Struggling with weight gain?

bgriest

So please be nice! I've tried to talk to my fiancé and family and friends about this but I don't think anyone really gets it or takes it seriously.

I am having a hard time with the fact that I have to gain weight. Like, a REALLY hard time with it. I've always weighed myself first thing in the morning wearing the same thing to accurately keep track of weight gain or loss. Pre-pregnancy I was 167 and this morning I was 170. I literally wanted to cry and had instant anxiety. It gets worse with every pound I gain.

Before I go further let me explain a little more. I used to always be thin and athletic and around 130. I'm only 5'3. About 7 years ago I gained a lot of weight when I found out that I was pregnant and miscarried at the same time that I found out my then boyfriend got another girl pregnant who decided to get an abortion. She was even kind enough to send me a message that said "it's a good thing god didn't want you to have that child." For stupid reasons I stayed with my ex although began eating a lot and my weight ballooned. It steadily kept rising over the years. Last January I reached my highest weight ever at 192 and decided that I needed to do something about it. I was miserable and hating myself and taking it out on my fiancé. So, I started working on losing weight last January and my fiancé did it with me too. I got all the way down to 163 by this past fall. I had lost 30 pounds! Felt great! Was much happier.

I found out I was pregnant in the fall and gained weight up to 167. I then found out I miscarried again in November and it was the holidays so I just ate everything in sight and gained a few more pounds putting me at 172.

In January I recommited to losing weight and at the time I found out I was pregnant again I was fluctuating between 166 and 167.

I know gaining weight is essential for a healthy baby. I think I just didn't expect to gain weight in the first trimester. Being 12 weeks and having already gained 3 pounds totally freaks me out and I feel like a complete fat ass and gross.

I broke down today and texted my fiancé and told him has disgusting and fat I feel. He responded saying that I'm not fat and that I'm beautiful and that the little one needs it's nutrients so he doesn't want me to skip eating if I'm hungry.

I just feel so frustrated and confused. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that it's okay to gain weight. I just feel very alone. Also like I may have an eating disorder because of these feelings. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I just worked so hard to lose 30 pounds in the past year and now I have to find a way to be okay with putting that 30 pounds back on. I feel like since I've already gained 3 pounds at 12 weeks that I'm going to end up gaining like 50 total.

Also being 4 pounds heavier in the afternoon (when my doctor's appointments tend to be) than I am in the morning is throwing me for a loop.

I'm hoping I don't get flames for this. I just didn't know if anyone else out there is struggling too that can maybe relate.

nsaid4u

I'm not exactly sure what the right thing to say to you is, besides just telling you what's on my mind. I understand exactly where you're coming from as for myself, keeping my body in a healthy weight is an everyday commitment. However, I think you just need to get yourself in the frame of mind that it is essential to being pregnant and growing healthy baby that you gain weight. If you kind of just get yourself knowing that you probably can again about 30 pounds and wrap your head around that, knowing that the majority of it will be gone after the first 6 weeks after you have the baby. I would only suggest that you don't go crazy with food, still try to eat healthy and smaller portions like when you were losing weight and trying to exercise at least 30 minutes. Really focus on making a healthy baby okay.I am pregnant now with my fourth baby and with the last three, I gained 30 to 40 pounds each pregnancy and was able to fit back into my regular skinny jeans after 6 weeks because I didn't go nuts with ice cream and Chinese food while I was pregnant.

as for feeling disgusting and fat, this is the part of the pregnancy where our waists are all widening but we may not exactly look pregnant yet, just sticker, so I understand the feeling that part. As for that stuff it will go away because soon you are going to feel and look pregnant. In the meantime to feel better about yourself I would definitely suggest getting some cute maternity clothes, even if you might not need them yet they're absolutely comfortable and you don't feel like you're squishing into your pre-pregnancy pants :-) other than that, when you're feeling ok take some time to do your hair pretty, or paint your nails, or do a little makeup. even go for a pedicure or a manicure if you have the extra cash. Or get a girlfriend to do it for you.I know most of us feel yucky right now but I feel a lot better about myself when my hair and makeup is done.

