Somebody help me with sleep!! — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Somebody help me with sleep!!

I have a ten month old daughter that has never really slept through the night. We got her down to waking up once and needing a bottle. But its been hard and the pediatrician insists that this is just a habit and that she doesn't need the calories. 

So last week I tried to wean her off of that. I started giving her water instead. It worked for two nights in that she slept through the night but now she does this thing where I put her to bed at 8 and she wakes up around 1-2am. And we can't get her back to sleep. She doesn't want to go in her crib. I will rock her to sleep and the moment I lift her and she thinks she is going into crib, she grabs on to me. I finally caved the other night and had to bring her in bed with me. She fell asleep just fine right next to me! The same thing happened last night. 

The hard part is I don't sleep well when she is next to me because I feel like I can't move a muscle all night long. I also don't want to create these habits. 

Anyone else experience this? What should I do? I have had no luck with getting her to sleep through the night ever. I haven't done any sleep training by letting her cry it out because honestly I just can't listen to her cry. I'm wondering if I should have done this before. Any thoughts?

Re: Somebody help me with sleep!!

  • No experience- but does she cry if you put her in the crib at 1/2 am? If she isn't crying I would just leave her in the crib; she should eventually go back to sleep.
    Also- when you put her to sleep at night is she getting put in her crib awake or asleep? You might want to try and see if she can fall asleep on her own if she is getting put in her crib awake- that could help things as well.
  • ohlimohlim
    First Anniversary First Comment Photogenic
    member
    My son recently turned 10 months and we started sleep training about a week ago.  This isn't the first time we've tried but it's the first time we've had success!  I tried a variation of CIO the first time. (Put baby to bed awake but drowsy and wait 5 minutes, come in soothe him by patting him or giving him a hug then leave for 10 minutes, come back and soothe, then out again for 15 and so on.  That went on for 2hrs and I just couldn't take it anymore.  He was not calming down whatsoever and I was afraid he was getting too worked up so I stopped that.  That was at 7 months.)  I thought for sure I am not an advocate of CIO.  I hated hearing my son cry, it just broke my heart!!!  For several weeks, my son wouldn't sleep in his crib.  He wanted to sleep in bed with mom and dad and we were so tired we let him.  I knew this couldn't last forever.
    Now at 10 months I found a book called the Sleep Easy Solution.  The method is very much like CIO with the exception of the soothing method.  Sleep Easy explains that patting or hugging gives baby the impression that you will pick them up and it gets them confused when you don't which in turn makes them cry more.  Instead of soothing with patting or hugging, I would go in at 5, 10, and 15 minutes to say a few words of encouragement (You can do it baby!  Mom and Dad love you!  We are right here and we know you're going to be a great sleeper very soon!!)  The first night was the hardest.  He cried for about 30 minutes but (finally!) put himself to sleep in his crib.  He woke up twice in the middle of the night, cried for less than 5 minutes and put himself back to sleep.  I wasn't sure if this method would work because my son's crib is in our room.  But sure enough, just like the book said, he was able to do it with less crying than my first attempt.  My LO would get more agitated when I touched him to soothe him.  When I only gave him encouragement, he settled down much faster.  We are on night 7 tonight and my son is sleeping through the night and putting himself to sleep with very little protest.  

    I was so skeptical about the CIO method and all variations of it but after reading the book, I'm a believer.  On top of that, I know my son is learning an important developmental skill and I'm so proud of him!!!!

    The Sleep Easy solution is on Kindle for only $8.24.  Well worth it IMO!
  • khaalid00khaalid00
    Third Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Photogenic
    member
    edited April 2015
    It is tough being a mama 24/7 and still learning. Have you tried a white noise machine? I use the Marpac DOHM-DS, Natural White Noise. To me it sounds like a nice continuous woosh of wind, check out YouTube videos to see others take on it and what it sounds like. I like it cause it does not have annoying baby music nor nature sounds. I love the white noise machine but my husband hates it cause he thinks I am conditioning my son to get use to it. Well, it works for our baby to stay sleeping!!! Besides my husband never the one who gets up when the baby wakes randomly through the night than have to go to work full time half dazed from little sleep. Anyways, it works for me, it is safe, and the sound can be controlled. I say the white noise machine works for my son about 95% of the time in the evening during long stretch of sleep, he sleeps on a average of 11hrs. The other 5% is because of bad colds and teething that keeps him waking multiple times but that doesn't last longer than 3-4 days before he is back to sleeping normally. It took a lot of patients, sleepless nights, and dedication to get him to sleep longer without interruptions. Once in a while I find myself sleep training again when baby sleeping is thrown off track. I used the white noise machine to transition him to his crib at 2 months old and leave it on all night. Now at 10 months, I believe it calms my son back to sleep especially when he wakes a few times, and cries back to sleep less than 2 minutes. Keep sleep rountine consistent and boring as possible but loving of course. For subborn nights, my son loves me to sing twinkle twinkle little star repeadly in soft tone of voice than he is passed out cold like 5 minute or less. Singing a simple nursery rhyme works great but repeat the same verse over and over in consistent tone. Baby will like hearing your voice and helps settle down quicker. Hope that is helpful. Good luck mama(s)!
  • I also am adamantly opposed to CIO methods-- even gentle ones.


