If you have older multiples

thismuch

I used to be a fairly regular poster but haven't been on in a few years. My twins are 5 now and I am struggling with how to deal with their differences in ability/ motivation to learn etc. They just turned five so they are in preschool right now. They do Tai Kwan Do lessons and for a little while we did piano lessons, but stopped for now because of scheduling stuff. They both really look forward to Tai Kwan Do and both loved taking piano lessons asking when their next lesson would be. But E works really hard at whatever he does and he excels whereas J is a little more like a typical 5 year old and gets distracted/tired/less motivated. In Tai Kwan Do E does all of the exercises the teacher asks and he picks things up really fast so the teacher focuses more energy on him, teaching him tricks etc. J wanders around and does about half of what the teacher asks of him. He frequently stops to drink water and sometimes say, "I just don't want to do that." He does like going to Tai Kwan Do and is always excited for class but doesn't have the attention span/work ethic. The same thing happened with piano. J actually did pretty good during the actual lesson but never wanted to practice. E would sit down on his own without prompting and just start practicing. They are both learning to read but E brings me books and asks to sit down and read. He is getting pretty good. J will sit down with me but only if I ask but after about 3 words he is done. He starts playing with toys and not looking at the page.  

This definitely isn't a post saying I want J to be more like E or I want them to both excel. I understand that they are only five and that they're job is to have fun while learning. But I am struggling with the fact that one excels at everything he does because he works hard on his own and the other is distractible/unmotivated and doesn't work hard. I have just been letting them go at their own pace but it is so hard to watch the Tai Kwan Do instructor pay more attention to E. And I have to say I don't blame her because he tries harder. I do the same thing with reading. I end up spending more time reading with E because he wants to do it. I don't want J to be "forgotten" and I want teach him that trying hard and working hard pays off but I don't want to push him too hard just because his brother is more motivated. I feel like the differences in their abilities and motivation is more pronounced because they are the same age. 

Any advice?

owlet3

Maybe consider at least one different activity for them based on their interests to ease your own concern for one getting more attention than the other.  Also at five the only pay-off should be enjoyment. So if they are both having a good time then the activity is serving its purpose.