Oh..and one more tip :-) I suggest that you do not weigh yourself and do not look at the numbers on the scale when you go to the doctors office, let the nurse look at it and write it down.. There is a small chance that they would even mention your weight to you and in your case it's possibly better that you don't know. As long as you are getting in some exercise daily and making sure you're eating healthy I don't feel you need to be checking your weight all the time

cc47033

Confession time... I struggle with the same thoughts that you do. I'm freaking out about the same thing. I lost 30 pounds 2 years ago and have worked very hard to keep at a healthy weight that I am happy with. Now I feel like I'll be starting back at square one with even less time to focus on getting back to my "happy weight." I don't know what the answer is. I know how much weight I would ideally like to put on (it's a healthy number my doctor gave me) but of course ideal and reality are 2 different things! I don't know what the answer is, but I think it's best to keep transparent. Be honest with your doctor so that they can reassure you about healthy weight gain. Be honest with you fiancé and let him support you. Know that you're not the only one struggling with this. Mane it would be a good idea to look into counseling. This is such an emotional time already, it might be helpful to have a professional's help to guide you.

In regards to your doctor's scale, ignore the number. I go by my scale at home since I know my weight will fluctuate in the afternoon (and I weigh myself naked!!) I feel like you're always heavier on a doctor's scale!! The nurse even called it an "evil scale."

I hope this makes you feel better and not so alone...

Dreamingmommy4

I agree with what PP said. I'm sorry you are struggling with this, I don't personally struggle with this, but it's never fun when we don't feel good about our bodies. And she's right, you are going to have to put yourself into the mindset that weight gain is important, but remember it's only short term! It's ok that you are up 3lbs. Because honestly, it's probably mostly water weight. Just keep eating healthy and working out to keep you and baby healthy and fit, and aim for the weight gain window of 25-35lbs. Actually I got this journal at my OB office that breaks down all the different things that add up to pregnancy weight and it's really cool because it makes you realize there is a purpose to the weight and that it's not just fat (because really, most of it isn't).

So my journal says: Where does your weight gain go? (Remember these are rough estimates and could be more or less in each category depending on mom and baby.)

~Baby: 7-8lbs

~Placenta: 1-2lbs.

~Amniotic fluid: 2lbs

~Breasts: 1lb (most definitely more in some cases)

~Uterus: 2lbs

~Increased blood volume: 3lbs (this one is crazy to me!)

~Body fat: 5 or more lbs (you need this to carry a healthy baby and for breastfeeding after having baby)

~Increased muscle tissue and fluid: 4-7lbs

~Total: about 25 lbs

I hope that this breakdown gives you as much peace of mind as it gave me. And remember that having a baby means we have to make sacrifices, even if only for a short while. The sacrifice I made to have my first and now this one, is the health of my veins. I was already genetically predisposed to varicose veins, but pregnancy has accelerated the process and this Novmeber at the age of 24 I will undergo my first vein surgery/treatment plan to remove one that has caused me lots of pain. This typically doesn't happen until your 50s. The weight you will gain during pregnancy will all be worth it once you hold your sweet baby in your arms. And remember, there is no weight loss plan like nursing a baby and then trying to keep up with them as they get mobile! Good luck and remember that this is why this community is here. We support each other through things no one else understands. Good luck momma!

anorthro

I feel the same way. I've always been pretty athletic and thin. Right before I found out I am pregnant I had put on enough weight that my clothes were starting to get too tight. I started to diet to lose a few pounds. Then I found out I am pregnant. I know I need to gain weight but I put on a lot of weight (~13 pounds) in the first trimester and it has me feeling very nervous. I don't have much advice only to say that eat when you need to. Your body will tell you if its hungry and what it needs. Don't go overboard with junk food. And know that you're not alone.

anorthro

Also, what previous folks said about not weighing yourself and coming to terms with the weight gain. It's ok. It's going to happen. And it's going to come off again if you want it too!

