Stressed: CP and FTM Worries (Long/AW)

frankengibbs

I'm a nanny and I recently found out the woman who's children I take care of had a falling out with her SO and she needs me for days/hours than normal which is fine, I could use the money and I'm not a super busy person...most of the time when I'm not at work I'm home alone since DH works long hours. Anyways, after accepting the new schedule, I started to panic a little because I realized that there's so much I have to do and take care of in my own life...I have 2 doctors appointments in the next month, possibly a third because my OB wants me to see a specialist to do a U/S to check my LO for cystic fibrosis, I have lab work and GD test I need to get done before my next visit and well...it's a lot... Not to mention all of the things I need to prep at home before I give birth. And then I started thinking about how I'm not sure I want to be over there ALL day in the summer taking care of an 11y/o, 2 toddlers and my newborn since this will be my first baby and I know that despite my experience with children and infants, it's going to be an adjustment added to the fact that there will be 3 other people in constant need of my attention.
I feel like my head is going to explode and I am entirely stressing out because this all feels chaotic and unorganized and I feel like I need a plan or some sort of stability to this all because I just cannot handle this all...
Help?
So if anyone has any advice for me or just needs to unload their stress feel free to do so here.

ElRuby

First, of all I am sorry that you have this extra stress... As if pregnancy isn't enough to manage! My best advice would be to figure out what boundaries you must set when taking on more responsibilities with your employer... Be very clear with them so she doesn't try to take advantage of you or ask for more than you can agree to.... Then, be sure to follow them yourself in order to best manage your own responsibilities and care!

karaelaine1991

I agree. I think it might benefit you to get everything in writing after you discuss your limits and boundaries with your employer - it'll verify that you're both on the same page and then if problems arise later, you can say, "In our agreement, we specified that I would only stay til this time each night," or "In our agreement, we stated that I'd be able to go to my child's doctor appointments as needed"... I think it's especially important that you have something in writing regarding her flexibility with your child's appointment schedule, especially as you've said there may be health complications down the road. I feel like I remember you saying stuff about your employer being somewhat demanding in the past... if I'm remembering correctly, then I think a written agreement would be especially important, again, to make sure you're both on the same page and to hold everyone accountable for what's been agreed upon. 

If you haven't had something in writing in the past and your boss is fairly authoritative, asking to have all of this in writing might not go over super well. However, I think it's worth risking - obviously your baby is your first priority, and your boss needs to understand that your schedule isn't going to be quite as accommodating to her needs after the baby arrives.

queequeg09256

I'm a list person. Make a list and start planning things with date and times to check stuff off. When you see how much you already have handled it should help with the stress. This works really well for me and helps me keep my cool. Clearly your employer knows you are pregnant and some of the requirements that go with it make sure to plan dr. Visits in advanced with set dates and times. This will have all parties feeling less stressed and give you a little less panic. At least I know it does for me. hope this helps op!

KaLikeAWind

I don't have any suggestions but I wanted to wish you well. That does sound a bit overwhelming (at least, if I were looking at it as my life I would feel overwhelmed) and I hope that it all smooths out and turns out to be easier than it sounds

Frogger5

The part that would have me worried is the summer part. Have you committed, or can you still change your mind without feeling terrible? That just sounds like a lot to deal with!

frankengibbs

karaelaine1991 said:

I agree. I think it might benefit you to get everything in writing after you discuss your limits and boundaries with your employer - it'll verify that you're both on the same page and then if problems arise later, you can say, "In our agreement, we specified that I would only stay til this time each night," or "In our agreement, we stated that I'd be able to go to my child's doctor appointments as needed"... I think it's especially important that you have something in writing regarding her flexibility with your child's appointment schedule, especially as you've said there may be health complications down the road. I feel like I remember you saying stuff about your employer being somewhat demanding in the past... if I'm remembering correctly, then I think a written agreement would be especially important, again, to make sure you're both on the same page and to hold everyone accountable for what's been agreed upon. 

If you haven't had something in writing in the past and your boss is fairly authoritative, asking to have all of this in writing might not go over super well. However, I think it's worth risking - obviously your baby is your first priority, and your boss needs to understand that your schedule isn't going to be quite as accommodating to her needs after the baby arrives.

I think you're right about having a written agreement or at least a verbal agreement that both parties stick to. She's not difficult or unreasonable, it's just a big adjustment since she ended things with her SO. I would never want her to think I'm leaving her hanging because I love her kids and am more than happy to help out more, but I also don't want to be spread too thin when the baby comes. I guess now would be the time to ask what the specifics are going to be for the summer because it's one thing to be there 3 days a week from morning until afternoon to bathe, feed and get the younger 2 kids ready for school and it's a whole other thing to be there all day M-F with all of the kids and eventually my newborn baby, even with 3-6 weeks of maternity leave. Babies are demanding and I know it could feel a lot like a juggling act to wrangle a 3 and 4y/o along with 11y/o who is probably not going to be as happy to sit inside watching movies and playing games when it's summer.
That's where the stress comes in...

frankengibbs

@queequeg09256 I think a list would definitely ease my stress as far as getting things I need for LO.
As far as appointments right now, I'm a little stressed because I had them where they were perfectly set around my schedule. My mother's been taking me since DH and I only have one vehicle and he works long hours but now I'm worried with only weekends free she won't be able to and DH rarely has weekends off...Feels like everything's scattered now because I have to bend even more than before to have time for everything

frankengibbs

mellymar said:

I don't have any suggestions but I wanted to wish you well. That does sound a bit overwhelming (at least, if I were looking at it as my life I would feel overwhelmed) and I hope that it all smooths out and turns out to be easier than it sounds

Thank you! I'm glad to know I don't sound completely like Chicken Little...Sometimes I worry that I'm making mountains out of mole hills, but I just get so stressed and these baby hormones don't help.

Frogger5 said:

The part that would have me worried is the summer part. Have you committed, or can you still change your mind without feeling terrible? That just sounds like a lot to deal with!

This is something I have to think about too... I don't know how indefinite our agreement is and I'm not sure how much I'm going to want to be there this summer, as much as I like the kids...

klkonwi

Haha! Chicken little!!!! That's what I feel like this whole pregnancy!

Canmu

You are one strong woman! I don't really have advice either, other than I admire you for your hard work and dedication! I agree with PP that you need to have a talk and set out guidelines and expectations, so that way nobody ends up feeling hurt or overworked or neglected and underappreciated. As a mother herself I'm sure she'll understand and I'm sure you'll be able to work out an arrangement that works well for both of you!

Canmu

You are one strong woman! I don't really have advice either, other than I admire you for your hard work and dedication! I agree with PP that you need to have a talk and set out guidelines and expectations, so that way nobody ends up feeling hurt or overworked or neglected and underappreciated. As a mother herself I'm sure she'll understand and I'm sure you'll be able to work out an arrangement that works well for both of you!