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  • Unfortunately I cannot give you any exact advice..However my friend used to have same problem with her daughter and she had to turn to a sleep training consultant to help her address that. That depends on your budget of course
  • At 9 months your baby shouldn't need the nighttime bottle, she's probably just waking up over habit.  The exact same thing was going on with our little one earlier on. We talked to our doctor about it and she recommended not feeding her at night any longer to stop the habit.     

    With that, we stopped giving a nighttime bottle at 6 months and let her cry it out.  Contrary to popular belief, our baby didn't die from crying or wake up the next morning hating and resenting her parents because we let her cry for a short period of time. After 2 nights our little one started going down for bed without a fuss and sleeps through the night for 10-11 hours, no problems.  Almost 6 months later and our LO sleeps 10-12 hours a night and if she does wake up during the middle of the night she puts herself back to sleep. 

    Don't worry about parents that freak out about letting your child cry it out.  It doesn't make you a bad parent and it doesn't harm your child.  It's mostly resented by parents who think they know better than everyone else.   
    WillyBeancataleya82AlandkeriA
  • If you really think she doesn't need the nighttime bottle, could you increase the amount in her bottles during the day? When ours stopped waking up at night we realized they always wanted more per meal during the day. So we give them an extra ounce or so, plus as much baby food as they want.

  • So, I am by no means an expert, but I can PROMISE you this: if you can force yourself to have some thick skin while sleep training, you AND BABY will be better off in the long run.

    I did sleep training with my oldest from 2-3 months and by 3 months he was sleeping through the night! BUT, that meant I had to let him cry in the process. For our second child, I HAD to go back to work (for financial reasons) when our daughter was 2-months old and I never got to sleep train her. We are paying for it now.

    So, here's what worked for me (and several of my friends as well):
    For the first 4-7 days: Let baby cry for 10 whole minutes! (I know. I know. 10 minutes is an eternity when your precious child is screaming; but, if you don't give baby a chance to learn self-soothing, you will be depriving them of a crucial coping mechanism needed for his/her whole life!)
    For each additional 3-4 days: Add 2-5 minutes to baby's "cry it out" time. (I never got past 20ish minutes with my little son.)

    Where my almost 11-month old daughter is concerned, we are back to struggling some again. I do agree with that other mom who said no hugs. Baby WILL think you are going to pick them up and it will restart the crying cycle every time. I have sat/laid on the floor next to my daughter's crib and calmly told her things like, "I'm not going to pick you up, but Mommy's right here. It's sleepy time. Lay down and go to sleep. I'm right here. Mommy's right here." She eventually calms down and will lay herself down. (And yes, those crocodile tears DO break my heart; but, I remember that if I could have sleep-trained her a long time ago, I wouldn't be sitting on the floor with her now, and that eventually, I won't have to do it anymore (with the exception of illness and teething issues.))

    As a teacher, I've seen the negative affects of too much indulgence in older children. Be careful not to let your perfectly normal and natural desire to comfort your crying child kept you from allowing baby to develop self-soothing skills. I promise both of my children still love me and want me around the next day!

    Good luck!
    KimKenKhlo
  • Baby Whisperer routine had worked for our spirited baby very well. We worked on the sleeping through the night at 4.5 months once we got her reflux medicated and in control. She's been sleeping through the night since 5 months with occasional waking if teething or she can't get herself back to sleep. But we also did a dream feed up to 8 months once she had solids down pat. I highly recommend reading the chapters on "teaching babies to sleep" and "pick up/put down" method. No CIO and you stay with baby to teach them you're not leaving them but teaching to fall asleep and back to sleep if they wake. It will take full commitment on you and your partner and some sleepless hours but worth it once she gets it! Stay with it and know it will pass. My spirited and head strong girl only took a week and she was sleeping almost 10 hrs straight through. Now at 9.5 months she sleeps 12 hours. Good luck!
    failuretofly
  • Sparky65 said:
    At 9 months your baby shouldn't need the nighttime bottle, she's probably just waking up over habit.  The exact same thing was going on with our little one earlier on. We talked to our doctor about it and she recommended not feeding her at night any longer to stop the habit.     

