Things I didn't know as a FTM...

lindsladle15

I felt pretty prepared as a FTM since I had sisters much younger than me and had young foster kids around me while growing up....but alas! Stuff surprised me!
What did you not know that you'd like to pass on??

I had no idea that after the baby was born, she wouldn't need to start nursing every 2-3 hrs immediately because their bellies are minuscule! After the nurses informed me, I had two nights of blissful (as blissful as hospital sleep can be) sleep, not worrying about my babe in the nursery.
P.S. If the baby can go to the nursery during the night at the hospital, DH and I HIGHLY recommend it!! Get caught up a bit on sleep! The baby will be fine.

fivesgirl

I knew nothing about breastfeeding.  I thought it would be a walk in the park, just the most natural, instinctive thing.  The first two weeks were awful, I didn't know how often to feed, the nurses had me supplementing in the hospital with a syringe of formula so I kept doing that at home but I didn't know if I was doing enough. I think Mason starved those first two weeks until I went to full formula so he would stop crying. 

I also thought that one of us had to be awake all night in case he woke up, once I realized I could sleep while he slept, life got much better. 

I didn't know I would have no bladder control...when we got home we were changing a diaper and my son peed all over my husband, I laughed and peed all over myself, there was no stopping it as much as I tried.  Looking back now, it's all kind of funny. 

hswan26

That gallstones are pretty common and excruciatingly painful. Talk about a brutal surprise

And that there is a formula that helps with colic. Our DD was colic for 10 months!

Mommaswizz

I love reading these as a FTM! Keep 'em coming!

taboullio84

They don't play with cute toys... They are like animals . they chew shirts and lent of the floor and will find boxes to call their own. Lol

seesea

I didn't realize how hard it is to breastfeed. My goal was to make it to one year. I figured breastfeeding is something that should come naturally. Then I had some complications like plugged ducts, mastitis and an abscess that had to be surgically removed. It was a horrifying experience. So I educated myself, stayed motivated and set smaller goals by telling myself to try to get through it a week at a time. Eventually DS self weaned around 18months. I nursed during this pregnancy and made it past a year!

Breastfeeding was so difficult at first but once I got through all those hurdles, it's like the BEST thing in the world! I look forward to breastfeeding baby#2. For FTM that want to breastfeed, I highly suggest taking classes before having the baby. Also, lactation consultants are your friends!

mrs1374a

I'm with the Pp's. I did not know how hard and painful breastfeeding would be. I would suggest taking a class before your baby is born if you plan to nurse. The pain doesn't last forever but it was really hard for me. I was able to nurse until my DD waned herself at 15 months. So see a lactation constant once your baby is here and don't give up

lovethatcolosun

I didn't realize that you bleed for about five weeks after birth. I thought if would never stop!

I also thought my transition into motherhood would be easier. I was not mentally prepared for the shift to SAHM. I missed my co-workers, adult conversation, and oddly enough the workplace drama. I think this contributed to my PPD. Which leads me to discuss this lovely condition...don't be too proud to admit that you might have it or the "baby blues." It wasn't until I started to talk about it that I started to feel better. That and getting out of the house to get sunshine and exercise. This time I'm ingesting my placenta (capsule form). Research shows it helps dramatically, so I'm going to give it a shot.

Meet up with other moms with same age tots. Going to story time for babies at the library was my ticket. I met one mom, went to a few play dates with her and met more moms from there. She met other moms in her breast feeding support group and neighbors. It was my saving grace. We met up about once a week. It was great socialization for DS, adult conversation, and it was always something to look forward to.

virginiaunicorn11

@lovethatcolosun did you keep a balance of your regular friends and your "new mom" friends? I ask because I already feel like I am missing my "regular" friends and getting closer to pregnant friends who weren't as close before... And while it's really nice to have that camaraderie, it also depresses me a bit that my friends are already fading out. Every time people tell me to join a Mommy group, I die a little inside...

devyns2nd

Babies are GROSS!! I didn't know my sweet beautiful daughter could make me vomit outside the womb. You see other people's kids spit up or have poop diapers but what you miss is nights baby has a big nasty poop and mom has to spray them down before touching them and days spent covered in puke or snot or whatever yucks sweet baby produces that day. diarrhea is always fun too, Especially when your LO is mobile and you have to follow the liquid trail to a wonderful squishy baby that's all smiles and clueless to what's leaking out of them. I was so unprepared for the mess and its funny now how many times I thought oh my gosh what do I do now. I love my sweet girl and I love telling her those nasty stories now.

seesea

@devyns2nd oh yeah. I almost forgot about that! They are so gross! I totally LOL'd reading your post. Ugh. The poopy blowouts and the projectile vomit.

