When is it ok? — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

When is it ok?

Hey there ladies,
Here's my story- I am 18 years old and I have a daughter born with wings. She was born still at 37 weeks on March 5th.
So, here's my question- We were told it's best to wait 6months-1year before we try again, has anyone had an extreme urge to try again before then? If so, what did you do about it? :-S O:-)

Re: When is it ok?

  • First off, I am deeply sorry about the stillbirth. I literally cannot imagine what you're going through so my heart and prayers goes out to you.. 

    But to answer your question, I miscarried naturally at 6 weeks (baby measured at 5weeks 1 day) and when the bleeding stopped about 5 days later, me and my partner have been intimate trying again. I didn't want to wait exactly, but my doctor hasn't told me anything about it yet. I am already trying since I had regular periods before I got pregnant so I am thinking I will ovulate pretty soon. 

    Do what your gut tells you but since you was already very far into the pregnancy, if I was you, I would wait awhile to grieve and to get my body ready before it happens again. But until then, use protection, let your body heal...

    And again, sorry for your loss.
  • edited April 2015
    Your body and your heart both need time to heal. The overwhelming need to be pregnant again is part of the grief process. It's best to understand that and slow down. What you have been through is an awful trauma, and you should stop and deal with it before trying again. Talk to a grief counselor, your hospital should have one on staff, or be able to refer you to one. The death of a child is overwhelming and you never truly heal, but you will get to a better, more stable place, and it is vitally important that you do so before getting pregnant again. Being pregnant after a loss is it's own stressful battle, and you shouldn't try it before you are strong enough to take it.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.


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  • I too am deeply sorry for your loss. I have been reading all sorts of recommendations to wait too and I tend to disagree. I miscarried 5 weeks ago and we're already trying. They say to wait at least until you have your first period again, but I couldn't wait that long. Everyone is different, of course, but part of the healing for me has been in being hopeful for the future. I am still sad at times, but it's easier to put my energy into hoping than lingering on what could have been. I say go for it if you want to. Your body will heal and it won't allow you to get pregnant until it's ready.
  • I miscarried last night, and i'm already at that point were i refuse to dwell on it ( i was only 7 weeks) and want to focus on the future. I agree with the above PP that our bodies will do there thing when their ready. I don't see the harm in enjoying the trying :)
  • Im so sorry for what happend !
    My doctor said you can try after you get your next period ..
    I guess you ladies are right by saying your body wil do when youre body is ready !
  • I agree with MrsGargoyle and 1stbambino. While most early miscarriages are not very damaging, it is not the same as having a full term stillbirth. At 37 weeks you are going thru labor and delivery not just heavy bleeding and cramping to pass the baby. Your body needs time to heal and recuperate. Your doctor isn't telling you to wait out of cruelty or because you need time to deal with the loss emotionally.(although grieving is a very legitimate reason to wait too) you need to wait because trying again this soon could be dangerous to your health and the health of the child you may conceive. I understand the desire to have a child and coupling that with the tremendous loss certainly leaves a hole in your heart. Trying to fill that hole by getting pregnant again too soon won't help the pain go away. More than likely it will make things worse. Take the time to heal both emotionally and physically... And please listen to your doctor!
  • Seriously, please follow what your DOCTOR tells you to do.  I capitalized the word doctor to emphasize that the doctor is the only one qualified to tell you when you can try to conceive again.

    First Pregnancy
    • BFP: 01/25/2015
    • EDD: 09/28/2015
    • Incomplete MC: 02/28/2015

    Second Pregnancy

    • BFP: 09/11/2015
    • EDD: 05/25/2016
    Baby Born

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