Baby's Name, How to deal with people and their inputs?

tylery

My fiancé and I have been pretty set on our daughter's first name, Tesla, for the last month or so. I've never met any girl named Tesla, which I thought was unique, and could match my name Tyler (starts with T, five letters long). My fiancé chose the name because he was inspired by the scientist Nikola Tesla. (her name is not inspired by the car manufacturer...). We also plan on having a Japanese middle name and a Hawaiian one too.
Anyways, we shared the name with our parents and they immediately started to laugh and said it's a stupid name... For the last three weeks I've been having to deal with his parents constantly throwing names at us (which I totally don't like) and insist if we don't change our daughter's name that they will call her something else of THEIR choice. They don't want to call her by her first name and I doubt they will even call her by one of her middle names.
How do other moms handle this when other people (especially family members) keep judging your future child's name and insist to change it as if this is their child? HELP!
And definitely kills me and makes me upset because my fiancé wants me to move in with him and his family for the first year of our child being born... So I will have to deal with their nonsense of wanting to call our daughter by a different name of THEIR choice.

laurasuzanne2006

We didn't tell people because of this. Sorry

jillianmae2ndstar

I agree, we didn't tell bc I didn't want to deal with this exact situation. Everyone will learn the gender at the baby shower and the name at the birth.
However, you may need a serious sit down. This is YOUR baby and that means decisions are up to you. Your family may need to hear that loud and clear!

mommaKCS

With our daughter's name, we got a lot of negative feedback - Madigan, nn Maggie. It was slightly annoying, but it didn't bother me too much since we were both super confident with our choice... It was just THE name. Just remember that.... If it's the right name for your DD, don't worry about other opinions! They'll all go away once they have s beautiful baby to put the name to anyway!

This time around, I'm not sharing our choice as freely... Although, once again, we both know it's perfect and is our son's name!

bumpuser10704024

I feel your pain - we are considering naming our daughter Andee, my dad's name is Andrew and he goes by Andy. Well, my mom is not a fan, maybe it has something to.do with the fact that they're divorced, but frankly her negative comments are pushing me more towards the name. Haha. You should make up a really crazy name like peakaboo and then they'll gladly take Tesla.

Kimk1616

I'm sorry you have to deal with this but you can name your baby whatever you want. I'm willing to bet they will forget all this when their grand child is born.

holli0801

Also why we aren't telling our family and friends. Everyone has an opinion! Even if they don't mean to be rude they are. And after the fact, no one is going to say anything. They will be focused on their healthy grandbaby!

Unique names are always controversial. But clearly if means something to you. If you and your partner weren't sure, that's one thing. But when you know you know!

Boslove

We arent getting alot of positive comments with our name choice either.. Causing me to second guess it and ive kept looking in hopes ill find that name everyone loves. everyone loved DD's name, which i think is adding to my doubt. My SO is the complete opposite, he said they didnt make him so who cares. Lol - all that to say stick to your guns.

kjandericka

As soon as I told my family our name, I immediately added, "and if you don't like it, you can keep your opinion to yourself because we aren't asking for input." That pretty much stopped most negative comments. We still get the occasional name suggestion but it's normally like "I heard a little boy names ------, isn't that a cute name?" instead of "you should name your baby -------."

SantistevanMommie

I chose a Hawaiian first name for my baby girl and a lot of my fiances family said "why Hawaiian you aren't Hawaiian" I told them because that's what we chose and that's what her name is gonna be. Personally I would get pissed and probably go off on his family if they refused to call MY daughter by her name. I would tell them if you won't call her by her actual name don't talk to her at all. It's harsh but family has to understand that she's yours and it's not their choice what her name is.

ashorkey

We're not telling people either because of that reason. And also because all the women on my side of the family want our little girls middle name to be Jean as its a family name (first girls born all have it going back 3 generations and my girl will be the 1st for the 4th generation). I'm not a fan of Jean and my middle name is not Jean so I'm breaking the trend. When people ask I've just been telling them her name will be Myrtle. No offense if that's someone's name or family name- it was literally the first name that came to mind when my boss asked if we had a name picked out yet.

Snooches07

I'm so sorry you have to deal with such disrespect, especially from loved ones. We don't share names for this reason, the input of others means nothing when it comes to you choosing a name that you love for your child.

When asked we have always given off the wall names that we would never use and when they gave their input of names we would look at them and say, no that's just not edgy or cool enough, or something stupid. I'm pretty sure people got the hint, because no one is asking this time around, and it's our second,

With that said, maybe laugh in their face the next time they try to give you a name. I know it's kind of childish but sometimes people need a good dose of their own medicine to understand the callousness of what they have said.

mtxo

We are also not telling, but I believe once they see the baby is born, they will forget about the name issue and, maybe Tessie, or Tess for nick names? Just try & change the subject for now. Anyway, the name is beautiful! Congrats.

