team green moms- do people get upset you're not finding out?

obryana6219

DH and I are team green and for some reason this drives everyone insane. At my baby shower this past weekend my MIL brought up 4 different times that it's so hard to buy gender neutral items and that we should just find out so she can buy dresses or ect.

She's not the only one who feels this way. Am I the only person who sees plenty of green, yellow, and orange clothing and toys? People get so upset about us not finding out and I just don't get it. Is anyone else experiencing this?

vflor87

We're catching hell for not finding out the sexes of our fraternal twins and I'm not even having a shower lol I told everyone we'll have a meet-the-babies shower after they're born and we're up for company. That way they know exactly what to buy IF they want to get anything and even that hasn't diffused any of their annoyance. Oh well. Our pregnancy - our decision.

mrs1374a

What I don't understand is why people (family or not) think any part so someone else's pregnancy is ANY of their business! This goes for finding out the sex, the baby's name, the spelling of the baby's name, anything! I find it all so frustrating! We found out and shared the sex of our baby, but there is nothing wrong with not finding out. Tell your mother in law and everyone else where to go... Sorry. I am just so annoyed about people putting their two cents in everyone else's business!!

obryana6219

I firmly believe that all that matters is that the baby is healthy. I've even said to these people that knowing the sex isn't that important and it's a surprise that we want to share. They all complain about finding things to buy and I remind them that even if we knew it was a girl we're not big "pink is for girls" people. One person I know had a stroke when I said we were painting the nursery blue. She said "what if it's a girl?" What if it is? Girls don't like blue? Blue is very calming and we want to pick a color that will stay for a while. Jeeze people. Calm down. Not your baby, not your opinion.

Katerina&Baby

Yup - one of my cousins actually asked if we weren't finding out "just to punish" my family (what?!) My sister also just shared with me that she has had to explain to numerous family members that no, DH and I CANT tell them whether baby is a boy or a girl because we don't know - they seem to be under the impression that we know the baby's sex but are refusing to tell people (again, what?!)

Addelie

Sorry to hear you ladies are catching some flack for being Team Green! Crazy! Everyone we tell is super excited for the surprise because it's pretty rare to be able to avoid the temptation of knowing. We get loads of positive feedback for sticking to Team Green

staceyfern

My sister was team green for both of her kids and it did drive me nuts, though I went out and bought plenty of gender neutral stuff!!! With mine we told my family we were not sure if we were finding out bc we had a surprise planned. It was funny how she was going crazy not knowing and begging me to find out

ksimo6

Here's the thing... people are going to find reasons to be upset.  We know that we're having a boy and we have a name picked out, but we are not sharing his nname unitl he's born and people are irritated.  Trust me... this only gets worse when baby comes.  Many people think they get an opinion on your parenting or your choices for your kid, but they do not.  Just smile and say "sorry you feel that way" and move on, or you will drive yourself crazy. 

alcrimmins

My family is pretty okay with us being team green. It's about 50/50 with our friends. One of my dearest friends actually said to me, "I can't believe you're not finding out! That was the best part of being pregnant! How can you not find out?" I told her the same thing I've told everyone else, There are few truly good surprises left in life. Why can't this be one of them? It's kind of like Christmas to me. You can see gifts under the tree, but you don't (or shouldn't) know what they are.
With that being said, I have no problem with people finding out the sex, we just don't want to with our first born.

slr1229

A lot of people have told us how awesome it is that we're not finding out and those that don't only say "I could never do that." We aren't telling our name choices either so I think that makes people like my in-laws a tad bit more frustrated we're being so "secretive".

I think it's fun and there are so few good surprises in life!

finchfeeder80

We've gotten the whole gamut between people getting hostile to being super supportive. Not their baby, not their choice. I don't care who gets mad, I want the surprise. I usually just shrug at the naysayers, say sorry and move on along. 

btm013

Thankfully, my family supports the Team Green. My sisters each have 3 children a piece and they never found out for any of them! It definitely makes things more exciting. But my friends and MIL are in an uproar about it. The argument "Don't you want to buy cute outfits for the baby?" constantly comes up. My response "I could care less when the baby is wearing the first few weeks. My only concern is keeping it healthy and happy. It could be in a diaper the entire time for all I care!"

