Leaving Baby — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Leaving Baby

My baby is 3-1/2 months old and is almost always with me.  I've tried leaving her a few times with DH for an hour or so but she totally freaked out so I accept that it is not something that comes easily to her right now.  She's a very good baby and great with people-has no problem being held and playing with people she's just met as long as I'm around.  (We are very social and go out often together)  I have no problem being with her all the time until she seems comfortable being away-I assume this will happen naturally some time between now and 3 years.  However, we are getting pressure from grandparents to leave her with them.  Just wondering if I'm crazy for not wanting to leave my 3-1/2 old, especially knowing she will cry hysterically.  

Re: Leaving Baby

  • I don't think you are crazy at all! Your baby is tiny still. Grandparents can hang out with baby and you. As for DH, in my world that is something to work on (probably more for his relationship and confidence with baby rather than your need to leave, since it seems as though that isn't a felt need for you right now). But, it will all come with time. I needed to be at  some meetings for work by that point so for me, there was a genuine need. If you have the ability to stay with baby, great!
  • Not crazy to me, or other attachment parents, but be prepared to continue to receive a lot of pressure from your in-laws (and probably others) on this issue as well as lots more to come. They'll roll their eyes at you, but your job is to take care if your baby the best way you know how. A good pat response that's hard to argue with is "I'm sorry I'm just not comfortable with that yet." And repeat.
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  • I had to be the mean daughter-in-law that stood my ground NOT caving and letting grandma take baby for the weekend, despite several pressured demands.  He's 9 months now and I'm just now starting to come around to the idea.  It wasn't even that he'd cry with anyone else (he wouldn't), I just wanted that consistency for him and wanted him to know his MOMMY was there. I'd work on the daddy-time so that they both get comfortable with each other.  DH and I both work full time and watch LO mostly by ourselves since we work opposite shifts, so he got comfortable with baby really quickly.
    Egg Retrieval - Feb. 2013 -> OHSS.  FET#1 - June 2013(failed). FET#2 - October 2013(success!) Griffin Alistair: 6#10oz 20" long, born 6/19/14 @ 4:04am
  • My in-laws had to adjust their expectations as grandparents. Their brothers and friends all kept their grandchildren overnight or several days during the week to avoid daycare. I fed exclusively at the breast, had a very long (unpaid) maternity leave, and didn't return to work (the boss knew in time). We take our baby with us on short trips.

    My in-laws had to readjust their ideas on grand parenting. Around 12 months, they started watching our son so we could have a date night. The first time, we hot dressed up, went to a buffet, and picked baby up in an hour.
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    Parent of Baby Boy M, born December 2013 Angels: Miscarriage @ 9 weeks, May 2015, Chemical Pregnancy November 2015

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  • I understand where you are coming from however I don't think it's healthy to never leave your baby.  With baby #1 it was hard to leave her but I still did it.  With baby #2 it is easier.  And it felt sooo good to be out with my husband without baby.  Sure she cried and it was hard but I knew she was in good hands.  I only ever left her with family.  I can't believe some of you waited until your baby was a year old to go out with your husbands. 
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  • Ultimately, it's your call because it's your baby and you are responsible for caring for your baby to the best of your ability, whatever your in-laws have to say or think. I agree that it would be better for your husband and the baby to work on her being ok with him...he's a very important part of her life as your partner. Maybe...as they spend time with her and you, you can teach them what you've learned about your baby and what she likes and needs and then, if you're comfortable, leave her for a short amount of time. We've left our LO with a grandma at our house for short amounts of time since week one after they've spent time with him and have a good sense of what he needs. It has been good to get a break. My husband watches him every morning so I can just get a shower or takes him in the afternoon so I can get a nap and it's a relief to not have to worry about him for a bit...he's been very sweet about being very involved with our LO and I'm extremely thankful they've bonded so well. But, if you feel like it would be better to wait, then stand your ground and don't apologize.
  • update: LO is now almost 6 months old and she is doing awesome!  She's very social, happy and energetic.  She is now great with my husband and I can leave her alone with him for hours and they manage just fine.  I feel that I should clarify that before it wasn't that I couldn't leave her at all, just that I needed to be around if that makes sense. So no problem leaving her with DH to take a shower or do something in another room, in fact since the beginning she's been great playing by herself as long as if she wanted me, I'd appear.  We still haven't left her with anyone else and I know grandparents are upset about this.  I don't know how else to explain it other than I love being with her and don't feel like I need additional time away from her.  I still don't understand or appreciate this pressure to leave my baby if I don't want to.  
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