AE15

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. I lost 30 pounds 12 years ago and have worked every day since to keep it off. However, I don't deprive myself of anything. I just follow an "everything in moderation" mindset -- both with food and exercise. I cannot keep up my level of exercise during pregnancy due to a blood clot/SCH, but I have tried to do about 30 minutes of walking or light elliptical almost everyday. I'm 11w4d and up 3.5 pounds. I wish I was up less, but it is what it is. I eat what I feel like my body needs. Some days that's fruit, some days that's banana bread. ;-) What I focus on when I worry about weight gain is the fact that -- if I have lost 30 pounds before, I can do it again (after the baby comes). You've already been able to do it once before. Focus on that! For now, eat what you need to nourish your baby, move around a little bit, and maybe seek nutritonal counseling if you feel it's all too overwhelming. Best of luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy and beyond!

Leabyrd

Same boat here! I'm only 10 weeks and up 7 pounds already. I exercised everyday before getting pregnant and continue to do so. I recently gained more weight since my morning sickness got worse- salty snacks really help I am so nervous that at this rate I'll be up 60 pounds by the time I deliver! I think we all have our struggles but if you find yourself focusing more on your weight than the health and excitement of your baby you may want to reach out to someone who can offer you help (whether that's a professional or a family member). I am giving the same advise I am trying to give myself- exercise when you can,eat as healthy as possible, listen to your body, don't feel guilty giving in sometimes, and be kind to yourself!

rue:D

I'm frustrated too! I lost almost 40 pounds on WW back in 2013. We had our meetings at work and then had to stop, and I slowly gained back about half of the weight into 2014. A few months went by and I knew I needed to get back on track, but I had a friend coming to visit for two weeks earlier this year so I committed to starting WW again after she left. Right before she left, I found out I was pregnant.

I know we have to gain some weight during pregnancy, but if you're overweight to begin with you likely don't need to gain as much. I would have a frank talk with your doctor about how much you realistically need to gain and how quickly (for example, a half pound a week) and just try to focus on not gaining more than that. That way you feel like you're somewhat in control, at least, which is probably what's causing a lot of the anxiety in the first place. I want to have the same discussion with my doctor tomorrow. I'm hoping to not have to gain more than my highest pre-pregnancy weight.

hammy_711

It might really help to speak to a nutritionist or therapist about your feeling on gaining weight.  I struggle with the idea of gaining weight too (this is my second pregnancy).  Try focusing on eating healthy and not going overboard.  At this point, you don't need a bunch of extra calories, but try to make them count with nutritious food.  They say normal weight gain for the first trimester is 5 lbs and then 1 lb a week after that.  Another thing to consider is that if you plan on breastfeeding, that takes a huge amount of calories and will help you drop the post-baby weight quickly.  Regardless, I'm sure you know the stats and what is normal because if you're like me you're obsessed with researching this info.  Since your weight will fluctuate even more than normal with the bloat, water retention, constipation...pick your favorite symptom...try weighing yourself each morning and focus on your weekly average instead of day-to-day stats.  This is a better picture of your true weight gain.  Good luck and really consider talking with a professional as you want to make sure you are doing what's best for the baby.  

MamaOwl15

I completely understand how you feel. I'm 5'2" and I was 166 when I found out I was pregnant with my son. I'm now 188. So as for gaining, the idea terrifies me!

I went crazy with eating whatever when I found out I was expecting my son, and gained 60 lbs by the end. I'm determined not to do that this time.

I have been eating really healthy most of the time, except for some Easter candy, and I've been walking 2-3 miles several days a week. So far I'm 13 weeks and I lost 3-4 lbs and gained that back but otherwise maintained. My advice is to eat as well as you can and stay active, and don't worry about gaining some weight. 3 lbs in the first trimester is fine. You're still on track to not over-gain, and you said you've lost 30 lbs recently. You can do it again!
You may even find yourself down 20 lbs or so the first two weeks after baby arrives. Between baby, the placenta, extra blood, and water weight, a lot comes off right away.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know you're most certainly not alone. Just don't let your fears get in the way of being healthy for your baby.