CaliforniaDream87

BreezyMeema said:

I guess you learned a valuable lesson for next time. That said, when baby arrives everyone is going to fall in love with her and forget how they disliked her name because she is going to be so perfect. Don't worry about it, there's nothing you can do so relax.

This

tylery

Thanks everybody for the input! I guess I definitely should've kept this info to myself before expressing our name choice for our daughter. Got a little too excited because this is our first baby and wanted to share the good news, but it's really biting me in the butt. Definitely annoying and I've been telling my in-laws that it's too bad if they don't like her name because that's the name my fiancé and I chose. But again thanks everyone, and congrats on your babies too

Starynightsky24

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. We shared our name, but family knows better than to say negative comments to me lol.

I would have a huge issue with SO's parents acting this way. I'd have your SO talk to them ASAP. If they are not respecting your decisions as her parent now, it's likely they won't after she's born either. You need to sit down with them and tell them their comments are unacceptable and they'll call her what you ask them to.

tylery

@Starynightsky24 Yeah I feel like if they can't accept something as simple as our daughters name then I'm sure they won't even be able to respect our choices as parents. That's another one of my biggest fears. Living with my in laws for the first year after our daughter is born, I can already imagine my in laws (especially my mom in law) overruling our choices to be parents. I can't bear to think that might be the case... But I'm standing firm to our name choice and hopefully can convince them to lay off already or they should put their input into having their own child again :P Not fun to have in laws who can't keep their unnecessary opinions to themselves.

maisymouse87

Wow that makes me mad! Like the other ladies have said, we aren't telling anyone our choices because of this very reason. However, I can't believe that they have said that they will call her whatever they want! It may be my hormones talking but I would say if they won't call her by her real name then they don't get to see her at all. Tough! :P

malamaza

I'm Croatian, which is where the late Mr. Tesla was from and while I really think its nice of your hubby to have been inspired by this great legend, I also think its a bit silly to use Tesla as a first name. A version of Nikki, Nicole, Nika, Nikolina, etc would be better IMO... And Tesla motors was also named after him so it will be natural for people to compare her name to the car brand... But then again people name their kids Mercedes and Porscha so.... Final choice is yours, good luck!

tylery

@maisymouse87 right?! It's so upsetting! I told my fiancé I will refuse to bring our baby around if that's the case, and that his parents need to respect our name choice and they better let us parent our own child. I knew I should've just kept the whole gender and name thing a secret, but my fiancé and I were too excited to not share the news... Now I know what not to do if we ever have a second child haha...

tylery

@malamaza Yea I can see how someone will immediately compare our daughter's name to the car manufacturer and sometimes people compare her name to some random rock band. But my fiancé wasn't convinced on deriving her name from Nikola itself, so he opted for Tesla instead. I don't think it's that strange to me, because I've seen some crazy different names before. I guess for whoever knows the scientist and affiliates Tesla as a last name then I can understand why it might seem weird to use it as a first name instead. But we've been calling her Tesla for the last month or so, so I think the name sticks lol.

malamaza

You loving the name is the most important! I think it will make people curious about its origin and thus spread knowledge of Nikola Tesla so I think thats great. He never got the credit he deserved for his life's work.

missmychard

I am sorry that your family wasn't very sensitive when sharing their views on the name. That being said, I think it's natural for people to have opinions on name choices. I didn't like hearing criticism about my ideas, but at the end of the day, I appreciated knowing how people would respond to my child's name because people are judged by their names for their whole lives. Hearing people's opinions helped make our decision.

joannerows

My SIL told us her name when they found out the sex and I actually found that refreshing. I plan on announcing the name asap and I'm prepared to defend it for the months before the birth instead of after!

tylery

@noobmama83 yea I could understand if they were giving me some actual criticism, but just saying they don't like the name and that it's stupid is what bothers me the most.

tojowedding

My family wasn't thrilled with my brother's choice for my niece's name, but now that she is out and delightful, we agree it could not be more perfect for her! I can't imagine her with any of the names we thought were better. Name your daughter whatever you think is right, because her parents know best! That said, beware of a larger issue here, that your in laws somehow think they can override this important parenting decision. Especially if you end up living with them, you need to set some serious boundaries with them, to the effect of, "We love you and value your experience and may ask for your input, but in the end, we will make whatever decision we, the parents, feel is best for our daughter, and we ask you to respect and support that, not criticize."

amk013

I've had one close family member be rude about our name. I told her, "if you can figure out a way to carry him for nine months, then you can name him." I haven't heard another rude comment since!

