Baby shower question

katyertl

hi ladies!
Usually I just comment and have never made a thread but now I've hit a weird wall that I need help with.
So my sister suggested that our baby shower be a "coin shower" or something to that term. Where people would just bring a gift of money. We will be living in a one bedroom duplex for at least 6 months while I finish school. So we don't have a baby room to decorate. Plus we have a lot of siblings and family already giving us things. We have already received a crib, changing table, 2 pack n plays and a bassinet among the large things plus too many clothes to even keep track of. All we really need is a stroller and car seat plus a few other things I've had my eye on. And maybe as first time parents we don't have a full grasp on all the things we should be buying right now.
I understand her suggestion since we need money at this time more then the baby stuff. But part of me wants the traditional party where we receive baby items and not just envelopes. Plus I think it's a little odd to be asking for money.
Any suggestions?

Canmu

I don't think it's a bad idea, however a lot of people enjoy buying the baby things for you. I would make a list of the small things you still need, (like different sizes of diapers, breast pads or formula or whatever) and give the attendees an option, a cash gift or something from the list. I don't think anyone would blame you for asking for cash gifts, I just know a lot of people enjoy giving a personal gift instead.

katyertl

I'm just worried it wouldn't be good etiquette and seem rude. And we do need small things like that as well

KonaCoffeeBean

That sounds incredibly rude. Either have a small traditional shower (people aware of your living arrangements will probably give money anyways), or skip it all together since you already have most of what you need.

kendallapp

Maybe you could put together a very small registry at a place like Babies R Us? it allows you to put on your registry that you would like gift cards. That way you are still getting money toward getting what you need for baby and people can still pick out something if they would prefer

laurendutch

I've been to showers where the hosts stated that you can contribute towards a big item ie a stroller. But I don't know what the etiquette books say about that.
I would never put on the invitation about cash or even where you are registered. That is something that I feel the hostess can relay when asked.

Westypet

Some registry websites even let you create custom items that would showcase what you'd be spending their generous financial gifts on. We did this for our honeymoon, and it was fantastic.

For example, for our honeymoon registry, I created items like "cocktail dress for dinner on our honeymoon" and "champagne and strawberries for our honeymoon suite". If it was an expensive item, like an excursion or something, we broke the item up into $50 increments so that three or four people could contribute to a $200 or $300 "item".
Then the registry just sends you a check. It was great. You don't HAVE to spend it on the item you listed above, but I find that people like to know what you're putting it towards.

There are so many small things that you can register for that you may have overlooked. Registries give people a good guide for present buying when they want to show you that they care with a generous gift.

I loved working with Buy Buy Baby. Very easy, and you can use 20% off Bed Bath And Beyond coupons there, too. Pleasant experience overall.

I'd honestly feel weird receiving a "coin party" invitation or anything requesting cash or a check.

Westypet

Just want to add:
A baby shower is meant to shower you with gifts, yes, but it also gives ladies a chance to show you that they're excited for you and this amazing new journey you're starting! I think it's more than gift opening and receiving, honestly.

delujm0

You are right OP...etiquette wise you'd be completely wrong to specifically ask for cash for your shower. If you took this question to the etiquette board on the knot you'd get completely roasted.

Why not make a registry of the smaller things you'll definitely need? Bottles, feeding supplies, diapers, wipes, crib sheets, burp cloths, etc? That way you're not receiving anything that you wouldn't have had to buy yourself anyway, even though your apartment is small. If people would rather give you cash or a gift card, they will.

henrytviii

I'm usually not too hung up on etiquette but if I was invited to a baby shower asking for money instead of gifts, I would be pretty horrified. Hate to be dramatic but it would change my opinion of the host/mother. If I were you I'd have a traditional shower and register for a few small things or just skip it entirely if you really don't need anything. Or if you want to celebrate the coming baby but don't want extra stuff, have a gathering for your friends that specifies no gifts at all.

MamaBish

I am never a fan of asking for money. I think you should either do a "sprinkle" where you only invite very close friends and family and keep it small, Have a regular shower and not tell guests to bring money, or you forgo a shower altogether if you don't have the room/need for more stuff.

katyertl

Yes to all of these! Thanks ladies! I really wanted a traditional shower and we do need things but my husband feels like we don't have room for anything so he doesn't want to get anything. But come on we will be moving shortly after so we will need things. And I think it's rude too. So thanks for the advice! I'll definitely be sticking my ground with my sister and tell her that we just want the traditional route

Katerina&Baby

Your gut instinct is right on this one - asking for money is inappropriate (technically, requesting that anyone bring a specific gift is against etiquette but somehow asking for cash seems even more crass than requesting that people bring books or diapers). Your guests will expect you to open actually presents so they can ooh and ahh over cute baby things. While I totally understand your situation (not a lot of storage, already have 90% of the big items), here are some things that you could add to your registry:

- Bottles (4oz size and 8oz size) (not sure whether you plan to BF or FF but if BF, check out the Kiinde system - nearly no dishes to wash!)
- If BFing: breastmilk storage containers/bags
- Crib sheets (3)
- Mattress protector (3 - you can throw down a protector, sheet, protector, and final sheet to expedite middle-of-the-night accident cleanup so you can get back to sleep faster)
- Crib mattress (I wouldn't use a hand-me-down and let's face it, you have the space on your registry to get a new one. Look for something 10lbs or under - you don't want to wrestle with a 27lb mattress in the middle of the night when you're changing sheets).
- Changing pad (assuming it didn't come with your table) and cover
- swaddling blankets (only a few of these - you may end up with a baby who hates to be swaddled)
- wearable blankets (unless you received some as hand-me-downs)
- stroller blanket
- diaper bag
- carrier (go to the store and try these on before registering - it's the only way to know what is a comfortable fit for your body.)
- nursing pillow (like a Boppy) and cover (helpful even when FFing)
- bibs (stock up on these! I know a lot of really refluxy babies who basically always wore a bib because it was easier and faster to change that than a whole onesie when they soaked themselves with spit up)
- burping cloths
- diapers (I registered for 3 different kinds in the smallest amount possible so I could see what worked for baby - it's impossible to know what will fit LO right so don't stock up but you should have some different ones handy to try out)
- baby wipes
- diaper cream
- diaper pail (so your apartment won't smell like stinky diaper)
- baby bathtub (they have inserts for the sink as well as stand alone mini tubs)
- baby bath towels
- wash cloths
- shampoo and baby wash (lots of brands, like Burts Bees, sell starter kits)
- grooming supplies (nail clippers and baby brush)
- thermometer (one for use rectally and one temporal scan)
- humidifier (my house is dry so it's a must for me - maybe not so for you)
- nasal aspirator (moms I know swear that the NoseFrida is a miracle worker)
- baby monitor
- baby first aid kit
- swing (everyone I know who has the fisher price my little snuggabunny [it whatever animal they are currently featuring] said their kids were obsessed with it)
- play mat for tummy time
- books!

Hope that helps!

katyertl

@Katerina&Baby I may love you for that list lol thank you!

KaLikeAWind

I'm looking at this in a different way, but my situation is also different than the OP's. I in fact did set up a registry, and also a separate place for people to gift money. But, I did this because I am far away from anyone I know, and know for sure I will not be having a shower. So anybody who wants to help us will have to ship our items to us, which takes away from the 'fun' of gift giving. I made it very clear on my fb to all these people far away - "This is my gift registry. If you want to gift/help us, you are welcome to purchase and send items off of the registry. Or, if you want, you can contribute funds and any funds given will be used expressly to purchase items off of the registry that are not gifted." (I didn't really expect anything at all from anybody, gifting for pregnant women is very much for someone who is right in front of you, not someone who is a very good friend but lives so far away an airport is needed to visit).

The result being that nobody has bought jack off of my registry, but the people who have done something have contributed funds. Half of these dollar amounts are higher than if they had purchased and chose to have shipped a smaller item off of the registry.

Did I feel embarrassed and that it was tacky to do this? Yup. Oh, yup for sure. I'm embarrassed writing about it. My sense of etiquette cringes in shame. But DH and I were not prepared for this and need all the help we can get. So my advice to OP is to have both a gift registry and accept monetary gifts / gift cards, and have the host let it be known to guests that either will be accepted. I don't think I would ask for only money, tho.

megmama

I agree, it can be a little awkward ... but I personally wouldn't mind if someone invited me to a coin shower, I would be spending money on your registry for things you already picked out, only difference is I'm just giving you the money to buy things yourself. Actually easier on the guests Go with your instinct.. but personally I wouldn't mind be invited to one of those myself. 

laurendutch

I think it's also a huge generational thing. I'm going to a bridal shower on Saturday. My SILs, MIL and I all chipped in for a big gift. I spent at least $10 for wrap/bow/card. Honestly, I'd rather give that money to someone than just throw it away (wrapping paper). My MIL and her mother would be appalled though.

For baby showers (or visiting friends with new babies) I usually do a gift card and a small pack of size 1/2 diapers.

mamahawk12

Absolutely not should she throw a shower with the written request that people give money. Although inconvenient, Target and Babies R Us have great return policies and you can return unnecessary items for gift cards to use later on as you need them.

laurendutch

I just want to clarify that I wouldn't put that sort of thing on the invitation...it's just what I usually do when I'm invited to a shower.

MrsCaliRN

The good thing about making a registry at a place like Target or Walmart is that you can exchange what you don't need for gift cards. Gift cards at these stores can easily turn into groceries and other weekly goods that you will need that aren't baby related. My suggestion is to have a traditional registry at a useful place like one of these and then also set up a Honeyfund or something similar which will clue folks in that you are also wanting money/cash, without flat-out asking for it. 

kcave21

maybe have a suggestions part like gift cards to...or I also did a diaper raffle the buy in was diapers and the winner got a $50 gift card...