Peatree26845

I know where you're coming from. I was just staring to get back to good habits and was losing weight when I found out I was pregnant. The hard thing is my hubby is continuing to lose weight while I grow bigger and everyone is commenting about it (we haven't told anyone yet)

I actually lost weight but am waaaay bigger. I'm trying to make healthy choices and go for walks. Also I am hoping that breast feeding will help me get back to the right size. It did for the other girls in my fam. They were actually smaller than they were pre-baby after breast feeding. Fingers crossed

poupoule

Sorry to hear many of you feel that way
Let's go back in time, 7 years ago I lost 30 pounds and started boulimia (eating too much, bad food, and vomitting afterward). I lost my periods completely, and the simple idea of having to eat more and gain weight to get them back made me cry. It had been so hard to get where I was. I started dating someome who helped me being more confident in my body but it did not help that much, until one year and a half ago.
I discovered all the fruit/ vegan eater community online and it helped me reconnect to my body. After one year on this lifestyle I got my period back, stopped the birth control and got pregnant a month later !! It is a long distance run. Your daily lifestyle will determine how your body will be in 10 years, not in 3 months. Eat healthy, eat what your body wants and needs and do not feel guilty. You are having a baby and you are growing a life inside you, it is just amazing it made me wake up at 3am the last two nights for a banana snack, but I personally am on a cloud. I feel that if my body is gaining weight, it has its reason and wil balance itself naturly, I stopped using a scale for the last year, except at the doctor.

My advice is see the long term, listen and trust your body, give it healthy food and never feel frustrated.
I can recommend Freelee videos & others on youtube

casserole27

I haven't read all the comments so sorry if this is redundant. Just wanted to share this chart since it helped me. It shows how much of your weight gain is actually other stuff beside fat. Every woman is different of course but it's helpful to know weight gain is caused by multiple things changing in the body, it's not all fat.

It's ok to feel how you feel, I grew up with an unhappily overweight mother so have always been terrified of being overweight and what might happen during and after pregnancy. I'm just trying to remember that this isn't about me but the baby... it helps but is hard. As women who are human our bodies will fluctuate throughout our lives the trick is learning to love yourself at all sizes. It's definitely hard and I'm working on it too.

przemosbabe

I haven't read the comments but I feel the same way. But you don't have to gain a ton of weigh during pregnancy. I know a lot of girls who gained 20 pounds and most of that is baby, water and placenta. It's over indulging which a lot of women do while pregnant. I have always been thin my whole life weighing no more than 120. I gained 20 pounds from a steroid I had to take to become pregnant and stay pregnant and I am not happy at all. A I am trying to work that off by exercising every day for an hour. Nothing to over exert myself but just staying active will help to not gain anymore weight except for the baby weight. So far I have no food cravings or a desire to eat more. I'm the same as I always have been. Any what you're not alone. Just exercise and don't overeat and you will be ok.

bgriest

Thank you everyone for your kind responses! It made me feel better to know that I'm not the only one out there with these thoughts and feelings.

I've made sure to keep up with eating meals and small snacks whenever I am hungry. I would never skip a meal just to not gain weight, pregnant or not! But even more so now because if I don't eat when I'm hungry I get very nauseous.

I think a lot of my worry comes from the fact that before I got pregnant for the past year all I've eaten is protein, lean meats and veggies. No carbs or junk. Basically if it was processed and/or I couldn't grow it or kill it, I didn't eat it. Now I can't stomach anything healthy for me. It makes me sick to my stomach to even look at it. The only things I want are carbs and junk. I'm really hoping that as I get further into the pregnancy that I can resume normal and healthy eating.

Exercise has been tough due to extreme fatigue. I sleep from 9pm-7am and work 8:30-5 at a desk job. Then I get home from work and nap while my fiancé makes dinner.

I'm hoping being healthy gets easier in the next few weeks!

It also definitely helps to keep in mind baby weight, blood weight, placenta weight, etc.

StephN310

Continue to eat healthily and exercise. You will gain weight with pregnancy but if you continue with your good habits the weight will come off easily and you will feel better after the baby is born. It is preparing for the weight loss after baby so really you are still being active in your goals.

If you are not eating enough the fetus will steal from you so it doesn't starve. If you don't eat well you will not feel well, physically.

AE15

I hear you on having a hard time finding time to exercise with a full time job and then shear exhaustion afterwards. My one thought is: when, I worked a full time desk job, I used to go for a 30-minute walk during my lunch break. Are you able to do something like that?