spanking or no spanking

nicolemummyof2

Do you think it's ok to spank your child? And if so what age...

This is just to get a few different opinions

SLGILL1978

I am not for or against spanking. Right now, we don't spank. We mostly use redirection, time out or take toys away.

Bigboobsmcgee

nicolemummyof2 said:

Do you think it's ok to spank your child? And if so what age...

This is just to get a few different opinions

I'm very black and white on this. Spanking is NEVER ever ok IMO. Spanking is usually a result of the parent losing their cool and lashing out in a violent way. That is not going to teach your child anything positive, in fact, it does the opposite. You can sugar coat the act all you want, like saying "I only swat my LO's butt" or "tap" his hand when he's bad but hitting is hitting and it's not cool in my eyes.

::steps off soapbox::

Crequito

I was spanked as a child if I did something really bad, not spanked for an hour or with any object just one smack across my butt that resonated for a while.  We have tried a variety of discipline methods with DD and she mocks all of them.  She thinks time out is a game.  Now, the time she decided to take off running into the street I smacked her butt.  I then got down on her level and told her why her butt got smacked.  We've only used the butt swat for really dangerous life-threatening things that DD has done (very few).  Otherwise I try to redirect or explain (in as few words as possible so she can understand) why she can't do something.  We've also done time out, but again she thinks it's a game and will do something I've told her not to do and then say "Time out?"

Discipline is a work in progress in our house.  I'm of the opinion that every parent should do what's right for them.  I'm not in support of abusing a child.  There's a difference between a rare swat on the behind and abuse.  But I'll probably get flamed for my opinion. 

ccook83

My husband and I both got the occasional spank when we were growing up when we deserved it (and thinking back there were definitely times I deserved it!) Our DS has not yet received a smack on the bum but if the situation called for it I would not have an issue with it.  I agree with @crequito in life threatening situations a time out is not sufficient.  I very distinctly remember when I was around 5 or 6  my parents told me to stay away from the creek, of course I did not listen and I fell in that is one of the times I remember getting a smack on the bum and not because it hurt or anything like that but because it reminds me of the seriousness of the situation.  I would never hit my child out of anger or frustration.

Bigboobsmcgee

How is spanking a child on the butt going to teach them about life threatening situations? They remember the hitting and associate that with situations so that's the answer?

Sure, do what you want, you are the parent but that logic makes ZERO sense to me. @Crequito, I won't flame you, you are definitely entitled to your opinion but I cannot think of a single situation where violence, of any sort, is the right thing to do with a child. There are other ways to get your child's attention, you just have to do some work to find it.

My toddler has darted away from our car in parking lots before and I yell, grab his arm or torso and pull him back but I would never spank him. That doesn't teach him anything except that hitting is ok, when you feel it's necessary. How is that a good lesson for a kid??

Bigboobsmcgee

ccook83 said:

My husband and I both got the occasional spank when we were growing up when we deserved it (and thinking back there were definitely times I deserved it!) Our DS has not yet received a smack on the bum but if the situation called for it I would not have an issue with it.  I agree with @crequito in life threatening situations a time out is not sufficient.  I very distinctly remember when I was around 5 or 6  my parents told me to stay away from the creek, of course I did not listen and I fell in that is one of the times I remember getting a smack on the bum and not because it hurt or anything like that but because it reminds me of the seriousness of the situation.  I would never hit my child out of anger or frustration.

That's exactly when parents do spank though. Think about it.

dufferoo

I don't necessarily think spanking is always abusive, like some people her seem to be insinuating, but in our family, we don't spank. I don't like the idea of hurting people whom I love, so I do my best to come up with alternate forms of discipline. But then again, my children aren't the most obedient on the planet. (That's okay with me.)

Bigboobsmcgee

dufferoo said:

I don't necessarily think spanking is always abusive, like some people her seem to be insinuating, but in our family, we don't spank. I don't like the idea of hurting people whom I love, so I do my best to come up with alternate forms of discipline. But then again, my children aren't the most obedient on the planet. (That's okay with me.)

