Recent mmc- suspected partial molar

elocin1989

hi all, I'm here reaching out for support as I live far away from most of my family and friends. My loss is recent and hard, this was my first pregnancy.
I went to the hospital on Wednesday the 11th after experiencing a "gush" of thin blood after standing up. I was just over 10 weeks pregnant and had a terrible doom feeling in the pit of my tummy. I was at the hospital for over 2 hours before seeing a nurse. They sent myself and my fiancé to a small closed off room and again we waited. After blood work I started to experience more bleeding, bright red now with small (very tiny) clots- lots of them. I was hysterical and trying hard to keep myself composed and together. I had a pelvic exam and when my blood work came back the doctor said my blood work and exam looked/felt perfect for how far along I am and I would have a precautionary ultrasound just to confirm their belief that all was well. My fiancé was not permitted to come in for the ultrasound with me, nor was I allowed to be given any information or see the screen. After the tech couldn't find anything through abdominal I again felt that bad feeling in my gut. I had an internal us and tried so hard not to breakdown the entire time. I got back to my room and waited about 20 minutes before the doctor came back with the bad news, that my pregnancy was not viable and likely had not been for quite some time. She mentioned also about a cyst on my left ovary but did not seem concerned.
I was sent home with the knowledge that an early pregnancy loss unit would be contacting me with my options and to wait for the call. A few hours after getting home and having a hysterical breakdown I received the call and was told that they suspected a molar pregnancy and would be treating it as one. They explained my options but highly advised that a d&c would be in my best interest. I booked the d&c for Friday (yesterday) March 13. I got to the hospital at 10 am and my surgery ended up being at 3:45pm, the waiting was excruciating and as my fiancé wasn't able to be there to wait with me I felt very alone and scared, he actually arrived less than 5 minutes after I was taken away for my surgery. The surgery was quick and a lot easier than I imagined. I recovered from the anesthesia very quickly and was discharged within 1-1.5 hours after the surgery. I was told afterwards that they strongly believe it was a partial molar pregnancy and unfortunately I won't get the results for about 2-3 weeks. I'm feeling very scared with mixed emotions right now. One minute I feel "normal" and the next overcome with intense grief. My fiancé is sad but he is a strong man and taking the best care of me. I am in quite a bit of physical pain/strain today. I had a very bad dizzy spell this morning and almost fainted and have been laying down ever since.
When we were in the waiting room at the Er my fiancé and I discussed that although this pregnancy was an unplanned surprise, and we don't know the outcome, if it wasn't good we would try again as soon as we could. Now after reading up and receiving information on molar pregnancies I know that if it is a pm we will not be able to try for at least 6 months.. This is devastating to me. I want to be pregnant, I was just getting used to the idea that a tiny little baby would know me as "mom" and now I am not. The 2 worst things about this miscarriage is 1: giving up on our plans and dreams for this baby, and 2: realizing that while I rubbed my mini belly I was really rubbing a non viable mass of tissue and not even my baby.... I am just so heartbroken and worried for my future. I'm sorry this is so long but it being so fresh, it felt good to write it all out.
While I hope no one else has to go through this, I also hope someone else can relate to my experience and perhaps we can support each other in this scary and unknowing journey we will likely be on for the next 6-12 months.

Anyways, thanks to anyone who may have read this, also I am in Alberta, Canada if there is anyone who finds this helpful.

NoSugarCoating

I'm very sorry for your loss. However, you may find more support on the miscarriage board -- this board is more geared toward losses later in pregnancy, or post-birth.