Considering adoption but not sure — The Bump
Adoption

Considering adoption but not sure

My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years. It is a second marriage for both of us. I have 3 daughters from my previous marriage; my husband has no children of his own. We always planned to have children together, but the year after we were married I went through menopause way too early - age 43. It has been difficult for me to even talk about this until now. I go back and forth with the idea of adopting for lots of reasons. I really wanted more children - I have wanted it for a long time, but since menopause took that away I wonder if it is the right thing. I wonder if I will have the energy I need. I wonder if our finances will be ok. I am enjoying a little freedom since my other children are older now, so I wonder if I should just accept that child bearing if over and move on with life. When ever I think about abandoning the idea of adopting, I feel a terrible loss, though. I was not ready to be finished having children. I'm not sure what my feelings are. This is a very confusing time.

Re: Considering adoption but not sure

  • I think every one goes through whatever they need to go through before they decide if adoption is for them. Some just know they want children through adoption others go through infertility before accepting that they want children more than they need them to be biological.  I am so sorry you are struggling with the inability to have more bio children but I think you have to give yourself sometime to grieve for that and after you are done you can then ask yourself if you truly want to have another child.  Then be honest with yourself and see if you want one even if its not biological.  If your whole family is in agreement that there is someone missing:), you should start your research because there is a lot to decide on.  Domestic adoption, infant, toddler, older child, International, foster to adopt etc etc. Take your time and listen to your gut and your family.  Good Luck!!   
    misshopeful1
  • We were THIS close to adopting a little boy and girl last year.  In fact, we KNEW we were going to.  Turns out that the little girl had all sorts of issues (including BiPolar) that the agency had never discovered/addressed.  In the end, we felt that we were neglecting our three biological kids because we spent all of our time & energy on her.  Was such a tough decision.  Still pray for those two.  But, in the end, I'm certain that we were not the home they needed.  :(
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  • Thank you, Jess...you are so kind! Just writing about this helped me a lot! 

  • Remember, we were all at the same crossroads before making that decision ;-)

  • If you're not sure then don't adopt.
  • edited September 2015
    I think fostering can be a great way to support your community and get your mothering instincts fulfilled. If you have a placement that's adoptable you can go for it. If not, you've still helped tremendously.

    OP did you come to a decision? What did your DH think about adopting?

    Many adopted foster kids receive a monthly stipend post adoption which would help with your budget.
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