    With that, we stopped giving a nighttime bottle at 6 months and let her cry it out.  Contrary to popular belief, our baby didn't die from crying or wake up the next morning hating and resenting her parents because we let her cry for a short period of time. After 2 nights our little one started going down for bed without a fuss and sleeps through the night for 10-11 hours, no problems.  Almost 6 months later and our LO sleeps 10-12 hours a night and if she does wake up during the middle of the night she puts herself back to sleep. 

    Don't worry about parents that freak out about letting your child cry it out.  It doesn't make you a bad parent and it doesn't harm your child.  It's mostly resented by parents who think they know better than everyone else.   

    You can get your point and opinion across without being so passive aggressive you know?

    All pediatricians say that eating in the MOTN after 6 months old is a habit. That's what they are told to say but it's not necessarily true for all babies. There isn't a magical age.

    I'm not opposed to letting a baby cry a little while going to sleep but only after they have been fed, have a clean diaper and all their "needs" have been met but they are just tired. If my 9 month old wakes in the night and is screaming for a bottle, I would NEVER ignore her to the point that she gives up and just goes back to sleep. Believe it or not but it is possible that a 9-10 month old still needs a MOTN bottle. Do what works for your family but don't be so nasty to those that have differing opinions. It's unbecoming. Not everyone follows every single thing their pediatrician tells them to do. Instinct goes a long way with parenting.

     

    sugarbug3212
  • suelca2 said:
    So, I am by no means an expert, but I can PROMISE you this: if you can force yourself to have some thick skin while sleep training, you AND BABY will be better off in the long run. I did sleep training with my oldest from 2-3 months and by 3 months he was sleeping through the night! BUT, that meant I had to let him cry in the process. For our second child, I HAD to go back to work (for financial reasons) when our daughter was 2-months old and I never got to sleep train her. We are paying for it now. So, here's what worked for me (and several of my friends as well): For the first 4-7 days: Let baby cry for 10 whole minutes! (I know. I know. 10 minutes is an eternity when your precious child is screaming; but, if you don't give baby a chance to learn self-soothing, you will be depriving them of a crucial coping mechanism needed for his/her whole life!) For each additional 3-4 days: Add 2-5 minutes to baby's "cry it out" time. (I never got past 20ish minutes with my little son.) Where my almost 11-month old daughter is concerned, we are back to struggling some again. I do agree with that other mom who said no hugs. Baby WILL think you are going to pick them up and it will restart the crying cycle every time. I have sat/laid on the floor next to my daughter's crib and calmly told her things like, "I'm not going to pick you up, but Mommy's right here. It's sleepy time. Lay down and go to sleep. I'm right here. Mommy's right here." She eventually calms down and will lay herself down. (And yes, those crocodile tears DO break my heart; but, I remember that if I could have sleep-trained her a long time ago, I wouldn't be sitting on the floor with her now, and that eventually, I won't have to do it anymore (with the exception of illness and teething issues.)) As a teacher, I've seen the negative affects of too much indulgence in older children. Be careful not to let your perfectly normal and natural desire to comfort your crying child kept you from allowing baby to develop self-soothing skills. I promise both of my children still love me and want me around the next day! Good luck!

    You certainly are making a lot of assumptions about your students. How could you possibly know what type of indulgence they've received growing up? Wow.


     

     

    themrs83PrimRoseMama
  • leela02leela02
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    edited July 2015
    Maybe she is going through a growth spurt and is really hungry? My 9mo just spent 2 weeks waking up 2x a night to drain 8oz bottles. Now she is back to normal sttn. Usually if she wakes up for another reason (teething pain, etc) she will not take a bottle or only drink a couple ounces. She can also be feeling separation anxiety which is normal development.

    Doctors know best the medical side of things. A healthy 10mo wouldn't have a medical need to eat in the middle of the night, kind of like how I can go to bed without eating dinner. But then what often happens is that I wake up at 3am starving. If I'm tired enough I can go back to sleep eventually, but it feels so much better to just get up and eat. I don't know if that's what babies feel but that's why I am against withholding food from LO just because it's a bad time for me.