KonaCoffeeBean

No one has been angry about it, but a lot of people are incredulous. "How can you not find out? Don't you want to prepare?" I'm don't understand what there is to prepare for. Outside of circumcision there really aren't any decisions that are truly sex-dependent. If so inclined we could dress, name, and equip a girl exactly the same as a boy.

Knottie36157349

My cousin was team green .it was hard to find gender neutral clothes so my husband and I bought supplies like diapers,wipes etc big tote full of things for my cousin so she would use for the first year .when I had my daughter it we were team green because our daughter wouldn't show if she was a girl and I hated not finding out but my mil thought we were keeping it a secret against our families wishes to know. Team green you guys have patience good luck.

virginiaunicorn11

obryana6219 said:

They all complain about finding things to buy and I remind them that even if we knew it was a girl we're not big "pink is for girls" people. One person I know had a stroke when I said we were painting the nursery blue. She said "what if it's a girl?" What if it is? Girls don't like blue? Blue is very calming and we want to pick a color that will stay for a while. Jeeze people.

THIS. x1000000.  I never wore a dress before I was 20, and spent my high school years in adidas soccer pants and jerseys.  (And dated a hot senior as a freshman, so it is just not true that girly girls get all the fun.)  The switch was thrown at 20, and now I barely ever wear jeans or pants, mostly dresses and skirts.  BUT WHO THE F CARES.  I have ZERO patience for the pink/blue comments and frankly, it is a large reason we are Team Green.  Forget "gender neutral." So what if I have a girl and her blanket has dinosaurs on it.  Seriously, what will happen?  People will think she's a boy?  So? 

Three cheers for a blue room for Team Green!

Taking a breath to answer the original question... most people have been excited for us.  Most babies in my family were Team Green.  My 95 year old grandmother at one point was excited we were Team Green.... then she found out a girl would be her namesake, and suddenly she is afraid she will die before knowing the sex of the baby.  This is the ONLY reason I have wavered on wanting to find out.  But if it is a boy, he will have her husband's name, so it is a win-win for her.  One friend thinks I am missing the chance to "emotionally prepare myself to bond with my baby."  He is well meaning, and it makes me laugh really hard every time he says that.

Lexibizzel

Oh yes.  Team green status certainly caused an uproar.  Like OP, my future MIL made comments like "You certainly made it hard on us" while I was opening gifts at my shower in her hometown (which was uncomfortable enough since I hardly knew anyone and am reserved to begin with).  I found it especially absurd since she and many of the other guests are around 70 years old.  How did they ever have children without knowing the sex ahead of time?

I have a tough time understanding why the color of a baby's clothes can cause some people such anxiety.

finchfeeder80

I don't get the "hard to shop/buy clothes for" mentality that the anti-team greeners throw out there as an argument against it. Seriously, we probably already have close to ten outfits for the munchkin, and we're only 29 weeks along! 

KaLikeAWind

My mom and the friend I have made here are really very frustrated with Team Green. My mom accused me of wanting to 'drive her crazy' because she won't know what to buy. My friend asked me to have the Dr tell her and only her. I live far away from family and having lived here less than a year have made few friends, so everybody else that asks is mostly just being polite and is like 'that's cool its a surprise'. If we were closer to family I'm sure it would be a bigger deal. I have the feeling that the reason DH's family hasn't purchased a damned thing for us is because they don't know the sex. (He won't confirm this, but MIL is a vindictive beotch that way)
Other than my mom and the one friend, my immediate circle is having fun playing guess the sex with us. But I get more than enough grief from my mom and the friend to spread around

KarasTwin

We found out because neither DH nor I are big surprise people. I think it would be fun to be surprised if that's what you want. It's really not anyone else's business. I feel like as soon as we announced people were asking if we new/when we'd find out. People also have lots of opinions on names, feeding choices, etc. If they already have kids then they got to decide what they wanted to do and if they don't yet, they'll get their chance. I don't understand why people want to make everything about them. Can't we just be happy about healthy babies? We didn't register for many clothes and all the other items are pretty neutral because what if our next child is a girl?

taboullio84

I found out we are having a girl... I still been buying blue clothes.. So I Don't understand color issues at all.

