New here and...#3??

704bride

Hello, everyone! I used to be on various bump boards, but haven't been here since maybe before my 3 year old was born. I'm a little hesitant to be here because these boards can be dangerous in that they cause babies to be on my brain way too much! We have two sons and I ALWAYS have occurred myself having three kids. We've talked about this through the years and DH was in agreement with me while I was pregnant that he would be okay with #3 if that's what I wanted. In that conversation, I was saying that I needed to see how things with 2 went, but that I'm pretty sure I'll still want 3. I have a lot more that I could elaborate on, but don't want to bore anyone in my first post in a while. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone is currently trying to talk their DH into having another. What is/was holding him back?

704bride

*pictured, not occurred. Ugh, auto-correct. It's funny - I haven't posted in so long that auto-correct wasn't an issue back then!

bmo88

Just to clarify, your DH was "ok" with the idea of three a few years ago, but now isn't? Hence why you are trying to convince him now to have another child?

At this point, we don't have any children and are not TTCing. For a few years, I thought I might be ready and DH wasn't. I would talk with him directly about his concerns and found it out they were around finances, jobs and personal goals. We came up with some specific goals to work on so he would feel prepared when the time came. Ironically, we have now got those things in place, he feels "ready" and I don't now. I am going through some career changes and want to wait another 2-3 years. Fortunately, DH is completely fine with it and is now in the supportive role that I once was with him.

For you, I would suggest figuring out specifically why he isn't ready. Is it because he wants to accomplish a few things first, wants to wait a little more time between having children or is it just that he doesn't want three children? Depending on his reasoning, there might be some things you can do to help him feel ready. But, if he doesn't want a third child, you unfortunately cannot change that.

704bride

I think a lot has to do with finances. We just bought a new house less than a year ago and are still getting used to our new budget and know that we have several big projects to do on the house (a few have already been done, so that has impacted the money perception, too). Our second child is pretty difficult, too, so I'm sure it is more than just finances. I know we need to have a serious talk about it. I've just been kind of putting it off because I'm afraid of what the outcome will be.

That's good that your DH is being supportive, now that your roles have reversed.