No RSVP to Shower. The new norm?

MrsS728

I'm probably going to get lambasted for this one, but.....

Is it the new norm to just not RSVP to shower invites? I've always been taught that when you are invited to something that it's customary and proper to RSVP regardless of whether you can attend or not. There are a handful of people that haven't even bothered to RSVP to my shower. It doesn't bother me that they can't attend. I understand that people have lives and busy schedules, but when the hostess needs to give the venue a head count and 10 of the invites haven't bothered to RSVP, I feel like a horrible person for asking her to invite those people and feel like it's "shame on me."  

Bottom line, am I just too old-fashioned and not "with the times?"

crkeating

Nope- this happened to me too. My mom and MIL finally got fed up when it was a week past the response date and contacted the people directly. Some said "oh I meant to respond" and others who they didn't get in touch with they just didn't count them in. It's funny because my mom kept saying "I don't understand, if you know you're coming or not coming why wouldn't you respond right away." Some people just don't get it. We had about 4 people respond yes and then last minute couldn't make it and it was paid for! Good thing it was a fairly large shower!

CordeliaD87

I had about 25% of my invitees RSVP. Just something most people don't do these days I guess.

rae562

We created a save the date on facebook and everyone responded either going, not going and only 2 maybes

backwoodsbarbie2k15

If you have please RSVP by a certain date on the invite, its proper manners to do so. I mean obviously they want you to rsvp for a reason. I dont think it matters if its "these days" or not... Im 17, and it just seems like the courteous thing to do.

sassyg25

That's so frustrating but I would assume those who don't respond are not going to make it. If you or a family member feel comfortable with it, maybe give a call to see if they received the invite and say it's important to account for those who can attend

MrsS728

I just feel like the bad guy in this because I was the one that gave the hostess the list of people AND on top of it, there were other people that I left off my list of invites because I felt obligated to invite the "Non-RSVP" people. My husband and I aren't looking at the shower as a gift-grab. We totally get it, if you can't, don't want to, or have other plans.....whatever, but have the decency to RSVP "No" instead of just ignoring it. Several of the people that haven't responded are work people that I see everyday and I feel weird going up to them on Monday and saying, "Are you coming to my shower?" because then I feel like it looks like I'm only gift-grabby, when in reality, I just hate doing this to my shower hostess. 

backwoodsbarbie2k15

You can just say my hostess was trying to do a headcount and noticed you haven't RSVP'd if you can attend. If anything, it will probably make them feel a little embarrassed for not following simple instructions. It doesn't make you seem gift grabby. Not to me at least. You shouldn't have to pick up the slack on other people's ends.. But some people you just have to

ashleymartie13

backwoodsbarbie2k15 said:

If you have please RSVP by a certain date on the invite, its proper manners to do so. I mean obviously they want you to rsvp for a reason. I dont think it matters if its "these days" or not... Im 17, and it just seems like the courteous thing to do.

Agreed. Im also 17, and it just seems like it something you should do. How else would anyone know how much food to supply or room to have for each person . I've only had ONE person rsvp. So as of right now unsure of how much to have. kind of aggravating.

mandapanda806

I went through the same thing for my shower.  My hostess gave me a list of those she didn't hear from and asked me to contact them.  Since most of my friends/family communicate on facebook I sent out messages to each and nicely asked whether they were able to attend or not.  Almost all responded, and most just plain forgot to RSVP! And of course I had the few that never responded to my message. 

I would completely understand if someone said they can't make it, but instead there are "those few" who think ignoring or not RSVP'ing equals a no.  I find that rather rude.

shelles423

I feel like it's the same thing with thank you cards. I write one every time i get agift but over the past year I've been to half a dozen baby showers , weddings, bridal showers and brought a gift but received no thank you cards. Sometimes i wonder why i even bother since no one else seems to care.

kby721

My mom is having the same problem with my shower. She's asked me to reach out to a few people because she doesn't know them at all. Sadly I think it's because she only put her home phone number on the invite so people don't have the opportunity to text or email. That is what our world has turned into. I'm assuming the people aren't coming but I'll be calling them and putting them on the spot anyway.

brittburck

This happened to us. We received a few rsvps from adults but none of our friends rsvped to my mom. We then had 30 people show up. I had a good idea who would come though so we were prepared. I think it's so rude. I respond no right away if I know I can't make it. Definitely seems like the new norm.

brittburck

shelles423 said:

I feel like it's the same thing with thank you cards. I write one every time i get agift but over the past year I've been to half a dozen baby showers , weddings, bridal showers and brought a gift but received no thank you cards. Sometimes i wonder why i even bother since no one else seems to care.

This is my biggest pet peeve! I always send thank you cards the next day and hardly ever receive them. It's such a simple gesture that goes so far.

MrsS728

I didn't give a baby gift to my cousin because they didn't send a thank you note from the plane ride and gift I spent on them for their wedding. 

sunnysidexup

Speaking of RSVPs, it bugs me when people RSVP to your wedding and then don't show up, which is even more costly when you're paying $20-30 a plate for their dinner.

mamajama3

The same thing just happened to me!! It's totally rude and inconsiderate. I'm going to send each of the 10 people who didn't respond to mine an email and say something like "Hey there- we didn't get an RSVP from you for the baby shower so unless I hear otherwise this week I'll let the host know you're not coming so that she has a final head count". It's a little forward and aggressive but that's what they get for not being polite. I hope this is not the new norm- most of my invitees responded so I'm going to be hopeful that this is just outlier rude behavior from a few folks.