Dajart4

Similar situation. We haven't decided on a first name yet and now everyone feels they are entitled to name the baby. I hate to hurt their feeling but I taking the process seriously. A name is so permanent and I have all these rules. No you cannot pick my child's name but thanks for your input.

abmommy15

This really sucks but all I can say is stick to your guns. It's up to you and your fiancé what you name your children and if people don't like it they need to deal with it. I would just say to them that they had the chance to name their kids, now it's your turn and ask that they respect your choice even if they don't like it. I think it's a cute and unique name without being way out there. I'm sure lots of people will say the same. Like many others have said DH and I also decided not to share our name choice until he is born. People tend to criticize less when it's a done deal

xcitdmomma

Don't include anyone else from this point on.

I would not move in with them unless you sort this out first. I would not let them see my child without using the proper name.

Robin910

I know a young woman with the first name Tesla. Its a lovely name.

ambercdc

My husband refuses to discuss with anyone for this reason. Ive told a few girl friends what were considering but said we don't want input. I think we'll tell family but will let them know it's final and we don't want input or opinions first

tylery

@ambercdc Yeah it's so weird because my coworkers and some close friends have really taken a liking to the name. Only my in laws insist on calling her something else and keep throwing names at us. It's like, really? Enough with the name options because ultimately it's me and my fiancé who can choose the name. But we are so set on her first name lol.
Anyways GOOD IDEA on not telling your family just yet, and when you do I'm load you plan on telling them to keep their input to themselves.

tylery

@xcitdmomma yes, exactly! After all the constant name options being thrown at me by my fiancé's parents I've just about had it after this weekend. I told my fiancé I would rather force myself to live elsewhere instead of dealing with his parents trying to change our daughter's name, call her something else, or try to overrule our decisions as parents. So much conflict in living with parents and having our first child at a young age... ugh.

tylery

@Dajart4 totally agree with you!! I seriously just want to tell people, you had your chance to name your own children so stop trying to name ours... It's seriously a sentimental part to the pregnancy and being able to choose a name your child has to live with.
My in laws have thrown some weird names at us. They want to stick to this Christian, God theme (their children names are Praise, Hope, and Christian). So my in laws feel it's necessary that my fiancé and I continue THEIR choice of trend. I love God and all but our daughter's name is seriously our final choice lol

Blairbear28

My friend is due in May and is also naming her daughter Tesla!

mommyTARDIS

We have the opposite issue in a way, our families keep calling the baby names and we ahve not even picked one out yet!
We have names picked but we are waiting to meet him, to give him one.
But since my due date is Oct 30th, my DH's brother (or sister, I can't remember which one) said that if the baby was born after Halloween, that I could dress up as a kangaroo and he could be my joey. Which is not so bad, but now they all keep calling him Joye/Baby Joye, (Mother, Father, Both Brothers and Sister)
His mom even went as far as to say "use his name" when we were trying to get out of going to a restaurant by saying baby did not want it.
The siblings keep saying that no matter what we name him they are going to call him Joey and that we should just name him that she is does not get confused.

then my mom keeps calling him Jonah b/c he is "inside", not that I am a whale, but b/c we are looking at biblical names, she calls him that.

What most annoys me is that we do not want name him Joseph or Jonah, but we keep hearing these names so much we will slip and call him Joan or Joey! And even if I catch myself I think it in my head!

(I have no clue where my head was when I was typing ealier o.o, have any of you ever came back to re-read a post and realize that you mixed up words, and typed a sentence that made no sense?)

kelseyrayay

This might be lack of sleep talking ... But I'd Say to them screw your opinion and keep it moving.

jgorley2015

I was team green and only told my family, BFF, and coworkers my name choices (Teagan for a boy and Tinley for a girl). My dad was the only one who didn't like either name. I ended up going with Riley and everyone loves her and her name.

I'm sure they'll love your daughter and her name once she's here.

mariafordon

I know a girl named Tesla she's 20 and it suits her well. Also a cool scientist for a name inspiration. Honestly it's pretty sad that so many people only know of the car company...

As for the just calling her whatever they want I would shut that down real fast. So disrespectful. Not sure how you would feel about Tess as a nickname but that could be a compromise.

samathorn

We named our son Henry and when I told my dad over the phone he made one of those pauses that means he had nothing nice to say about it. Talk about momma bear claws coming out! Had he been in the room I probably would have clawed his eyes out. Of course I was only 24 hours pp. but honestly! If it's not your baby, keep anything but congratulations from coming out of your mouth :P