Feeling useless - anyone else?

HoosOnFirst

Hi all, as a FTM I'm struggling with how to feel useful at home. We have so much to do to prepare for the baby and it seems like everything required my husband to be involved. Working on the nursery, picking up and moving furniture, etc. I've always been an independent person and so I'm struggling with this feeling a bit. This is combined with my husband also feeling stressed by the fact I'm having to rely on him for a lot of things. He's amazing, but tired. I've cried so many times when I want to accomplish something and realize I can't without him, because it makes me feel crappy and I feel guilty for asking him to take on more.

Is anyone else feeling this way, and how are you managing it?

I'm doing a lot of like, dishes and cleaning and laundry but it feels not equivalent. And frankly not that interesting or helpful.

laurendutch

I remember feeling this way when I quit work my first pregnancy. Hang in there!

brubabe

Feeling the exact same way. My husband has been spent the last two weekends painting nusery, two other rooms and trim. I ask used to being right in there. Been trying too do my post in bathroom ands kitchen though. It will even be more difficult as the weather gets better and I will want to do yard work, plant flowers etc.

esampson1983

I have felt the same way. I just try to do what I can and do some of the small chores he hates, such as dishes. I also just try to make a point to let him know how much I appreciate all of his help. I also try to make sure he gets some extra video game time in without me interrupting him

seesea

@hoodoll82 I'm totally feeling the same way. I've had to be on modified bed rest for the past month and may have to continue to do so until I have the baby. Like you, I've been an independent person so I feel a little guilty asking DH or my mom to help out around the house. DH has a lot going on as well to make ends meet and save money since I can't work at the moment. What's worse is that I can't pick up or carry my 18mo DS so it breaks my heart a little whenever he reaches for me to carry him.

To cope with the boredom and the feeling of being unproductive, I've been reading a lot. I've read some john green novels and am reading a couple of baby books. I've caught up on some TV shows as well. I'm also thinking of doing those DIY crafty things I see on Pinterest as long as it's not too strenuous. Lol.

I try to do things like laundry, dishes and cooking if I'm up to it. I know it doesn't feel as useful as moving and rearranging furniture but hey, we are growing little humans inside our bodies. That is an amazing feat in itself! Now that's way more interesting than being able to do things around the house. I think it's ok for us to relax and take it easy for now. Once the precious newborn arrives there will be unbelievable levels of exhaustion. I remember what it was like feeling tired of being tired as a new mom. So go ahead and take it easy! You're already doing the most important job there is for your family.

HoosOnFirst

Thanks, it's good to hear I'm not the only one! @esampson1983 I need to get better about letting DH have time to himself as you are! I've said I appreciate his hard work many times, but I probably could be better about showing it.

KaLikeAWind

Yes, I also feel really bad about the perceived load I am putting on my hubs. Since I work part time I am home more often than he is, but since I am so exhausted all the time I get the daily things done like dishes, housecleaning, laundry done but am unable to do the bigger items. And he is so nice about it, it almost makes it worse. I'm used to doing things for myself and carrying my own weight. My not having a full time job would be bearable if I could be helpful in these preparation projects, but I can't. I just try to tell him often that I am appreciative of his work and effort, and like PP said, unless there is something that needs to be done that weekend, let him play Xbox as much as he wants. Otherwise I just try to set out guidelines to have things done, like 'once the crib comes let's move the furniture out of Ewok's room so I can vacuum, clean up in there and begin to assemble the new furniture. Let's try to have that done within a week or two?' That way he can decide when he wants to do the heavy lifting. Hopefully I'll have a surge of nesting energy to accomplish some nice, not heavy lifting projects in the future

kbbtah

Um...YES!!! Feel like a total baby right now. I get winded doing everything. I with you!

Westypet

All of these!!!
I contributed to our household by going to the grocery store, sorting out tax stuff, taking care of any kind of paperwork with doc visits... But it's so doggone hard to feel useful at all!!!!!!

Jna0407

I'm in the same boat. I get exhausted and winded pretty quickly and I need my husband to help with the things I have trouble doing or don't have the energy to accomplish on my own. Yesterday my inlaws wouldn't let me pick something up and I told them I'm pregnant not disabled and I could do it. I think I was just frustrated that I can't do anything and I need to feel useful in some way. =(

klkonwi

Ahh! So glad you said this. This weekend was a perfect example: my mom came to help with the nursery....... Wouldn't let me help move furniture or hang stuff..... So weird to feel helpless!!!!!

TheEA

I wish all of you ladies wouldn't beat yourselves up over taking it easy. We'll all be doing plenty of work once our little bundles arrive! I say take it easy and let our partners and family help as much as possible.

MamaBish

Yes! Especially since it's winter. All the snow removal and bringing in firewood has fallen on DH and I wish I could help out more. 

aj1327

Yes! I started cursing yesterday because I kept dropping clothes while carrying laundry from the laundry room to our bedroom. Bending over to get it was hard and I was getting out of breath. When DH saw what was going on, he got on me for not asking him to help, but I already feel like I ask him for help with EVERYTHING! It's frustrating. I figure so it'll be back to normal though, so I should soak up the extra attention & help!

staceyfern

I have been feeling this way since I found out I was pregnant in September. Since that day my husband has refused tort me do anything. I am not even allowed to carry the laundry basket. We are doing a lot of improvement stuff to our house this month since we are doing the baby's room too. I was moving 3 photo albums from one room to another and he got mad at me. I am extremely independent and it has been so frustrating to rely on him and not be able to do things when I want them done. I have learned it's not worth the fight in my house.

virginiaunicorn11

Yes, can totally relate. Trying to express lots of gratitude to DH, make myself think about how nice it is to learn to let others care for me a little more, and I am much more proactive about doing the "little things" for myself (when DH asks if he can bring me anything, it is actually a rare occasion when I shouldn't just get up and get it myself).

Just try to be kind to yourself - it is a new experience, and you're undoubtedly doing the best you can. I find losing my sense of self and independence is one of the hardest parts of pregnancy

Serenamarr

Fi and I moved to our current location when I was about 2-3 months along, so when we came here we planned for me to find at least part time work, if for nothing else, just to keep me busy. We underestimated how hard it would be to find something in a beach area in the off season, and pretty soon I was showing and no one would hire me! After working 40-50 hour weeks putting myself through college, this will be the longest I have ever been unemployed since age 15. I've never depended on anyone financially- it is such a foreign uncomfortable thing for me to not be "pulling my weight". Fi works mostly from home so I am adamant about doing all the cooking and cleaning, and making sure he has everything he needs/helping him have time to relax by doing the little secretarial and organizational things for him. It's just hard every now and then when money gets a bit tight and I feel like it is my fault for not being able to contribute!