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Claudiaba

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christmasstree

I'm so sorry. He did send you mixed signals though. So you can't blame yourself for that. Maybe at a certain point he did want the baby and now he is changing his mind he could be scared. Good luck

beaseg

DId he say he didn't want the baby in the first place or that he doesn't want it now? Because the first thing, while painful, is true. You're likely feeling emotional, and rightfully so. But when you're feeling calm enough to have a discussion with him, I'd ask him point blank if he wants to be a part of the baby's life or not. Because his behavior seems to indicate he does, or at least he wants to want to be. And it seems like he was making effort. Sometimes it's hard to have these kinds of discussions, especially when both parties are feeling emotional. And you have to be strong for YOU and for baby, and you should demand the best. But at the same time- to have daddy around will be a big help for both of you if he's helpful and loving. So do your best to find a way to make it work. If he says there's no way he wants to be a dad now, then okay- I'd move, and take it day by day. But if he says he wants to, he just needs time. try to be understanding to that. It's a difficult and huge transition, and just because he can't do it as selflessly and seamlessly as you doesn't mean he can't learn to be a good and active dad. 

backwoodsbarbie2k15

Why is everyone dating fuckboys? Jeez. Regardless if it was planned or not, if you can lay down and make a baby you can stand up and be a father. Im sorry, this must be hard. Like i tell everyone else, babies dont ask to be brought into this world. So bring her into a positive one! 7 years is a long time, but you need to do whats best for that little , girl of yours

louloutte87

Sounds like a knob to me. Don't understand why blokes are so stupid. If he "didn't want a baby" he should have been more careful.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with his idiocy. I would, personally, move and be closer to your parents. I would value the support of my parents more than a guy who doesn't want to know the child he conceived?

lola2bee

At least he told you now before things got even more complicated. So sorry though that things did not work out but hopefully this is better in the long run.

marijaa333

Have you tried asking him why he doesn't want the baby? Is he afraid he will miss out on life? if he thinks it's simply too early to start a family, perhaps you could discuss how some of his goals don't have to be compromised by this event. It's a huge responsibility and not being ready is no crime. Stepping up to care for you to date is a good sign, but now that May is coming close, he might be worried that he won't ever again have time for himself, his friends, hobbies, etc. It might be good to work out some kind of compromise that reassures him that he will still have a life, even if the change will be huge. Hopefully he will come around and totally fall in love with the baby once she arrives. 

chefnewmommy

I think this is a really tough situation for anyone to deal with. one thing you have to remember, is that he told you he didn't want/ wasn't ready for a baby. He kind of already showed how he was gonna be, you just thought he'd change. He did however leave it up to you and said he'd support your decision but Support doesn't always come in the package we want. I think he was giving you mixed signals... Possibly bc he told you he'd support you and felt like that's what he was supposed to do. It just sucks bc I can't imagine how I'd feel if that happened to me. If I were you I'd get used to doing things without him bc it seems like any time you do something he doesn't agree with, he's gonna remind you of how this wasn't something he wanted. I wouldn't stay in a relationship with him either esp if he can say things like that to you.

saric83

beaseg said:

DId he say he didn't want the baby in the first place or that he doesn't want it now? 

Ditto this question as it is a HUGE difference.  I'm not making excuses for him, but he might have felt backed into a corner with you bringing up moving and just reiterated something he's already told you before, that he didn't want the baby in the first place, but that does not necessarily mean what you're assuming.  

marthaudani

Let's be fair. You mentioned moving as if it's no big deal on top of the already life changing event of having a baby.

Give him some credit for being there for you up until then. Then, once you realize how much stress it would be to move on top of having a baby, you might freak out a little bit too.

He may have just said that because he wasn't ready to have the moving discussion. Especially if this was the first time you decided to talk about it and it's so close to your due date.

He may be feeling like you asked him to make the Earth move one half rotation the wrong way while farting rainbows and riding a magical Pegasus unicorn. In other words he might think you're asking him to do something impossible.

Give him a minute. He'll come around.

marms1987

I have to say something, I was in his position as this baby was a surprise to me. I did not want to keep him while my husband got attached to the idea since day 1. With time I got attached to this baby and decided to keep him and make any necessary life changes to make him feel welcomed into this world. I love this baby to death already but I have to admit that during certain arguments I brought the fact that I did not want the baby up! Not to say that I do not want him now, but just to say that this was a big change for me and any more big changes will be challenging for me! My DH understood that and gave me some freedom with some decisions knowing that I have a lot on my plate now. Just try to understand that this was a big change for him and he still needs to adapt.

DMEL

This sounds like a way bigger problem than can be fixed by the opinions of Internet strangers. It sounds like an immature relationship. The baby's coming whether he wants it or not. Get yourself prepared to do this alone (with his child support) since it seems like he's not wanting to be an active father

xxyourstrulyxo

I'm just gonna say this. People in general, suck. And guys can be huge dicks. I know it's hard and you want him, his support and the perfect little "American dream" family that we are all told we should have, but reality is things are rarely that perfect. You kept the baby and are now blessed with this darling little lady that's going to come into your life. You will be her whole world, and your love for her will be like no other. Don't let him steal any joy from you in this special time of your life.

HaruhiChan

You know what? He doesn't want her? That's okay. YOU want her. She's not an unwanted child and you can do both roles without him. Maybe he's just getting scared, that's pretty normal.

Give him some time, he could completely turn around after the birth.

If not, your daughter will still have a mother who loves her enough for both.

Hang in there!