JessHeppell

im dealing with this. we dont know the sex (even if we wanted to, baby was shy at the 2nd ultrasound i had) and we arent sharing the names. frankly i dont care what we are having, but my sister is not too happy. but oh well. she just had her 2nd baby, im not a fan of the colour pink, not even sure im getting a shower. too bad for her.

dancegurl1118

I have not had a single negative response to being team green, actually the opposite. When we first told my dad I was pregnant the FIRST thing out of his mouth was "you're not going to find out the sex, RIGHT?" Didn't know he felt so strongly and apparently is still holding a grudge at my sister finding out, ha.

My coworkers and I love team green births. It adds a special element (not to discredit any other birth in any way!)

sschwege

More so with our first, now that we are Team Green for the third time I think people have learned to expect it.  But even still, it gets my MIL nuts every single time.  Before our a/s with all three she's always said, "You could just have them let the Grandmas know and we won't tell!" It's kind of a joking manner, but I know if we agreed she would happily find out.  Yeah, not going to happen!  It bothers me enough that the person preforming the u/s knows!  This time as the doctor was leaving the room he said, "Oh and I know what you are having!" Seriously took all my self restraint to not just find out!

mandi921vh

My mom and sister didn't find out so my side of the family wasn't surprised when we told them we aren't finding out. H's family needed more of an "explanation" as to why we weren't. Nobody has been really upset by our decision, and I don't understand people who are. When you are pregnant you can decide what you want to do. People who say you can't buy ANYthing when you don't know the sex is crap! I plan on having more than one kid so the gear that I have registered for is gender neutral. The only thing that I will say is tricky is the clothes, not for registering, but for having your child clothed after birth. But you can always buy a bunch of girl and boy clothes and then return what you don't have. Plus hand me downs are great. I already have a years worth of boy clothes given to me by my sister and about 6 months of girl clothes given to me by a friend.

MIL was surprised after our 20 week ultrasound that we didn't peak when the tech said to look away because we might see the sex. She was even more surprised when we had to go back at 24 weeks (didn't get baby's profile) that we didn't peak again.

I think what people don't understand that our desire NOT to know is just as strong as those who NEED to know. At our 24 week ultrasound the tech asked before if we knew the sex and I said no we don't want to know, she said oh good you told me I am known for spoiling that for people. I thought OMG I would be so pissed if she had done that!! 

HoosOnFirst

We wanted to know, so we found out (it's a girl) but that didn't stop us from painting the nursery green!

KaLikeAWind

I'm honestly a little glad my mom is stymied by being "unable to buy anything!" for baby because she goes nuts on the clothing and 1) I can't possibly need that many clothes and 2) I'd rather her spend her money on something truly important, like the car seat she got me off my registry. Now that she has purchased that, I've pretty much curbed her spending - she is retired and so is her DH so they are on a fixed income, and she has the tendency to spend too much shopping.
However, MIL won't spend a cent because (I'm pretty sure) of us bring team green and she 'doesn't know what to buy'. Well, lady, you could buy a pack of diapers, or a bath set, or the wall decals I'd like to put up in the nursery. She's just a generally pissy woman anyway, so I'm sure we will get nothing from her and be expected to go out of our way to bring her grandchild to her (over half a country away)

ETA sorry for the brief MIL rant

tab221

My dh family is the one who angry about not knowing. His grandmother always makes the comment that we know and just not telling her! Haha. We have 3 ds and this will be the last and with us having a planned c/s we wanted one last surprise. They will all be really mad when they find out we are telling them the wrong day of the c/s so we can have time with the big sisters and see their reaction after I get out of recovery before they even know the baby is here! I say they will get over it and if not less people to deal with at the hospital!

