Daddy drama - anyone have some insight?

mes3pippo

I am six weeks and three days pregnant, and it was unexpected. I was not in a very serious relationship, but things happen. When I first told the father he was surprised; needed a few days to take everything in. He did, and our next conversation was very productive and positive.

He then got confused about how they calculate the weeks of pregnancy. I was exactly five weeks when I told him, but according to him "we only saw each other three weeks ago". I broke the weeks down for him and he then said he wasn't going to take any action until we had a paternity test done. So I found a prenatal one (just using blood samples), let him know and it's been radio silence ever since. He lives in a different state, so I rely mostly on my phone to get in touch with him. No takers though. I've given him updates about my health and the progression of the pregnancy so far. Thanks to read receipt, if I send him a message I know he reads it. He has a beautiful family that I wouldn't want this baby to miss out on.

Anyone faced something similar? This has me feeling a bit down.

LushC

:lurking:

I've never experienced something similar so I don't have first hand advice to offer but I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry that your going through this.

I think it's great that you're sending him updates and keeping him informed despite the radio silence. Perhaps this could be beneficial to you later if you ever have to prove that you've done your best to keep the lines of communication open.

Stay strong and maybe reach out to family and friends to build or improve your support system. I'd also check out the single parents board. Maybe someone there can give you much better advice.

ETA: wording

rrr222

I'm sorry you're going through this too! Hang in there - a lot changes for guys when they actually meet their child. Is there a way for you to let his family know? Introducing yourself or inviting them to baby shower? I know you said it's a different state, but you mentioned he has a nice family.

Maybe they would be happy to welcome a new baby and give him the encouragement he needs.

No matter what happens just know it's not your responsibility to make the father be there.

Have you asked him to come to any major appointments? Maybe ask if he wants to come to find out if it's a boy or girl. Or to talk to the doctors about the conception date? That might help

greenbeanqueen

By a beautiful family do you mean his parents or that he has other children?

Also, honey his radio silence probably means that he doesnt want a part in this baby's life. There is a good chance that you stalking his "beautiful family" and forcing yourself into his life will only make things worse. Continue to send him updates, but dont be surprised if he doesn't respond. He may not be ready for this commitment or maybe he is afraid to lose his "beautiful family" over a fling's love child.

As long as your baby has a mother who loves it he/she will be ok even if this guy doesn't want a part in its life. Who knows, maybe you can find a man who wants a good relationship who is willing to be a father to your child down the road.

Good luck...

urani

mes3pippo said:

I am six weeks and three days pregnant, and it was unexpected. I was not in a very serious relationship, but things happen. When I first told the father he was surprised; needed a few days to take everything in. He did, and our next conversation was very productive and positive. He then got confused about how they calculate the weeks of pregnancy. I was exactly five weeks when I told him, but according to him "we only saw each other three weeks ago". I broke the weeks down for him and he then said he wasn't going to take any action until we had a paternity test done. So I found a prenatal one (just using blood samples), let him know and it's been radio silence ever since. He lives in a different state, so I rely mostly on my phone to get in touch with him. No takers though. I've given him updates about my health and the progression of the pregnancy so far. Thanks to read receipt, if I send him a message I know he reads it. He has a beautiful family that I wouldn't want this baby to miss out on. Anyone faced something similar? This has me feeling a bit down.

Please look into hiring a lawyer if you haven't already.

TreasureTrooper

Drama is the worst.    And, unfortunately, a lot of men are not REAL men.  They are just boys who can shave.  We live in a culture in which people are scared to take responsibility and put in the hard work.  We're a society of blame-shifters and handout receivers.  I'm not trying to cause you to lose hope, but focus on YOU during this pregnancy.  There are a lot of wonderful memories that you can have during these special months with your baby.  Don't let all the memories be full of bitterness & frustration. 

2-Step

I would probably send him a message asking him point blank if he is:

1. Interested in being a part of the baby's life and wants to take the paternity test

2. Needs some time to come to terms with this, but would like to stay in contact

3. Not interested and would rather not be associated with the baby at all

I would then say that if he doesn't respond you will assume that his choice is number 3 and you won't contact him again. Tell him you need to know this because you need to plan and create a support system for yourself and the baby. Be matter of fact about it, don't get emotional and save all of your correspondence. Then hire a lawyer. 

ETA: On second thought you might want to say something like- you won't reach out to him with updates during the pregnancy instead of that you won't contact him again. You will probably need to contact him if you would like to get child support so I wouldn't say anything about never talking to him again.