And what do you think this bolded line is insinuating? I agree with you, however your "insinuating abuse" comment was annoying.

dufferoo

@bigboobsmcgee lol sorry!

KDR1979

I agree with Crequito. I was definitely spanked as a kid-even with a belt occasionally!

My original plan was to NEVER spank. Then, I had twins who are very different. DS responds to tone of voice and time out. DD does not care about that kind of discipline at all. She will choose time out over brushing her teeth, taking medicine, etc. We only spank when we need to really get their attention and it is a small swat on the butt.

g8trkim

It's a tough one! There's not a right solution for every kid. We said we would never spank but have smacked DS's butt a couple times when other things weren't working. Spanking didn't work any better so now we're back to no spanking. Discipline is a constant struggle which is why I really try not to judge others methods (obviously those within the parameters of the law). My advice is to find out what works for your kid. For DS right now it's taking his computer time away. For DD it's time out. I know this will be ever changing. Best of luck!

tig594

I disagree that spanking is always or even almost always done when a parent is angry.  I am pretty even tempered and I've never been angry with DD as she's generally a pretty good kid.  But if she needs a swat on her rear because time outs or other forms of discipline didn't work then she's going to get a swat on her rear.  I got spanked when I was a kid, usually with a belt, though it was rare.  It was always because I did something really really bad and yes, I turned out okay and never felt I'd been abused.  I also respected my parents. Now, would I use a belt on my child?  Absolutely not.  It's not just about teaching your kids that something they did is naughty, it's also about teaching them to respect authority.  Some kids do not respond to time outs and losing privileges. I'd rather my child have a few swats on the rear now, if that's what it takes, than spend time in jail later because she never had to learn the consequences of doing really stupid stuff. 

With that said, what do you do when you've tried everything you can think of and your child still doesn't listen to you and just does what he/she wants?  When they become abusive to you or continues acting out or bullying or being a little menace to society?  How do you suppose kids get this way?  Is it a mental disorder or is it from lack of discipline or attention from their parents?  I'd put my money on lack of discipline/attention when it was needed most.

Bigboobsmcgee

tig594 said:

I disagree that spanking is always or even almost always done when a parent is angry.  I am pretty even tempered and I've never been angry with DD as she's generally a pretty good kid.  But if she needs a swat on her rear because time outs or other forms of discipline didn't work then she's going to get a swat on her rear.  I got spanked when I was a kid, usually with a belt, though it was rare.  It was always because I did something really really bad and yes, I turned out okay and never felt I'd been abused.  I also respected my parents. Now, would I use a belt on my child?  Absolutely not.  It's not just about teaching your kids that something they did is naughty, it's also about teaching them to respect authority.  Some kids do not respond to time outs and losing privileges. I'd rather my child have a few swats on the rear now, if that's what it takes, than spend time in jail later because she never had to learn the consequences of doing really stupid stuff. 

With that said, what do you do when you've tried everything you can think of and your child still doesn't listen to you and just does what he/she wants?  When they become abusive to you or continues acting out or bullying or being a little menace to society?  How do you suppose kids get this way?  Is it a mental disorder or is it from lack of discipline or attention from their parents?  I'd put my money on lack of discipline/attention when it was needed most.

This is the most idiotic thing I've read on these boards in a VERY, very long time. Wow. Not sure there's even a response to this because if this is how you actually feel, then nothing will get through to you.

There is ALWAYS a way to get through to your kids without having to hit them. And if they've gotten to a point where nothing does work, then you, as a parent, failed LONG ago. I would never let my children get to the point that they don't listen to anything and my last resort is hitting. Perhaps you need a parenting class. Children don't become bullies or "menaces to society" because they weren't SPANKED ENOUGH. Do you even hear yourself?

 

It takes FAR MORE WORK to discipline children without spanking. Don't you understand that? Constantly being on them, repeating what needs to be done, displaying positive behaviors and actually teaching them to be a good person. You don't just throw up your hands and say "oh well, Susie isn't listening, better spank her". So stupid.