Dino1219

Definitely catching heat but am persistent that we're waiting. People also accuse us of knowing and that we're hiding it. Why can't anyone just accept it? You have my support, Team Green Mommies! Stay strong and remember who's the most important here! Sending love and patience your way.

MJMum524

I don't mind whatever people want to do. Everyone can make their own choices. What I don't get is when people say "it's the only real surprise left in life" or something similar to that. What? And finding out at an ultrasound with them telling you isn't a surprise? It's a surprise too, just different location.

KaLikeAWind

Not really off of the subject, but a little to the side, like -
I read somewhere that the mom has an instinct or a feeling of what sex her baby is, and 70% of the time she is right. That's a lot more than the 50-50 odds people like to trot out when they don't want to have fun and play guess the sex with you.
Which, btw, is a gripe of mine - hubs and I like to have some fun about the sex of baby - he'll see me munching chips and say - 'oh! Its a boy!' Or - 'that girl in there is making you weepy!' Stuff like that. Of course old wives tales are totally just bosh and have no truth to them, but its fun to us to goof around with them, and its kind of a bummer when you're trying to be lighthearted about guessing sex of baby and someone is like - well, your odds are 50/50 - and just shuts down. :-@

sschwege

MJMum524 said:

I don't mind whatever people want to do. Everyone can make their own choices. What I don't get is when people say "it's the only real surprise left in life" or something similar to that. What? And finding out at an ultrasound with them telling you isn't a surprise? It's a surprise too, just different location.

As I said in my pp I am a third time Team Green mama, but I never got that argument either.  To me it's almost like by finding out early you are spacing out the surprises, you get a surprise at your u/s and then again when you deliver (you still don't know what baby will look like really).  It's like when you find our early you have two really exciting days! 

All that being said, we always ask our MWs not to announce the sex and instead let DH announce, for me that is pure magic...hearing it from my husband @mjmum524

virginiaunicorn11

I don't mean any offense, but I am literally laughing aloud at the irony of a post on THIS thread that complains about some women's reasoning for being Team Green. Too perfect! To each her own.

@mellymar I read that, too, about mothers' intuition... And I think that is precisely when all of a sudden I "really didn't know" any more if it felt more like a girl or boy, lol! The first several months, I was sure it's a girl. But now, I'm totally 50-50. It will not be my own freaking intuition that ruins this surprise for us, dammit!! ;-)

KaLikeAWind

@amark11 - almost the exact same with me! I was feeling girl and then all of a sudden, I started waffling! I spent the 2nd trimester pondering a boy. I'm leaning back towards girl again now, lol...

Anjelyk2

I find that more mature people are excited with us that we are waiting for the surprise. Others make ridiculous comments when I tell them we don't know. 

yatesbaby15

mellymar said:

@amark11 - almost the exact same with me! I was feeling girl and then all of a sudden, I started waffling! I spent the 2nd trimester pondering a boy. I'm leaning back towards girl again now, lol...

I went back and forth about finding out...at the 20 week ultrasound I decided that I wanted to know.  I completely 100% felt like it was a boy and when the u/s tech told us it was a girl I was like "Are you sure?!"  And even afterwards I didn't believe her completely until we had another u/s!  I completely support all of the mommy's who don't want to know and who want to be surprised...it is a very special thing!  I just wanted to be able to decide on a name.  While we already have tons of girly clothes I'm trying to stray away from pink as much as possible, and the nursery is very gender neutral with turquoise, grey, and white.  And for all the crazy MIL's who keep trying to say they don't know what to buy...maybe they should try buying the things you really need (car seat, stroller, crib, mattress, DIAPERS, etc.) instead of being focused on clothes that little one will grow out of in two weeks!