Mother-in-Law posting pics on Facebook

teaismCAgal

We are trying to limit LO's social media footprint — yet if we send private pictures to my MiL, she reposts the pics on Facebook. It drives me crazy. But my MiL is super sensitive and childish — so if we say anything to her, it will create a MAJOR fight. She's already angry with us for countless other things. Am I overreacting by being annoyed by this? My hubby says we should just choose our battles and let this one go.

CandEChicago

teaismCAgal said:

We are trying to limit LO's social media footprint — yet if we send private pictures to my MiL, she reposts the pics on Facebook. It drives me crazy. But my MiL is super sensitive and childish — so if we say anything to her, it will create a MAJOR fight. She's already angry with us for countless other things. Am I overreacting by being annoyed by this? My hubby says we should just choose our battles and let this one go.

Maybe stop sending your MIL pictures that you don't want on the internet? Because your email also uses servers or the account could get hacked.

teaismCAgal

Yes - that would be the obvious thing but I feel terrible not sending her pics of LO at all. We already stopped calling her via Facetime b/c she grabs a screenshot and posts that. We're just going to be much more picky about the pics we send her.

Shortstack06

I would mention that you have a problem with it, if it continues then stop sending them. If you "choose" your battles where your kids are concerned now, people will walk all over you. You are the parent, no one else will advocate for your child but you.

Nprybylek

I agree with shortstack06 your the parent and you need to tell your MIL that you don't want pictures of your child posted , we had to do the same thing with our family cause as soon as I would send a picture of LO I would see them on FB! As hard as it was to tell them to stop because you know they are just proud and want to show off their newest family member its ultimately up to you and they need to respect that if not you won't send them picutres! May seem harsh and mean but if you don't stop it now your going to be dealing with this for a long time and it's just going to anger you more and more!

ibnagy99

I had the same issue with my parents.  I told them that if they were to post a picture they had to 1st ask if it was o.k and then also tag us both in the photo so we knew who was commenting on it.  I told them that if they kept posting pictures of my little one I was no longer going to send them photos and also report the photos to facebook.  They finally understood why I had issues.  I work in Law Enforcement and just don't need my kids pictures out on fb all the time.

amedbery

You are a mom. Someone is doing something involving your kid that you aren't comfortable with. There are no battles you should be afraid to fight in this realm. Your husband needs to man up and tell his mom to quit - it is up to him to stand up for you, not to be afraid of upsetting his mommy. I would recommend setting boundaries now - this will only get worse. She doesn't get to dictate how to handle your kid.

teaismCAgal

Well, I do need to choose my battles — as a mother, I can get worked about just about anything. But some things aren't worth the energy, while others things I wouldn't ever budge on. (For instance, I don't allow unvaccinated and/or ill children around my infant — don't care who I offend). 

But we have a very sensitive extended family and too many 'nos' can create a lot of family hostility that is bad for my LO in the long-term. I want him  to have a good relationship with his extended family. But already our restrictions on things like not allowing sick children around our LO has caused conflict with my sister and my brother-in-law — and my parents-in-law. I want my LO to have a good relationship with our in-laws so I'm trying to decide which battles are worth the fight and which aren't. 

My MiL has her privacy settings on the max, so I think my real issue is I feel disrespected as a mother b/c she didn't ask my permission to use his picture. She's coming in a few weeks and I'm going to tell her then "We'd prefer you select just one picture of LO from this trip to post on Facebook, as we're trying to limit his social media prescence."  

thabs52

Here is my 2 cents... My husband and I decided before our LO was born that we weren't OK with certain things being posted to social media so we just came right out and told our family what those things were.  Obviously your LO is here so its a little different but I don't think it is too much to ask for your MIL to ask you before posting something.  All it takes is a quick text with the pic, after getting the pic from you to say "is it OK if I post this?"  I think your Husband just needs to sit down with her and tell her the reasons HE wants this.  In my case I told my parents and we told his parents together, just worked out that way and everyone completely understood our point of view when we explained that we were trying to keep our LO safe.  Good Luck!  

cranch815

How about you stop worrying about hurting people's feelings and just put it out there. Being a parent means that you're going to be faced with times that require you not to sugar coat thing.

Seriously, asking sick children to stay away from healthy children hurts feelings? Time to sack up everyone.

teaismCAgal

@cranch815 - I have friends who became very intense "helicopter" parents with a ton of rules for being around their children. Their kids are now super anxious, it's like they felt their parents' anxiety and picked up on it. 

My friends who were much more relaxed and chose their battles wisely have much calmer, well-adjusted children. I think it's good for the LO to pick your battles and not be to overwrought with boundaries and tension with extended family.   

It seems a lot of parents I talk to say they were over cautious with their firsts and regret being that way in retrospect, because they noticed their second/third kids benefited from them being more easy-going. Our doctor also tries to emphasize that to us. That said, there are some things I would NEVER budge on. But as  FTM, I'm trying to decide what's worth getting worked up about.  