They're still so cute though

TheEA

I found out that there is something called PP Thyroiditus. I had it but didn't know it. I went in for an annual physical and my thyroid levels were crazy off. I thought I was going crazy but it turns out that this is something that isn't too uncommon. It usually shows up around 4 months after you give birth. Your thyroid basically gets confused and your levels go from extremely high to extremely low like a pendulum. They eventually go back to normal. My symptoms were forgetfulness, pretty severe depression, thinning hair, insomnia, dry skin, rapid weight loss, and loss of appetite (hence the weight loss).

karaelaine1991

TheEA said:

I found out that there is something called PP Thyroiditus. I had it but didn't know it. I went in for an annual physical and my thyroid levels were crazy off. I thought I was going crazy but it turns out that this is something that isn't too uncommon. It usually shows up around 4 months after you give birth. Your thyroid basically gets confused and your levels go from extremely high to extremely low like a pendulum. They eventually go back to normal. My symptoms were forgetfulness, pretty severe depression, thinning hair, insomnia, dry skin, rapid weight loss, and loss of appetite (hence the weight loss).

One of my friends has this! She's had 3 kids and hers has been so bad that her doctor actually recommended getting her thyroid removed because they thought she actually had cancer. So scary!

mccall35

That I honestly do know more about my baby than my mother, grandmother, MIL, everyone else in the world. It can be tempting to look to others in those first few weeks, months, years, but believe me, life is much much easier if you do what feels right for you and your little family! Spoiler alert: everyone you talk to will give you the "best advice", most of which will be conflicting. Trust your instincts, you really do got this!

lovethatcolosun

amark11 said:

@lovethatcolosun did you keep a balance of your regular friends and your "new mom" friends? I ask because I already feel like I am missing my "regular" friends and getting closer to pregnant friends who weren't as close before... And while it's really nice to have that camaraderie, it also depresses me a bit that my friends are already fading out. Every time people tell me to join a Mommy group, I die a little inside...

I still have most of my original friends, only a few faded away. I just see them less. The ones I see on a weekly basis are the moms with tots that are my DS age. For me these moms were my life line. We had pretty much the same schedules, understood if we needed to interrupt plans because of a child, and had no hard feelings because of such, and could totally relate to what I was going through. My old friends are still so much fun to hang out with because I don't feel like "mom" when I'm with them. Believe me, girls nights and happy hours are still a regular thing. It's all about a balance.

TheEA

I'm glad your friend didn't have cancer. PP Thyroiditus is no joke! All of the symptoms I listed were to the extreme. It was very rough and I couldn't do anything about it because I was breastfeeding. Even if I would have been able to take meds it's hard to get the dosage right because your levels change.

mommalombardi

I learned that sometimes your birth plan does not go the way you think. You prepare for labor and are scared out of your mind..only to find out your water broke..you haven't dilated and it's going on 24 hrs and they want the baby out because of risk of infection. So there I was scared and getting a csection. I did not know how much it would make me sad..and not feel like a real mom. It affected everything from breast feeding to bonding. Looking back yes, I most likely had ppd but I didn't get help. I wish I would have! Oh and did you know not every child likes a swing?? I thought that was like a rule..that every baby loved swings. Nope my first hated it! I ended up selling it lol

AlyLynn07

I didn't realize how emotional and completely neurotic I would be in those first few weeks. I also expected to have an instant bond with baby the moment he was born, but it took a bit of time.

ElRuby

Totally agree with PPs about breastfeeding..... It is hard and exhausting! And even if I pumped a bottle I had to wake up to pump or feed again or I felt like my boobs would explode! I would get irrationally crazed when a well meaning friend or family member suggested DH take over the night feeding so I could sleep.... Yeah ok let me just give him my boobs to take with him!

taboullio84

ElRuby said:

Totally agree with PPs about breastfeeding..... It is hard and exhausting! And even if I pumped a bottle I had to wake up to pump or feed again or I felt like my boobs would explode! I would get irrationally crazed when a well meaning friend or family member suggested DH take over the night feeding so I could sleep.... Yeah ok let me just give him my boobs to take with him!

