He's 43 and scared that he can't be a good dad — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

He's 43 and scared that he can't be a good dad

I'm 9 weeks, 6 days pregnant. We will both be 44 when LO is born. I'm already a mom, DD will be 22 when LO is born!! My BF isn't a dad, and never really wanted to be. He changed his mind, I went off the pill to see if anything would happen (didn't think it would), and got pregnant two months later.

BF is now completely freaked out. He grew up in an abusive household (both parents) and is afraid he'll be just like his mom and dad. Nothing I say will sway him. Have any others been through this?

Re: He's 43 and scared that he can't be a good dad

  • I'm almost 27 and terrified. First child for me also so I imagine this is a fairly normal reaction.
    As for being scared he'll be abusive because his parents were, I should think he can get past it. The way I see it is he was raised with the perfect example of everything not to do. If you hadn't thought to use that I hope it helps
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  • I have no experience, but will give one piece of advice:

    If he wants to break the cycle I would recommend he start watching how other dads/moms handle situations and try to copy that. All he might know right now is to hit or yell. Start going to places with lots of kids, people watch, and take notes. You'll see parents yelling at their kids to behave: it's not pleasant so don't do that. You'll see parent's talking calmly, you'll see parent's simply ignoring, you'll see parent's repeating themselves multiple times. He needs to teach himself to mold his parenting from others he sees and not his parents. If he's willing to do it he can do it.

    There will also be frustrating times that he will lose his temper, it happens to the best of people. He will need to recognize those times and learn from it. Apologize to the kid and move on. I hope this helps.

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