Yes, my post is full of judgment and I give zero fucks. 

tig594

My last paragraph was an in general what if, not me saying if my kid got so bad I'd beat them.  Don't call me idiotic just because you're too stupid to comprehend my post.

Bigboobsmcgee

tig594 said:

My last paragraph was an in general what if, not me saying if my kid got so bad I'd beat them.  Don't call me idiotic just because you're too stupid to comprehend my post.

No shit Sherlock? I didn't take the last paragraph that way.

 

Why don't you spell it out then? You are asking what do you do, when you have tried "everything", and a child is still an asshole/bully or menace to society? YOU believe that is because of a lack of discipline. Since you "put your money" on that being the cause, then what sort of discipline do you recommend for those kids where NOTHING else has worked? Spanking?? Sure sounds like that is what you are insinuating since you think that a few swats on the rear will keep your child from growing up and landing themselves in jail.

SMH at this whole stupid post.  

tig594

Nooo, you are assuming.  I was asking for other's opinions because I'm genuinely curious.  I was not offering my own for a situation like that.  You're welcome to leave.  You and your worthless opinion won't be taken into consideration anyhow.   

Bigboobsmcgee

tig594 said:

Nooo, you are assuming.  I was asking for other's opinions because I'm genuinely curious.  I was not offering my own for a situation like that.  You're welcome to leave.  You and your worthless opinion won't be taken into consideration anyhow.   

El oh el. Okay. And I love the "mental disorder" line. You sound very smart

 

Bigboobsmcgee

Star1227 said:

This is for the lady with the fake tits: you should have been spanked as a child. You have no respect for others. Byeee:)

 

 

 

nj001

I think you should totally spank your child.  So long as you're aiming to teach them to not deal with their own emotions and to be violent and hit others.

I understand that a lot of people were raised this way.  So was I, and I remember how it made me feel and I would never want my child to feel how I did in those times.  It was my father who did it, and to this day I cannot understand how my mother allowed it even though I knew she hurt for me. I would never spank, nor allow anyone to spank (or abuse, by any other euphemism) my child.  And I feel really bad for the parents who are so disconnected from their child that they can't understand how they are hurting them.

There was a PP who wrote they do this in dangerous circumstances.  Again, I can understand our logic but that does no make it even a little okay and I'm fairly confident it's extremely ineffective in the long run.  You know, like don't run into traffic but end up with anxiety disorders and drug issues later in life (and periodic spanking DOES increase these issues) lots of people keep their kids from cars without hitting the child. Find another way.

Bigboobsmcgee

nj001 said:

I think you should totally spank your child.  So long as you're aiming to teach them to not deal with their own emotions and to be violent and hit others.

I understand that a lot of people were raised this way.  So was I, and I remember how it made me feel and I would never want my child to feel how I did in those times.  It was my father who did it, and to this day I cannot understand how my mother allowed it even though I knew she hurt for me. I would never spank, nor allow anyone to spank (or abuse, by any other euphemism) my child.  And I feel really bad for the parents who are so disconnected from their child that they can't understand how they are hurting them.

There was a PP who wrote they do this in dangerous circumstances.  Again, I can understand our logic but that does no make it even a little okay and I'm fairly confident it's extremely ineffective in the long run.  You know, like don't run into traffic but end up with anxiety disorders and drug issues later in life (and periodic spanking DOES increase these issues) lots of people keep their kids from cars without hitting the child. Find another way.

Amen. Well said.

NoSugarCoating

tig594 said:

I disagree that spanking is always or even almost always done when a parent is angry.  I am pretty even tempered and I've never been angry with DD as she's generally a pretty good kid.  But if she needs a swat on her rear because time outs or other forms of discipline didn't work then she's going to get a swat on her rear.  I got spanked when I was a kid, usually with a belt, though it was rare.  It was always because I did something really really bad and yes, I turned out okay and never felt I'd been abused.  I also respected my parents. Now, would I use a belt on my child?  Absolutely not.  It's not just about teaching your kids that something they did is naughty, it's also about teaching them to respect authority.  Some kids do not respond to time outs and losing privileges. I'd rather my child have a few swats on the rear now, if that's what it takes, than spend time in jail later because she never had to learn the consequences of doing really stupid stuff. 