    Did your ped say it was ok to give her water? Giving babies under 1 too much water (aside from what is needed to mix formula) is unsafe. Our DD's ped allows only small amounts after she eats solids to treat constipation.

    As for sleep training, I think that decision depends on what you're comfortable with. I don't think CIO is harmful if done properly but I also grew up in a culture that bedshares and doesn't do any sleep training, and I can sleep through earthquakes. So I don't think sleep training is necessary for everyone either, it depends on your family's needs.
    colesha1secretbabaPrimRoseMamalongliveregina
  • Sparky65 said:

    At 9 months your baby shouldn't need the nighttime bottle, she's probably just waking up over habit.  The exact same thing was going on with our little one earlier on. We talked to our doctor about it and she recommended not feeding her at night any longer to stop the habit.     

    With that, we stopped giving a nighttime bottle at 6 months and let her cry it out.  Contrary to popular belief, our baby didn't die from crying or wake up the next morning hating and resenting her parents because we let her cry for a short period of time. After 2 nights our little one started going down for bed without a fuss and sleeps through the night for 10-11 hours, no problems.  Almost 6 months later and our LO sleeps 10-12 hours a night and if she does wake up during the middle of the night she puts herself back to sleep. 

    Don't worry about parents that freak out about letting your child cry it out.  It doesn't make you a bad parent and it doesn't harm your child.  It's mostly resented by parents who think they know better than everyone else.   

    No
    No
    No

    Just NO to all of this. [-(


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  • Research cortisol & effects on baby's brain. CIO can harm them if done improperly. I don't resent anyone's parenting styles, for the record. I just choose to meet my kids needs vs. Ignoring them for my own convenience. All this BS about babies "should do X by Y" like one size fits all is really uneducated.

    Also, both of my kids never CIO & they are polite little toddlers 85% of the time. So that "indulging your kid will make them brats" business is complete horse shit.

    CIO done in a controlled, caring way (not depriving them of food & ignoring their cries) can work for some babies.

    "Habits" are not a thing until much later. If a 6 month old wakes during the night they have a need. Full stop. Meet the need & they WILL calm & go back to sleep.

    Some kids just have higher needs & different needs. That doesn't make them "bad babies" it means they need their care giver.

    Also-- any attachment problems (resentment etc.) may not present as clinical pathology until 10 years old or teen years. Anxiety, depression & lack of trust-- when the brain is flooded with cortisol on a regular basis this actually changes brain chemistry. Because science.

    CIO is not inherently The Devil-- it's just like any other parenting method. It's just crazy people that mis-apply the guidelines that cause it to be a possibly harmful fixture in the kid's life.


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  • Nothing makes me more upset that a parent depriving a child of nutrition because they think they are being manipulated by a baby. It borders on abuse to me.

    Feed the kid.
    You wouldn't let them sit in a dirty diaper just to "teach them" would you? No.

    Food, clean linens & comfort/cuddling are needs just as much as sleep is. You aren't teaching them anything except "mom won't come when I need her".


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  • New studies show that it actually does harm your child
    ciennah99failuretofly
  • Sparky65 said:

    At 9 months your baby shouldn't need the nighttime bottle, she's probably just waking up over habit.  The exact same thing was going on with our little one earlier on. We talked to our doctor about it and she recommended not feeding her at night any longer to stop the habit.     

    With that, we stopped giving a nighttime bottle at 6 months and let her cry it out.  Contrary to popular belief, our baby didn't die from crying or wake up the next morning hating and resenting her parents because we let her cry for a short period of time. After 2 nights our little one started going down for bed without a fuss and sleeps through the night for 10-11 hours, no problems.  Almost 6 months later and our LO sleeps 10-12 hours a night and if she does wake up during the middle of the night she puts herself back to sleep. 

    Don't worry about parents that freak out about letting your child cry it out.  It doesn't make you a bad parent and it doesn't harm your child.  It's mostly resented by parents who think they know better than everyone else.   

    There are proven effects of doing this to your child you need to meet their needs and form a bond do not leave them crying
  • allfrosty said:
    New studies show that it actually does harm your child

    There is literally a study for everything. And most related to sleep training are full of scare tactics and extremes. Letting your baby cry for a short period of time is not going to screw them up. And besides, even if my kids do turn out to be awful adults, do I blame letting them cry at 9 months old for a couple nights or should I blame drinking formula, vaccines, laundry detergent or GMO laden foods? HOW DO I KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT!!!!

