To summarise the shitness, I found naked photos on an email my husband sent to another MAN. 3 emails that were sent over the course of 2 days last week. Two days that I was away from home for work. My very first night away from DD ever.
We've been together for 7 years. We never argue about big things. We are the type of couple that other couples describe as rock solid. He has never been a typical "blokey bloke" (that's manly man for you Anericans). He's softly spoken and always acted like a very old fashioned gentleman.
I confronted him about the photos and he admitted it straight away but couldn't stop crying saying it was a mistake and he regretted it as soon as he sent them and it made him realise that he definitely don't want to lose me or DD etc. he swears he never met this man or any others.
I just don't know what to do. I keep crying. I had a panic attack at work yesterday and got sent home. He keeps crying and begging me to try and forgive him.
This is all just so out of the blue I can't get my head round it.
Re: My life has fallen apart
The fact that he owned up to it right away and didn't try to place blame on anyone else is a very good sign. I know it's hard to see it that way right now. If he's being honest and not defensive it means he's capable of talking about everything with you when and if you're ready.
Remember, whatever you choose to do is ok. It's your choice, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it if you are confidant. I will say that I know first hand that recovering from this type of behavior (and worse) is very hard, but totally possible. A relationship can be repaired, but it takes time and both of you have to be dedicated. Don't be afraid to ask for whatever you need, be that councleing, time apart, talking, time away, etc.
I wish I was there to give you a hug. I've been there, all alone and overwhelmed, crying with no one to confide in. My heart goes out to you. You are stronger than you know, and at the end of all this, come what may. you will realize that
Hugs to you. What a difficult spot he put your family in. :-(
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I can't go and stay anywhere because ridiculous as it sounds, I rely on him for childcare. He is a stay at home dad whilst I work and without him I wouldn't be able to work and as a teacher I can't take any time off. So if we did break up is probably have to either give up work to look after her and live on benefits or if have to give him custody and pay him child maintenance payments or something.
I just feel like he's ruined everything I had and it would never be the same again. I so just want to "unsee" this and pretend I don't know about it so I can go back to blissful ignorance.
March siggy challenge: Dream job = Playing with wolves
I think a few things helped us. One, the willingness and drive to persevere. Two, we got down to why he did what he did, and we made some changes. Three, he had to give me access to everything - passwords to all his email accounts, websites, you name it. Did he just make a secret one? Maybe. I searched everything I could for him. If you are horribly concerned, hire a PI with a background in cyber investigations and have them do a check around.
I wish you the best. Just keep in mind, you are not alone, and it is okay to feel sad or mad or both right now. Good luck.
At the moment we are just trying to carry on as normal but I'm finding it hard to do normal things like arrange family dinners or go shopping because I feel like I'm going to have to put on a brave face and "pretend" that everything is ok.
Bravely soldiering on and pretending nothing happened is EXACTLY the wrong way to go about this! If he is feeling attraction to the same sex with no way to confirm it then this will only cause problems down the road if it isn't addressed. There are ways this can be addressed through counseling without him having to stray outside of the marriage. Would you be comfortable if he was attracted to both sexes as long as it was you he loved and chose to be with?
March siggy challenge: Dream job = Playing with wolves
Because snarky comments on a very serious thread are much more helpful.
March siggy challenge: Dream job = Playing with wolves
Edit to say: good luck. I hope you find happiness again.
I didn't mean necessarily to imply that he is gay... Only that it sounds as if he may be feeling confusion about his feelings toward the same sex ...which could mean gay, bisexual or perfectly straight. A lot of people experience this to a smaller degree earlier on and try something like a simple flirtation and find out that they really aren't attracted to the same sex...or they confirm they are. If you are a little older and in a solid heterosexual relationship when this confusion and need to explore hits, then it can create issues because you really can't find a safe and easy way to confirm your attractions. Being uncertain about your sexual identity can really fu*k shit up! Counseling becomes a good way to help in this situation.
March siggy challenge: Dream job = Playing with wolves
Unfortunately counselling is out of the question for us at the moment. We looked it up and there are only a few marriage counsellors in our area, all of whom charge at least £40 a session because it's based on our salary which is high on paper even though it isn't high in reality. We just can't afford that (he's a stay at home dad and we're on one salary paying off debt). We have agreed to just see how it goes for a while. X