How to handle difficult MIL situation

catsNbooks

so, she is a devout Catholic, which is all fine and good. However, she told me today that she would be an hour late to our baby shower. By choice. It's apparently "Devine Mercy Sunday" and our shower starts at 3pm, "the hour of mercy", and she will be in mass. A very dear friend on ours planned this shower, ordered linens and flowers and is going very far to make this beautiful and special. Not to mention, MIL left half way through our wedding reception to attend mass. I'm feeling offended and just plain sad. I suppose I should sleep on it, but this is very upsetting. So basically, should I be more understanding or what? How would you ladies react to this kind of thing? DH feels exactly the same.....

DMEL

Don't sweat it- it's only an hour late and it's for religion which is hard to get upset about. Enjoy your first hour Of the shower drama free

sunnysidexup

Not much you can do. May seem silly to you but a person's personal religious choices are just that, personal, and that's it. It'll be what it is, she won't miss the whole shower, in fact they tend to start late or are slow going. Let it roll. At least she's coming. My MIL threw a fit over something and had a scheduling conflict with my bridal shower so she completely missed it. I didn't miss the drama.

catsNbooks

It's not that I find it silly, but to me celebrating your granddaughter > going to church. This holiday of hers comes every year, we only had one wedding and only one baby shower. That's my only qualm.

sunnysidexup

I understand that. I had the same thought. But, people will do what they feel most comfortable doing.

HaruhiChan

Religion is very important to some people and it should be respected. Her religion is important to her and I think it would be unfair to ask her to choose between two things that are important to her. She's attending your shower but is going to be late. She's doing both and I think that's a fair compromise

catsNbooks

That's true. I suppose I better get used to it, as hurtful as it is.

catsNbooks

Actually, I'm not even asking her to choose. She's chosen without any conflict except my obvious disappointment. I had no idea that was a holiday, and my friend that's throwing it is Jewish lol.. It's just an unfavorable situation. I appreciate her at least showing up, but in my mind I'm thinking "really? Again!?".

HSTeacherHeidi

It's obviously really important to her, she's doing both. Too much to be excited about that to dwell on this...not that you are dwelling per say...but I'd just really let this go-not worth any stress

canadianmom89

I'm in the same boat with the devout catholic inlaws, so I totally understand. But at least by the sounds of it you aren't forced into or guilted into the religion too. I'm also catholic but my MIL has made me seriously question and to a point hate the religion. She is the least tolerable and most judgemental woman EVER. She believes I will be going to hell because I go to zumba on Sunday instead of mass and I want to be cremated so there is no chance of me getting into heaven... And she has told me this to my face. Also when we visit it's not im going to mass are you coming, it's get in the car mass starts at 9, it's like thanks but no thanks lady I'm 26 and make my own damn decisions.
My husband says all the time I wasn't raised as a child I was raised as a catholic and always felt guilty and we won't do that to our child but around his mother it's church church church because he's afraid telling her he doesn't go every Sunday will give her a heart attack.... I've learned to smile and just go along with it because we don't see them that often but I swear if she ever tells my child they will be going to hell because they did something "wrong" all hell will break loose!

Sorry kind went off on a rant there, I usually can't talk about this and it felt good to let it all out! I guess my best advice is let her be who she is (as wrong as it may be that it comes before family) and be thankful she doesn't force you.

ldmw

Don't worry about it. You'll look back and won't remember. Focus on the shower and enjoying your time there. When your MIL shows up, enjoy the time with her. L