    Sleep training is the easiest thing to do and is over before you know it. Then everyone is happy and sleeping well. People need to chill. There are bigger problems in this world to worry about.

     

  • Thank you for this nice reply. Its helpful and not judgmental. I can't stand the thought of hearing my son cry that long at night but I am slowly losing it not sleeping. Thanks again awesome mom!
  • Our child needed one bottle around 4 am until 13 months and occasionally for the next month. Feed your baby!

    This is an old thread by the way. :)
  • edited March 2016
    I have similar issues with my 8 month old, and, therefore, she sleeps on me every night! :( I've heard a lot of good things about the dockatot but I haven't tried it yet. Maybe look into it...

    If you feel like it, you can read about my fun at www.buildingmomentousmoments.blogspot.com
  • ohlim said:
    My son recently turned 10 months and we started sleep training about a week ago.  This isn't the first time we've tried but it's the first time we've had success!  I tried a variation of CIO the first time. (Put baby to bed awake but drowsy and wait 5 minutes, come in soothe him by patting him or giving him a hug then leave for 10 minutes, come back and soothe, then out again for 15 and so on.  That went on for 2hrs and I just couldn't take it anymore.  He was not calming down whatsoever and I was afraid he was getting too worked up so I stopped that.  That was at 7 months.)  I thought for sure I am not an advocate of CIO.  I hated hearing my son cry, it just broke my heart!!!  For several weeks, my son wouldn't sleep in his crib.  He wanted to sleep in bed with mom and dad and we were so tired we let him.  I knew this couldn't last forever.
    Now at 10 months I found a book called the Sleep Easy Solution.  The method is very much like CIO with the exception of the soothing method.  Sleep Easy explains that patting or hugging gives baby the impression that you will pick them up and it gets them confused when you don't which in turn makes them cry more.  Instead of soothing with patting or hugging, I would go in at 5, 10, and 15 minutes to say a few words of encouragement (You can do it baby!  Mom and Dad love you!  We are right here and we know you're going to be a great sleeper very soon!!)  The first night was the hardest.  He cried for about 30 minutes but (finally!) put himself to sleep in his crib.  He woke up twice in the middle of the night, cried for less than 5 minutes and put himself back to sleep.  I wasn't sure if this method would work because my son's crib is in our room.  But sure enough, just like the book said, he was able to do it with less crying than my first attempt.  My LO would get more agitated when I touched him to soothe him.  When I only gave him encouragement, he settled down much faster.  We are on night 7 tonight and my son is sleeping through the night and putting himself to sleep with very little protest.  

    I was so skeptical about the CIO method and all variations of it but after reading the book, I'm a believer.  On top of that, I know my son is learning an important developmental skill and I'm so proud of him!!!!

    The Sleep Easy solution is on Kindle for only $8.24.  Well worth it IMO!
    I used this book too!  It worked for my son as well.  My son is 9 months and we did this training at 6 months because he was waking up every hour to snack.  He still needs one feeding each night but it's much better than every hour.   I will continue to use this book throughout as his sleep patterns change 
  • When u put her down at 8 is she awake? So with my son,  i was completely not intentionally always putting him down asleep, because he'd just zonk out with his last bottle.  Then he'd wake up through out the night, and we'd feed him or bring him to bed because we were so tired.  Queue the irritated pediatrician.... 

    Well recently,  that bottle stopped knocking him out and I realized my baby can't self soothe,  he's never had to. 

    We just started CIO,  pure hell,  but it seems to be working.  We're only on day 3, but already we've gotten away from the night feeding, and the crying is down to around 8 minutes from the initial hour for the bedtime,  and only 3 minutes or so if he wakes in the middle of the night. 

    I never wanted to do it,  but nothing else was working. 
  • @bumpadmin zombie thread. 

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  • Right here with you momma. We had some long stretches around 4 months. Then nothing for awhile. At her 9 month ped said try not to feed her in middle of night. Since she was waking at 12 and 4 religiously and I just was feeding her to get her to go back to bed, last week I didn't feed her at 12 for 2 nights, took a lot of rocking and sleeping in guest room with her for a few hours for her to sleep. She does same thing as soon as i put her in crib. But after 2 nights she stopped waking up at 12 and was sleeping 8-4! That was good for about a week, and now the past two nights she woke up at 2 and 6 (like it shifted back or something). I tried to hold out at 2 last night but she wouldn't even settle after I put her in my bed. So then I fed her. Hope she won't be up again tonight ah!
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