Sprinkle Vent

crbpjb

*This is a vent*

The women I work with (at a semi-small high school) all like to get together once a month for dinner.  We celebrate birthdays, but no one ever brings gifts or anything.  Now recently they've started doing showers.  One time I didn't mind because it was in place of a work shower (we used to do these) and it was her first baby.  But now, they are starting to do sprinkles for second and third babies.  Now that was okay the first time, I simply chose not to bring a gift.  I was not close with that particular person.  She was having a third baby (her first and second were twin boys), and it was a girl.  My personal opinion on it is that if you're going to find out the gender for your baby and have everyone get you cute "boy" or "girl" clothes, then how are you more deserving for more clothes just because you can't use hand-me-downs?  The mom of four girls is less deserving?  Anyway, the most recent dinner was another "sprinkle" only this time the email all but flat-out said if you don't bring a gift don't come, but on top of that they specifically said you HAD to bring a Target gift card because they wanted a double running stroller.  What the heck??  Isn't a sprinkle specifically rationalized by the fact that you need more clothes for the new gender and everyone gets to actually buy what they want rather than off the registry (PS I am totally pro-only buy off registry for regular showers)?  I was baffled and outright offended.  This was not a close friend, and I couldn't come to the ladies dinner to socialize with my friends unless I brought a gift card so she could get a double stroller?  Am I being nuts here?

Katerina&Baby

You're not being crazy - whoever sent that email is appallingly rude. First of all - I am staunchly anti-Sprinkle (flame away, people, but it goes against etiquette and is gift grabby). Second of all - telling people how they should spend their money is gross. Everything about that email screams poor manners. You have every right to be offended.

VOR

Wow.  Is there anyway that you can email the woman and gently say that you look forward to these dinners and the non-gift giving celebrations are great, but if these dinners are now going to be events where gifts are expected for (insert this month's event), you aren't going to be able to afford to attend anymore?

Well, at least that's the approach I'd take.  Make it about the $$.  But really- shaking you all down for gifts is changing what this dinner is about. 

The people you're closer with- can you find out their take on this?  Do they agree with  you?  If so, I'd perhaps start my own monthly dinner and firmly make it about just getting together with friends.

tigerlily25

Who wrote the email? Was it the mother-to-be or someone organizing the sprinkle for her? Either way, you have every right to feel the way you do about this situation. Dictating what to bring and to not come if you don't have a gift is poor etiquette in itself. If I was you, I would respond to whoever wrote the email and tell her what she said is not right.

Mrs.AmyDylan

That sucks. If you want to go and socialize, bring a $5 GC. Maybe the mom to be will get the message of the rudeness of the whole situation. You get to socialize with your friends.

KateLouise

It seems completely wrong to me that a social work event has been hi-jacked for a gift giving event for someone. Regardless of whether it's a shower or sprinkle or something else saying, "you can't come to this work event if you don't bring a gift, for this other event," is all kinds of wrong.

I agree with pp, start your own dinner get together.

crbpjb

Thanks, ladies!  This was a while back, and I ended up not going to the event.  I don't love the idea of sprinkles, but I'll get something small for a close friend if they are having another baby.  It would also be different if it were a first baby.  I just wanted to know what people thought since it had happened more than once and was likely to happen again in the future.  I can't blame the moms because they are not organizing it, but at the same time, it must have been the mom who was specific about what she wanted.