Even if you did pump a bottle earlier for a feeding.. You'd have to pump while he's feeding the baby or your boobs would explode lol

laurendutch

If you plan on breastfeeding, don't plan to lay on your stomach. Unless you want to wake up in a puddle of milk...plus, it's just uncomfortable

ElRuby

laurendutch said:

If you plan on breastfeeding, don't plan to lay on your stomach. Unless you want to wake up in a puddle of milk...plus, it's just uncomfortable

I will never forget the moment I found this to be true!

KaLikeAWind

This is a super helpful thread. Thanks to the OP and thanks to you experienced moms for helping us newbies out

laurendutch

Oreos and ice cream will totally count as a meal for you

devyns2nd

mccall35 said:

That I honestly do know more about my baby than my mother, grandmother, MIL, everyone else in the world. It can be tempting to look to others in those first few weeks, months, years, but believe me, life is much much easier if you do what feels right for you and your little family! Spoiler alert: everyone you talk to will give you the "best advice", most of which will be conflicting. Trust your instincts, you really do got this!

Right! I knew what every cry was for and how they were different. Every time another mom here's your baby cry they KNOW what's wrong And they WILL tell you what to do since your a FTM and know nothing.

I also became DDs personal translator. So cute.

ksimo6

I didn't realize how hard the transition would be to go from a family with no kids to a family with a kid.  About 4 months in, my husband and I had to sit down and make a list of chores around the house and baby duties and then divide them.  Just by default, I was doing all things baby and my husband was doing the brunt of the household stuff.  I was going crazy and he was getting overwhelmed.  I actually said "I JUST WANT TO WASH THE DISHES BY MYSELF!"  And I hate dishes.  Over time, we found a new balance and new approach to daily "stuff" but I did not anticipate that.  

If I can offer advice, set your partner up for success and let them care for the child without oversight. When my husband took over baths and bedtime duties, he did not do it the way I would, but that was his time with the kiddo and I forced myself to keep my mouth shut. He learned a lot and felt really bonded with his daughter. 

Last bit - communicate!  Keep talking to your partner.  If you're frustrated, tell them.  If you want them to make dinner, ask them.  If you need a break from your child, say it.  You win no awards for suffering in silence.  Chances are, this is your partner's first child too, and they are looking to you to figure out what you need and what your baby needs.  Tell them!  Be direct and specific.  

Ok - that got long.  Sorry. 

mamayo26

Here's my list:

You bleed for 4-6 weeks PP get as much mesh undies fromt he hospital as you can, but even that won't be enough

Breastfeeding may be "natural" but it is not easy--don't put unnecessary stress on yourself, do what is right for you and baby (your family) don't allow social pressures to dictate wheat you do

Sex the first time is really painful and slightly uncomfortable

You may not be able to control your pee all the time (including the first sex experience)

Unless you are a lucky b*tch you will not be back to your pre-baby weight in a week or even a month--don't stress about it to much

I know you want to be super mom, but let others help--if nto with the baby at least other things you would rather not be doing like chores and errands

You should try and take at least 10 minutes for just you everyday , even if that is 10 minutes alone in the bathroom where no one can find you

lovethatcolosun

I forgot to mention the insane hormonal swings after birth. I literally would start crying for no reason at all, just a huge rush of emotions! The nurses are totally use to it, the husbands are not. Thankfully my sister warned me about this so I wasn't totally caught off guard.

virginiaunicorn11

lovethatcolosun said:

I forgot to mention the insane hormonal swings after birth. I literally would start crying for no reason at all, just a huge rush of emotions! The nurses are totally use to it, the husbands are not. Thankfully my sister warned me about this so I wasn't totally caught off guard.

I believe you. And love this thread. But I'm a FTM and I'm just saying maybe this won't shock my husband... ;-)

mamameghan

On a heavy note, I had to learn not to neglect the relationship with my hubby. Talk about things not related to baby, have sex, listen to his work problems. When we brought home our daughter it was like we really needed to reconnect. Don't forget that relationship as husband and wife vs. mom and dad.

On a lighter note....the umbilical corn stump is gross! It gets all stinky and nasty. My dog was obsessed with smelling it! You can't bathe baby properly until it falls off so it gathers dust and stuff. You can clean it with a q-tip but it's still nasty!