With that said, what do you do when you've tried everything you can think of and your child still doesn't listen to you and just does what he/she wants?  When they become abusive to you or continues acting out or bullying or being a little menace to society?  How do you suppose kids get this way?  Is it a mental disorder or is it from lack of discipline or attention from their parents?  I'd put my money on lack of discipline/attention when it was needed most.

Honestly, that makes it even worse for me. I have a 3-year-old, I can absolutely understand how a parent can be frustrated and angry, and pushed to the limit where they spank. I have never hit him, but he's pushed me to where I'll think "You're being a shit and I can totally understand why some parents spank." 

But to be even-tempered, and calm, and still decide to hit (no matter how lightly) a CHILD who weighs one quarter of what you do? To me, that borders on sociopathic. 

Bigboobsmcgee

NoSugarCoating said:

tig594 said:

I disagree that spanking is always or even almost always done when a parent is angry.  I am pretty even tempered and I've never been angry with DD as she's generally a pretty good kid.  But if she needs a swat on her rear because time outs or other forms of discipline didn't work then she's going to get a swat on her rear.  I got spanked when I was a kid, usually with a belt, though it was rare.  It was always because I did something really really bad and yes, I turned out okay and never felt I'd been abused.  I also respected my parents. Now, would I use a belt on my child?  Absolutely not.  It's not just about teaching your kids that something they did is naughty, it's also about teaching them to respect authority.  Some kids do not respond to time outs and losing privileges. I'd rather my child have a few swats on the rear now, if that's what it takes, than spend time in jail later because she never had to learn the consequences of doing really stupid stuff. 

With that said, what do you do when you've tried everything you can think of and your child still doesn't listen to you and just does what he/she wants?  When they become abusive to you or continues acting out or bullying or being a little menace to society?  How do you suppose kids get this way?  Is it a mental disorder or is it from lack of discipline or attention from their parents?  I'd put my money on lack of discipline/attention when it was needed most.

Honestly, that makes it even worse for me. I have a 3-year-old, I can absolutely understand how a parent can be frustrated and angry, and pushed to the limit where they spank. I have never hit him, but he's pushed me to where I'll think "You're being a shit and I can totally understand why some parents spank." 

But to be even-tempered, and calm, and still decide to hit (no matter how lightly) a CHILD who weighs one quarter of what you do? To me, that borders on sociopathic. 

So, so true.

tig594

Yeah, because you know me and can make that judgment.  Fucking idiots.  No wonder everyone left TB. You obviously don't know how to read an entire post.  I hate people like you who have to name call and persecute just because someone has an opinion that differs from yours. 

Bigboobsmcgee

tig594 said:

Yeah, because you know me and can make that judgment.  Fucking idiots.  No wonder everyone left TB. You obviously don't know how to read an entire post.  I hate people like you who have to name call and persecute just because someone has an opinion that differs from yours. 

Um...you called us fucking idiots. Last time I checked that wasn't a very nice thing to say to someone. Sounds like YOU are the one that is butt hurt because people are picking apart your poorly worded post and maybe, just maybe, you are defensive because you know you are wrong. That's usually how that works.

 

 

Bigboobsmcgee

And FYI @tig594, people left TB because of all the cry babies on here that can't handle a good hearty discussion.

thepixiecat

@bigboobsmcgee Just wondering how it feels to be such a large part of what is wrong with our society?  

Chichigo

Spanning is a sign that the parent has lost control. Everyone advocating spanking a child should consider this the next time they do something wrong. Find someone more than four times your size, and have them slap you.

People advocating abuse of a child's trust is what's wrong with our society, not someone trying to protect children from it.

Bigboobsmcgee

thepixiecat said:

@bigboobsmcgee Just wondering how it feels to be such a large part of what is wrong with our society?  

Says who?! YOU?!

Bigboobsmcgee

@thepixiecat why don't you elaborate and tell me what you actually mean? I like the passive aggressive comment though