But AGREED on the people getting their feelings hurt about sickness. That was ridiculous and we had no problem putting our foot down. 

Shortstack06

So if you didn't want advice and aren't going to change your view, what is your question?

teaismCAgal

@shortstack06 - Sorry you're offended I didn't take your advice? For me, I don't go on these boards for just advice. It's the discussion and hearing varying POVs that's so helpful. I found nearly all of the responses were super useful in helping me shape my ultimate response to the situation.  

cranch815

So @teaismCAgal, tl;dr of all of that is that you think that impressing too many boundaries and rules for people to follow around your kids will make them over-anxious? And if you're loosy goosy that they won't be?

I'm a STM so let me give you a piece of advice. First time around I thought I was going to only pick my battles. The issue with that is that something has to happen first before you need to say anything about it. Wouldn't this have already been resolved if you had just...laid out acceptable boundaries earlier on?

I can promise you that my son is not anxious even though I have very clear rules for how I expect people to act around him.

Shortstack06

@teaismCAgal Everyone generally has the same point of view, but you. So where is the discussion? I am not offended, I just think it is pointless to start a discussion on something that has been posted on D14 multiple times.

allitor12

Can I just be off topic and say I've missed the @CandEChicago and @Shortstack06 more than I thought I did?!??

teaismCAgal

I'm learning my issue isn't just Facebook — and after I learned her privacy settings are max (I didn't know when I posted) and she doesn't use his name or any other identifying factors, I'm not that concerned. This is something deeper with my mother-in-law who is...AWFUL!! I think my issue is just that I don't like her! 

bvsbabymomma

Yup @allitor12!

cranch815

Wtf @allitor12? Am I chopped liver? Like my SN? It's just for you.

allitor12

YES @cranch815 !

Shortstack06

I never updates my siggy from the D14 free for all.

CandEChicago

teaismCAgal said:

I'm learning my issue isn't just Facebook — and after I learned her privacy settings are max (I didn't know when I posted) and she doesn't use his name or any other identifying factors, I'm not that concerned. This is something deeper with my mother-in-law who is...AWFUL!! I think my issue is just that I don't like her! 

Well...if you don't like your MIL and if she is truly awful there isn't much we can do to help you there.

teaismCAgal

CandEChicago - Not really asking for help anymore, just stating that I don't like my MIL. 

CandEChicago

teaismCAgal said:

CandEChicago - Not really asking for help anymore, just stating that I don't like my MIL. 

Well..best wishes with that

misskilljoy

For someone concerned about privacy issues, you sure don't have a problem bad-mouthing your MIL on a website that has zero privacy. I hope she doesn't come across these comments some time.

amedbery

misskilljoy said:

For someone concerned about privacy issues, you sure don't have a problem bad-mouthing your MIL on a website that has zero privacy. I hope she doesn't come across these comments some time.

This. Also, not letting people bring sick kids around your newborn or refusing to be pushed around by a childish MIL isn't being over-protective or a helicopter parent. It just sounds like your in-laws are pushing you around a lot and are using your reluctance to have tension to take advantage of you and get their way. My point is that your H should be sticking up for his family and that you have every right to decide how the world - his family included - interacts with your child. In-laws can really bully you if you let them.

teaismCAgal

misskilljoy said:

For someone concerned about privacy issues, you sure don't have a problem bad-mouthing your MIL on a website that has zero privacy. I hope she doesn't come across these comments some time.

This seems like a really aggressive response, I'm not sure why you're being so hostile.

JaneArson

teaismCAgal said:

misskilljoy said:

For someone concerned about privacy issues, you sure don't have a problem bad-mouthing your MIL on a website that has zero privacy. I hope she doesn't come across these comments some time.

This seems like a really aggressive response, I'm not sure why you're being so hostile.

Aggressive?  Hostile?  Seriously?  I think @misskilljoy's comment is right on.

Not too long ago, The Bump had a major, major privacy issue when some people's actual first and last name were posted instead of their avatars/screennames/usernames, or whatever the kids call them these days.

People here have given you some really good advice about putting your foot down and setting boundaries with your in laws.  If your MIL posting these photos bothers you enough to post it here, then I think it's an important enough issue to discuss with her.  You're not being a helicopter parent by protecting your child.  

You seem to be backtracking from wanting advice at all.  If you don't want advice, is this just a dear diary post?  

teaismCAgal

It feels like you're looking for a fight, which I'm not really interested in. But please note, it's OK if people don't take your advice, it's not personal.  

CandEChicago

teaismCAgal said:

It feels like you're looking for a fight, which I'm not really interested in. But please note, it's OK if people don't take your advice, it's not personal.  

Just a heads up since you are newer and all...you aren't going to get much advice or help in the future if you keep this up....trying to pick fights by lashing out with name calling, then calling us hostile, and finally saying you don't need our advice.