace to go and post but I just avoid them because I get nervous that maybe mine will be next...I just try not to read about it I just pray for the ladies going through a loss and hope that they have a brighter day soon...I understand where your coming from but everybody needs a place to say what's going on both good or bad..even if it's stressful..

oxley09

This thread makes me sad. Just as this should be a safe place for those experiencing loss, this should also be a safe place for someone to say loss makes her anxious. We can disagree on something without getting sensitive and upset right? My fear is that when we don't show patience for a dissenting opinion, we push people farther from the support they might really need. We need to be lifting each other up ladies! Best of luck to all.

DrMommaDVM

splaughter said:

I agree 100% there IS a seperate board for talking about miscarriage and it should be used for that.

My God, girls. Way to look at someone else's horrible heartbreaking loss and think only of how it affects YOU in some minute way. You are not making a great impression here.
Karma, karma, karma.

Tealmoore

Sometimes starting a thread to voice your opinion is unneccessary. This board is not your board so I suggest you just cover your eyes and stop reading posts with material that you are uncomfortable with. Im sure your feelings are the least of a persons concerns if they are going through a miscarriage.

ArcticFox116

Thats the thing though they are posting about it because this is their birth club to its like a form of closure. It may not help to make you feel better but its their post they dont post to make you feel better they post to make themselves feel better or at least sane you know? Your posts are for your benefit theirs are for there own. I try not read those posts because im a first timer and everything scares me but i don't see why they can't post to let the board know they are moving to the loss board were suppose to all be here for eachother and unfortunately thats part of pregnancy sometimes.

Lauraiaq

Ok everyone needs to calm the hormones and relax... I'm not telling anyone not to post I'm just saying they made specific boards for that reason only.. They would probably get more support on there then in here.. Pregnancy should be a incredible experience but yes for many such as myself terrible things happen and yes support is necessary but I would never want to put my bad experiences out there to people that already have enough fears...

leslie523

I think that it's the way these posts go. If the OP had said I hear about so many miscarriages and I get so nervous it wouldn't be so offensive to many. As a first time mom, yes I'm scared of miscarriage. I was also scared before I got pregnant that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant. I'm sure in the future I will be scared that I'm not going to be able to breastfeed or deliver normally or parent well! There are sooooo many things that stress me out all day long all year long that worrying about miscarriage is not really increasing that level. I worry I will vomit in my bosses office too. Or that I'll pee my pants at work. Geez. Sympathy and empathy for others is seriously lacking here....

Tealmoore

Lauraiaq said:

Ok everyone needs to calm the hormones and relax... I'm not telling anyone not to post I'm just saying they made specific boards for that reason only.. They would probably get more support on there then in here.. Pregnancy should be a incredible experience but yes for many such as myself terrible things happen and yes support is necessary but I would never want to put my bad experiences out there to people that already have enough fears...

Good for you. So now you are more considerate of others feelings than other women. You should really just get them with a stick and beat em with it. So insensitive of them posting here to scare you....if only they could all be more like you eh?

peachmuffins

I posted about the same thing in a ffcf thread. It made some people really mad. There are loss boards on the bump... One of ladies that was pissed by my opinion said the loss boards werent very active... And im guessing they arent as active because people keep posting about it on their bmb... So instead of creating a once again active community on the loss boards where women could get real support, you are now going to get flamed for daring to suggest that this isnt the greatest place to post losses. Buuuut there are clearly very opposing opinions on this. I understand why the other side is offended by what was said... its the internet, if you're not wearing your big girl panties you shouldnt be here.

Kellyj103

Thank you for your post. I completely agree. This is my first pregnancy and I have my first appointment on Friday and I can't be on the boards anymore. It's too much and it stresses me out way too much. I agree "not to read it if you don't want to see it" but come on! It's in almost every single thread. It's not easy. Also @Lauraiaq I'm sorry people are jumping down your throat about how you feel. I get the impression that a lot of people type before they think and get overly passionate. I thought this group would create a positive and inviting space to express ourselves. I could be wrong about this...

Lauraiaq

You people are all really ridiculous... So it's ok for everyone to post about their fears and concerns but for me to say that seeing so many people post about their MC gives me more anxiety is the worst thing ever?? I've been there and lived through it.. And am a high risk for it I'm prone to blood clots I have to give my self injections every morning.. I have pcos which makes it even harder for me to even conceive and a higher risk for mc which I have experienced before and yes thankfully I was able to get pregnant again (still trying to bring one to full term) which took a really long time.. So I l'm sorry but ya me and I'm sure a lot of other people would prefer to see more hopeful post then not..

gumby22c

If it makes you uncomfortable then don't go into posts that involve it. While yes there are boards to help people through a loss, that doesn't mean they need to peace out of here asap. That's unfair and heartless. Your hangups about miscarriage shouldn't be projected on others.

renrondeau

Just maybe someone else's past loss experience could help a grieving person going through it at that moment. So while you are still in your "safe" zone maybe you could reach out and help someone else after all this is a club about everyone not just you and what you want to hear.

BooBerry137

renrondeau said:

Just maybe someone else's past loss experience could help a grieving person going through it at that moment. So while you are still in your "safe" zone maybe you could reach out and help someone else after all this is a club about everyone not just you and what you want to hear.

So this.  Support others on the board if you want support.  

Tealmoore

There is a difference between saying "im anxious about miscarriage as i have seen so many posts about it" and suggesting the people who have suffered miscarriage should go elsewhere. I am sure you are well aware of the difference.

fussygussy12

If you simply can't bear a few posts asking for thoughts and prayers and a little camaraderie, I have no idea how you live and function in the real world.